Tuesday, January 30, 2018

1/30/2018

I am definately not the winner of the Sunshine Blogger Award! I do not get a lot of feedback on my blog, but I do follow other bloggers who receive awards for their positivity. That may never be me.  I started this blog during the height of a major psychotic episode, while I was unmedicated. I used my blog to vent about the voices in my head. That was the purpose of this blog and it helped me. I do think it could potentially educate others who do not have psychosis, about the nature of voice hearing. Voice hearing tends to be negative, but not all voice hearers experience negative voices. I have heard many diverse stories of voice hearers. I have written a book about my psychosis and would love to make a movie too. I do not want the mental health community to rebuke my attempts at creativity. We are all so different in the mental health community and people tend to disagree about which is the best direction to go in, to represent ourselves. Maybe I will just become a psychological thriller writer, who happens to be schizophrenic. I intend to continue putting my story out there. My story IS edgy and I am, at times, funny, so that might sell. I do not think or write "boring" material.  I am also honest.  My psychotic break was not a walk in the park. It split my family apart. Thank goodness my medication kicked in and my family is whole again. Now I can write about more than just my psychosis. I can write about my daily experiences and be creative.  If all I ever have is this blog, so be it. I am having fun.


1/30/2018

I was reviewing the many people on my Facebook blocking list and came across a picture of Keith Spellman, the man I call my stalker. It is strange and shocking to see pictures of him frolicking on the beach with his wife in Santa Cruz. It makes me realize that maybe, he is not stalking me at all. He could be leading a double life. He could be the type of man (like many men) who still check out other women. Men do that all the time. I see you! (I won't go too far into that.) But I came to the conclusion that my mind is playing tricks on me, in a lot of ways. I want nothing to do with Keith Spellman anyway. Keith Spellman can go to hell at this point! Time is of the essence and that time has passed. I have reunited with my husband and plan on remaining a family with him and my children for the rest of my life! I feel much better. I am taking my medication and love spending time with my family. No man's wandering eye can affect me. I am set in my life.  I have been through hell going off my meds and indulging in my thoughts wondering about Keith Spellman. I am just glad to be done with that. I was lost but now I am back to my real life. Thank God!

Sunday, January 28, 2018

1/28/2018

I was on this website for schizophrenics that I frequent and the question was asked, "Do you hate yourself?" What I have found is that schizophrenics are very diverse and do not agree on many things. So my answer to the question was no, but I do feel hated by others. Call it delusions of grandeur, but at 43, I still have many haters. The voices in my head hate me, as well as, many real life people who dislike me. I get glared at a lot by other female acquaintances and snubbed too. On my favorite "therapeutic" website I get snubbed a lot by other schizophrenics. I have talked about too many controversial subjects to be well-liked. I think, as a general rule of thumb, Wiccans and Athiests will always hate me, so I can expect more of that in the future. It is something I just need to accept. I am not the type of person who tries to convert others, but every time I "come out" Catholic online, a Wiccan or Athiest jumps down my throat. Perhaps I won't lead with that in the future or just really keep that to myself. I don't know. I do consider myself Catholic, although others may not consider me Catholic. I mean, I haven't been to church in over a month. I just want to end this post on a positive note. I did have a happy and voice-free birthday!!

Saturday, January 27, 2018

My 43rd Birthday! Happy birthday to me!!



                                     

                                                                  My cute cake!
                                                                          

Friday, January 26, 2018

Direct Messages

  • Jan 12
    Hi dear
  • Jan 7
    How are you doing today
  • 5 Dec 2017
    Hello
  • 30 Aug 2017
    Thanks so much for supporting country music ❤
These are my latest Twitter messages.  It is all too flattering.  LOL What is with all the catfishing on Twitter? 
I never respond to these private messages. 

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

There is good in the world! Love Tim Tebow! He is the real deal!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2gq2PngXBQ
1/24/2018 I was just accused of being ignorant and now this. My sister forwarded this video to me telling me that there was a Satanic ritual in it. Needless to say, I fell for it. I watched the whole disgusting video. Warning: not for the faint of heart. *** ***Check this video out. It is so weird. At around 7 minutes in to the dermitology procedure, it sounds like the people in the back ground and the nurse helping Dr. Pimple Popper are doing a satanic ritual during the procedure. Put on the translator so you can see every word that is being said. So freaky.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiE4oGzk9cM&sns=fb


