I had to google Mercury retrograde to understand this meme. LOL I guess that I am not as much of an astrology airhead as I used to be. I haven't been following this, but get ready, because here it comes! 

Mercury retrograde March 2019 begins on March 5 at 29° Pisces and ends on March 28 at 16° Pisces. Mercury retrograde is a regular cycle occurring three or four times a year for about 24 days. Mercury retrograde is associated with communication and technology breakdowns, nervous anxiety, travel delays and lost items.

You may reminisce about the past or unexpectedly meet up with people from your past. Business negotiations are often in a state of flux during Mercury retrograde, with some important details not yet be available.

I guess you could say this comedy sketch amused and impressed me. Before I even knew what a delusion was, I had a delusion about this SNL sketch. I believed that I wrote it. In college, we would go listen to bands play in Isla Vista. This one drummer for the Nervous Sheep had a very intricate drum kit which included a cow bell. I remember ribbing him about actually playing a song that featured the cow bell, which they never did. Years later I saw this SNL sketch and was cracking up. I guess I am supposed to be Bruce Dickinson in this sketch. “I gotta have more cowbell!” LOL

Today I volunteered at the Jogathon for my children's school and the noise, the stress, and the crowds must have triggered my voices. Although every time this happens, I am convinced it is something more than that. Who are the evil people attached to these voices, and why won't they leave me alone? Who is the paranoid one here? Is it me, foolishly buying into what the voices are telling me? Or is there a separate hateful, horrible woman at the helm of this?

Leigh: So, what are you thinking of doing about Keith Spellman?

Federica: Yes, what are you thinking of doing about Keith Spellman? You are not being hexed, you are having a mid-life crisis, so be forewarned. This mirrors her schizoaffective disorder...so well. Be forewarned!

Esteban: We all hate you, so we are hexing you. Be forewarned....Just pondering what a poser you are. We are not done hexing you, so be forewarned.

My friend invited me to an awesome benefit concert today featuring Jason Mraz at the Belly Up Tavern in Solana Beach. What a sweet day! I completely enjoyed myself and I didn't hear any voices. Boy, Jason Mraz knows how to write a great love song as well as other upbeat, positive tunes. Love him!  I didn't know how closely he worked with special needs kids. Awesome!

My first time at the Belly Up Tavern (in all the 20+ years that I have lived in San Diego) Woohoo!

My friend, Donna, played this song for me today and it really moved me. My friend told me that every time she hears this song, she thinks of me. She also thinks this song should be my anthem. Lauren Dagle is a Christian turned pop artist. There is a spirituality to her music, which I appreciate. When my friend played this song for me, I started to cry. I thought it was so sweet.

I remember when I was younger, I would tell my friends my problems and they would tell me that "they weren't my therapist," and to "stop telling me your problems, I have enough problems of my own." After losing touch with those friends, I lacked close friends for many years.

Fortunately, I have finally found my tribe. Today my friend, Donna, told me that she was honored that I candidly share with her my problems. I guess, they key is not to abuse that privilege, and to reciprocate when my friends need a comforting confidante. 

I love looking around my backyard after the rain. Everything looks so refreshed. I noticed this weed in my backyard today. When I was young, I remember chewing on the stems of a flower like this. I was told it was edible and the stem had a lemony taste. Well, it wasn't poison and I lived to tell the story. I haven't eaten a wildflower lately but many people do it. (Hikers especially) I am afraid it is yellow oleander (poison), so maybe I will hold off on eating this.

I heard that the previous tenant here planted zucchini, in our backyard, at one time. Maybe these are zucchini blossoms? I had fun researching edible flowers and plants today. I guess the actual/trendy term for eating weeds and flowers is "foraging." Click on the links below to read more about edible flowers and foraging.

https://www.southernliving.com/food/entertaining/edible-flowers

https://www.georgesatthecove.com/blog/a-beginners-guide-to-foraging-in-san-diego

I want to extend Valentines Day year round!! I am intent on dragging it out as long as I can!

I love ❤️ husband, my roses 🌹, and the excuse to wear red!

Pareidolia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pareidolia

Look at these interesting clouds from my walk today.  I see my dog Sugar looking at me from doggy heaven! Also, the last picture looks a little like a heart.

Our beloved Sugar RIP

Schizophrenia haikus

I feel very strange
Is that man in love with me?
No he is laughing

There he is again
Why am I being followed?
He has disappeared

Should I fly away?
Running away does not stop them
They never cease the abuse

Part 1.
Flying to New York
the delusion convinced me
I'm going on "Today"

Part 2.
I flew to New York
No one invited me there
Waited forever; got lost

I see and hear you
Are they doing this on purpose?
Stop with the teasing


Part 1.
They will not shut up
How can I distract myself?
I will listen to music

Part 2.
That was a mistake
He sang over the lyrics
Serenity now

Make the voices stop
Forgive myself and move on
Suddenly silence

I woke up to some sweet cards and roses too! Happy Valentine's Day!! Have a good one!!

I am gearing up for an The Like Totally music festival in Huntington Beach this May. It will be like Coachella for the over the hill generation. Romeo Void and Richard Blade will be there! Will you?

We went to the Ocean Institute in Dana Point today. What a wonderful field trip! We saw some jellyfish and snapping turtles! We even dissected a fish! We learned about the danger that plastic bags pose to sea turtles. They don’t have very good eyesight and they mistake the plastic bags for jellyfish/food. 

This song seems very erotomanic. Who do I dedicate this to?

