I was talked into taking a new medication to help me relax called Buspar. I have been taking it for about a month. It has helped me relax a bit but I do think it has contributed to my 5 pound weight gain. I don’t need help gaining weight at 49 years old, perimenopausal, and on an antipsychotic. I am at a stage in my life where I am dealing with childhood issues and finally settling boundaries with my family. They don’t like my new self assertiveness and they say they don’t know where this is all coming from. I am getting pushback and they are telling me to up my meds. I complied because I see things around me and patterns in relationships that I want to change. Even with this medication, I still see things that I am unhappy with. I just hopefully will not overreact to all this in any way.
So one thing I have felt since I moved down here to San Diego was crazy extreme fat phobia. Beach people are the worst about this issue. There used to be this awful bumper sticker from the 1970’s that many in California coastal communities had on their bumper which said ”No Fat Chicks.” Awful and who would want to get in your beat up van anyway, you broke couch surfer? So I was reminded of that today when I took my daughter to Chipotle in La Costa. I was reminded just the other day by my brother of my prominent double chin. I would have to lose at least 20-30 pounds to get rid of it and it’s been so challenging for me. Sometimes I still feel attractive at 49 and I think men are looking at me while I am driving. Now they obviously can’t see my whole body and they also may not notice my double chin while driving by. But today in Chipotle some guy noticed and he pointed it out like some fat phobic immature bully who was trying to make me feel self conscious. We were in Chipotle and probably the only non high school students in there. I saw that he looked about 30ish but he was trying to look and dress young, as if he was about to go skateboarding. When I looked at him in line he must have noticed me looking at him and thought I was rude? I have never seen an adult man looking so offended because I looked him up and down. Maybe he thought it was rude and he was trying to say, “hey lady you are too old and too fat for me.” If that’s all it was, fine. I may sound like a bitter, rejected woman because he was so obviously not interested. But with him trying to dress so young and going to the Chipotle by LCC high school right when the students get out of school, he could be a pedo. He definitely was dressing younger than his age and I could tell he obviously wasn’t a student. But his vibe was so mean that I got a little scared. Like, how thin and young are you looking for, bro? Also, why are you still lurking here? You’re done ordering. Just take your food and go! Crazy bad vibes from him and I hope that I never see him at Chipotle again. I also hope that he can control his weirdness and any pedo tendencies he may have! Bad energy, be gone!
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