Tuesday, January 23, 2018

1/23/2018

I know of one other schizophrenic writer in San Diego and subscribe to her blog. She vents a lot and her posts occasionally trigger defensiveness in me. I feel like she is talking directly to me. It is as if she reads my blog and then vents about my posts in her blog! I am schizoaffective and I think I am funny. I laugh at all sorts of jokes and want to make people laugh. My peer probably thinks my schizophrenia jokes are ignorant and offensive. I repost a lot of comments, including jokes, about schizophrenia. I have a choice to unfollow people who rant too much for my taste, as you have the right to avoid blogs with jokes on them. Sorry if this sounds harsh. I just want to end this post, if she is reading this, by saying "peace" and let's not compete. I don't want to fight or make enemies.  You seem like a nice and interesting person. We seem to have alot of things in common. :)

Saturday, January 20, 2018

1/20/2018

I submitted an article to be published through a mental health publishing organization (OC87 Recovery Diaries). I told them the story of my last psychotic break. At first, they promised to publish it on February 14th. which I felt was fitting, considering that I am in love with a voice in my head. Valentines Day can be difficult for the mentally ill community. Voices can drive a wedge through the connection of the day, with your actual partner.  I just found out that my publication date for my essay has been pushed back to the summer. Bummer! Who knows? They may not publish it at all. They already have a resident schizophrenic writer who keeps submitting his articles.

Today, I was on a website listening to schizophrenics debate marijuana. For a change, I am not jumping in there. Many schizophrenics just want to self-medicate and smoke weed. I can't change them. At first, I thought a mental health advocate was supposed to affect change in the mental health community. I was speaking out against marijuana to other mental patients who didn't want to hear it. I realized eventually that what mental health advocates really do is try to explain mental illness to the non-mentally ill. I have made a few steps to be more open about my mental illness, but I get really embarrassed about being too public with strangers. I do not want to be faced with stigma and a lot of questions. Expressing myself through this blog suits me just fine. No one usually comments on anything I say & I am not being criticized or ridiculed.

On a lighter note, I am turning 43 next Saturday. I am looking forward to celebrating with friends and family next weekend. Gotta love birthdays. I am trying to take aging in stride and keep a positive attitude, despite all the changes that go along with aging. (ie my cataracts, perimenopause etc. Sorry for the TMI) I am 21 at heart...maybe younger. LOL

I used to think I was a hippie because I liked classic rock, wore tie dyes,and smoked weed. Now that there is actually something to protest, I am MIA. What kind of hippie am I? I have been a hypocrite all along. I do not identify as a hippie anymore.

Is it just me? I have no desire to go to the Women's March. I would probably hear voices there. No offense ladies, but your collective voices would trigger the voices in my head. I would rather stay home with my children.


Thursday, January 11, 2018

I found this video fascinating. It is very 1970's or maybe even 1960's. I had no idea who Alan Watts was before watching this video. Alan Watts is charming & well-versed. He made me realize the similarities between my mental health journey and Jesus's journey. Basically, I am God! (but so is everyone and everything) :) ...(I know I am not really God & I am still Catholic... lost a few Twitter followers over this post. Wow!)




  1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKNykrzfgQs
"Sz is…
Like having another person sharing your brain and taking over control and swallowing you up (positive symptoms).
Like walking in fog and mud (negative symptoms)"

I was on a message board and the question was asked, "How would you explain schizophrenia to a normie?" Above is one person's succinct explanation. That was my favorite quote. I could relate to that explanation the best. I know that many other schizophrenics feel doomed to never being understood by "normies."  As long as people are reading this blog, I want to try to explain Schizophrenia to anyone who may not know much about it. I apologize for borrowing my anonymous friend's quote.

Monday, January 8, 2018

 I found this on Facebook and it made me think. It also made me laugh because it was so random. LOL Sorry, I occasionally laugh at inappropriate things, I guess.




Sunday, January 7, 2018


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTC9Lt3hiWo

A mental patient recommended this movie. So far the movie has not triggered voices for me, which is good.  Angel Heart is a movie about New Orleans voodoo...and where you will end up if you use it on me. LOL

Thursday, January 4, 2018

1/4/2018

3 am: Unknown Voice: Tradition...Tradition...Tradition...Tradition

12 pm:

Esteban: We hate you so we are hexing you. Be forewarned. Stupid bitch! We need to talk. Christmas was a fluke. We are not done hexing you yet.

Federica: So what are you thinking of doing about Keith Spellman? Be forewarned. I need you to stay away from Keith Spellman. Be forewarned. 

Tuesday, January 2, 2018




 
(**Excerpts from Medical News Today & NAMI)




Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that usually appears in late adolescence or early adulthood. Characterized by delusions, hallucinations, and other cognitive difficulties, schizophrenia can often be a lifelong struggle.