Ha ha! They were playing songs specifically for me at the grocery store again. I kind of hate country (except Willie) and this guys not really Schizophrenic. Oh well.

Someone on schizophrenia.com started a thread calling this vlogger a "beautiful schizophrenic." Someone else commented that there are other beautiful schizophrenics out there. So, first of all, I appreciate this blog. I don't know her name but she is beautiful, knowledgeable, and well-spoken.

I couldn't help comparing myself to her though. I know that is unfair and pointless. When everyone started raving about her, I just started stinking thinking. Well, I only take one antipsychotic; she takes two. I think we are both (probably) high-fuctioning SZ/SZA. We both have breakthrough symptoms on our medications. She is lucky to have the support of her boyfriend, who makes sure she takes her medications. I am responsible for taking my own medications. I do not have anyone on top of me to do that and I manage it very well myself.

I do not have the same delusion about the medication being poison, as she does. I am a very pro-pharma person. My husband is a chemist for a pharmaceutical company. It is a very noble profession. I believe that the chemists creating these medications are not just working for profit, they would love the satisfaction of creating a product that betters and prolongs life!

That being said, I found this video very educational. She is a very good, well put-together, mental health advocate and I appreciate that.

My 11 year old daughter just drew this picture of Frida Kahlo. We both identify with her because Italian is a Latin culture too. My daughter and I both have thick eyebrows like Frida..and facial hair. LOL She just looks familiar and similar to us. I love how Frida embraced her natural look and features. My daughter must have picked up on that and appreciated that too. I think my daughter is a very talented artist and I am her proud mama!

Keith! Keith! Keith! Will you cool it and I'll try and stop it? Hey! Sisters! Brothers and sisters! Brothers and sisters...that means everyone just cool out! Something funny always happens when we start that number! Whose fighting? Whose fighting and what for? What are we fighting for? Why are we fighting? We don't want to fight!

I am living in the past. This was before I was born, but I am obsessed with things, like Woodstock and Altamont. Despite the chaos here, the Rolling Stones gave a phenomenal performance. They are the best!

Happy birthday Bob Marley! One love, one ❤️!

Keith, who is the erotomanic one here?

He doesn’t love me
He doesn’t hate me
He doesn’t hurt me
He doesn’t protect me
He doesn't speak
He is too weak
For someone who passed me in time
You certainly occupy much of my heart and mind
He doesn’t confirm
He doesn’t deny
All he does is spy
(I don’t know why)
I see him everywhere
I see him nowhere
Come back
Go home
Once and for all, leave me alone

"People With Schizophrenia Really Do Hear Voices—Their Own - The brain is a master storyteller, designed to make sense of the chaos of our lives. It compensates for the presence of auditory hallucinations, caused by a defect in self-recognition, by writing a narrative to account for them."

https://slate.com/technology/2016/03/schizophrenia-and-subvocal-speech-why-people-with-schizophrenia-hear-the-voices-of-god-spies-and-supernatural-entities.html

I was very stressed out yesterday and hearing voices. During that time, I also felt like my lips were moving along with the voices. I often feel like I have no control over my mouth muscles when the voices are speaking to me. I went to my therapy site to vent and learned a new term, regarding schizophrenia, subvocalizing thoughts. I researched it a little bit today. Here is the dialogue that instigated my internet search below.:

Danielle: Do you ever feel like you don’t have control over your mouth and it is being moved against your will? I mouth what the voices are saying or mouth the words to the songs on the radio. I feel like it is noticeable to other people. Is there a term for that?

Friend: My voices can control my eyes. And they control my breathing. And yes, I too have my mouth moved by subvocalizing thoughts.

Subvocalizing thoughts doesn't really explain why I feel my lips are moving though. Someone else mentioned that they suffer from this too and it is just a symptom of schizophrenia.

Life is precious and fleeting. My brother had a heart attack last night. so I am feeling a bit down today. I also drove my son to his field trip today, which normally triggers my voices, and did today. I began hearing voices last night when I heard about my brother's heart attack. Then, on the way home from the field trip, I was triggered by traffic, I guess.

When I hear voices, I believe what they are saying to me. I believe that I am being hexed. I don't understand why the persons I am accusing, never admit to it or deny it. I see the people hexing me all the time. They just drive past me and look at me. Why don't you ever address the issue at hand? Keith is a wuss and cannot help or hurt me. He just stares at me like a stalker! It is extremely annoying!

Leigh: Be forewarned. We hate you so we are hexing you.

Esteban: We are still hexing you , so be forewarned.  Esteban begins singing along to the music on the radio (Dire Straits)

Federica:  so, what are you thinking of doing...about Keith Spellman? Keith Spellman is not interested in a relationship with you so be forewarned.

Leigh: I am not giving you anything to blog about, so be forewarned...You are making my life miserable, so I am making your life miserable. Be forewarned.

Leigh: Life is fleeting for you and fantastic for me so be forewarned!

If my psychic instincts are correct I believe the Patriots will win this Super Bowl. We shall see.

I knew it! I could feel it in my bones. GOAT! But what do I know? I dont even watch football. I went shopping during the first half of the Super Bowl.

Well, it's Groundhog Day...again!

Rita: You're missin' all the fun! These people are great! Some of them have been partyin' all night long! They sing songs 'till they get too cold and then they go sit by the fire and they get warm, and then they come back and sing some more!

Phil: Yeah, they're hicks, Rita!

More important than Groundhog Day, it's my daughter's birthday today. She asked us for a saxophone 🎷!