In this article, we will cover the causes, symptoms, and treatment of schizophrenia.

Fast facts on schizophrenia
Here are some key points about schizophrenia. More detail and supporting information is in the main article.
  • Schizophrenia affects an estimated 1 percent of the population.
  • Symptoms include delusions, hallucinations, and disorganized thoughts.
  • Diagnosing schizophrenia comes only after other disease have been ruled out.

What is schizophrenia?

Schizophrenia most commonly strikes between the ages of 16 and 30, and males tend to show symptoms at a slightly younger age than females. In many cases, the disorder develops so slowly that the individual does not know that they have had it for many years. However, in other cases, it can strike suddenly and develop quickly.
Schizophrenia affects approximately 1 percent of all adults, globally. Experts say schizophrenia is probably many illnesses masquerading as one.
[Schizophrenia written on paper]
Schizophrenia is often a life-long condition.
A sizable proportion of people with schizophrenia have to rely on others because they are unable to hold a job or care for themselves.
Many may also resist treatment, arguing that there is nothing wrong with them.
Some patients may present clear symptoms, but on other occasions, they may seem fine until they start explaining what they are truly thinking.
The effects of schizophrenia reach far beyond the patient - families, friends, and society are affected too.
Symptoms and signs of schizophrenia will vary, depending on the individual.
The symptoms are classified into four categories:
  • Positive symptoms - also known as psychotic symptoms. For example, delusions and hallucinations.
  • Negative symptoms - these refer to elements that are taken away from the individual. For example, absence of facial expressions or lack of motivation.
  • Cognitive symptoms - these affect the person's thought processes. They may be positive or negative symptoms, for example, poor concentration is a negative symptom.
  • Emotional symptoms - these are usually negative symptoms, such as blunted emotions.
Below is a list of the major symptoms:
  • Delusions - the patient displays false beliefs, which can take many forms, such as delusions of persecution, or delusions of grandeur. They may feel others are attempting to control them remotely. Or, they may think they have extraordinary powers and abilities.
  • Hallucinations - hearing voices is much more common than seeing, feeling, tasting, or smelling things which are not there, however, people with schizophrenia may experience a wide range of hallucinations.
  • Thought disorder - the person may jump from one subject to another for no logical reason. The speaker may be hard to follow or erratic.
Other symptoms may include:
  • Lack of motivation (avolition) - the patient loses their drive. Everyday actions, such as washing and cooking, are neglected.
  • Poor expression of emotions - responses to happy or sad occasions may be lacking, or inappropriate.
  • Social withdrawal - when a patient with schizophrenia withdraws socially, it is often because they believe somebody is going to harm them.
  • Unawareness of illness - as the hallucinations and delusions seem so real for patients, many of them may not believe they are ill. They may refuse to take medication for fear of side effects, or for fear that the medication may be poison, for example.
  • Cognitive difficulties - the patient's ability to concentrate, recall things, plan ahead, and to organize their life are affected. Communication becomes more difficult.

What are the causes schizophrenia?

Experts believe several factors are generally involved in contributing to the onset of schizophrenia.
Evidence suggests that genetic and environmental factors act together to bring about schizophrenia. The condition has an inherited element, but environmental triggers also significantly influence it.
Below is a list of the factors that are thought to contribute towards the onset of schizophrenia:

Genetic inheritance

If there is no history of schizophrenia in a family, the chances of developing it are less than 1 percent. However, that risk rises to 10 percent if a parent was diagnosed.

Chemical imbalance in the brain

Experts believe that an imbalance of dopamine, a neurotransmitter, is involved in the onset of schizophrenia. Other neurotransmitters, such as serotonin, may also be involved.

Family relationships

There is no evidence to prove or even indicate that family relationships might cause schizophrenia, however, some patients with the illness believe family tension triggers relapses.

Environmental factors

Although there is no definite proof, many suspect trauma before birth and viral infections may contribute to the development of the disease.
Stressful experiences often precede the emergence of schizophrenia. Before any acute symptoms are apparent, people with schizophrenia habitually become bad-tempered, anxious, and unfocused. This can trigger relationship problems, divorce, and unemployment.
These factors are often blamed for the onset of the disease, when really it was the other way round - the disease caused the crisis. Therefore, it is extremely difficult to know whether schizophrenia caused certain stresses or occurred as a result of them.

Drug induced schizophrenia

Marijuana and LSD are known to cause schizophrenia relapses. Additionally, for people with a predisposition to a psychotic illness such as schizophrenia, usage of cannabis may trigger the first episode.
Some researchers believe that certain prescription drugs, such as steroids and stimulants, can cause psychosis.

  • Substance use. Some studies have suggested that taking mind-altering drugs during teen years and young adulthood can increase the risk of schizophrenia. A growing body of evidence indicates that smoking marijuana increases the risk of psychotic incidents and the risk of ongoing psychotic experiences. The younger and more frequent the use, the greater the risk. Another study has found that smoking marijuana led to earlier onset of schizophrenia and often preceded the manifestation of the illness.

Diagnosis

Diagnosing schizophrenia is not easy. Sometimes using drugs, such as methamphetamines or LSD, can cause a person to have schizophrenia-like symptoms. The difficulty of diagnosing this illness is compounded by the fact that many people who are diagnosed do not believe they have it. Lack of awareness is a common symptom of people diagnosed with schizophrenia and greatly complicates treatment.
[Distressed young man]
Ensuring the patient continues with medication is the key to successful treatment.
With proper treatment, patients can lead productive lives.
Treatment can help relieve many of the symptoms of schizophrenia. However, the majority of patients with the disorder have to cope with the symptoms for life.
Psychiatrists say the most effective treatment for schizophrenia patients is usually a combination of:
  • medication
  • psychological counseling
  • self-help resources
Anti-psychosis drugs have transformed schizophrenia treatment. Thanks to them, the majority of patients are able to live in the community, rather than stay in a hospital.
The most common schizophrenia medications are:
  • Risperidone (Risperdal) - less sedating than other atypical antipsychotics. Weight gain and diabetes are possible side effects, but are less likely to happen, compared with Clozapine or Olanzapine.
  • Olanzapine (Zyprexa) - may also improve negative symptoms. However, the risks of serious weight gain and the development of diabetes are significant.
  • Quetiapine (Seroquel) - risk of weight gain and diabetes, however, the risk is lower than Clozapine or Olanzapine.
  • Ziprasidone (Geodon) - the risk of weight gain and diabetes is lower than other atypical antipsychotics. However, it might contribute to cardiac arrhythmia.
  • Clozapine (Clozaril) - effective for patients who have been resistant to treatment. It is known to lower suicidal behaviors in patients with schizophrenia. The risk of weight gain and diabetes is significant.
  • Haloperidol - an antipsychotic used to treat schizophrenia. It has a long-lasting effect (weeks).
The primary schizophrenia treatment is medication. Sadly, compliance (following the medication regimen) is a major problem. People with schizophrenia often come off their medication for long periods during their lives, at huge personal costs to themselves and often to those around them.
The patient must continue taking medication even when symptoms are gone. Otherwise they will come back.
The first time a person experiences schizophrenia symptoms, it can be very unpleasant. They may take a long time to recover, and that recovery can be a lonely experience. It is crucial that a person living with schizophrenia receives the full support of their family, friends, and community services when onset appears for the first time.

Types of schizophrenia

Previously, there were a number of subtypes of schizophrenia; these included, paranoid schizophrenia, paranoid schizophrenia, and schizoaffective disorder. Today, these subtypes are not used by doctors.
For a more detailed explanation of why they are not used, read our article "Types of schizophrenia: What are they and are they still used?"
[Blood sample]
Before diagnosing schizophrenia, other conditions need to be ruled out first.
A schizophrenia diagnosis is reached by observing the actions of the patient. If the doctor suspects possible schizophrenia, they will need to know about the patient's medical and psychiatric history.
Certain tests will be ordered to rule out other illnesses and conditions that may trigger schizophrenia-like symptoms, such as:
  • Blood tests - in cases where drug use may be a factor a blood test may be ordered. Blood tests are also done to exclude physical causes of illness.
  • Imaging studies - to rule out tumors and problems in the structure of the brain.
  • Psychological evaluation - a specialist will assess the patient's mental state by asking about thoughts, moods, hallucinations, suicidal traits, violent tendencies, or potential for violence, as well as observing their demeanor and appearance.

Schizophrenia diagnosis criteria

Patients must meet the criteria outlined in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). This is an American Psychiatric Association manual used by healthcare professionals to diagnose mental illnesses and conditions.
The doctor needs to exclude other possible mental health disorders, such as bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder.
It is also important to establish that the signs and symptoms have not been caused by, for example, a prescribed medication or substance abuse.
The patient must:

  • Have at least two of the following typical symptoms:
    • delusions
    • disorganized or catatonic behavior
    • disorganized speech
    • hallucinations
    • negative symptoms that are present for much of the time during the last 4 weeks
  • Experience considerable impairment in the ability to attend school, carry out their work duties, or carry out everyday tasks.
  • Have symptoms that persist for 6 months or more.