Monday, August 31, 2020
Sunday, August 30, 2020
Choices (a poem)
I’ve made choices in life
Damned if I do
Damned if I don’t types
Like a rigged casino
Choices, choices who should I pick
The blonde or the one in the wig
Maybe the redhead if I am in the mood for a scream
Or maybe the old fashioned one instead
Monday, August 24, 2020
For those affected by the fires in Northern California...
My prayers go out to you.
Leigh: Be forewarned. You don't have to say prayers for us. I practice Santeria and we will survive unscathed. We don't want your prayers.
I know that every time we have a bad fire in San Diego, what a scary time it is. Getting the call to evacuate. Having to keep my children indoors, to keep them from breathing the unhealthy air outside was extremely difficult. My young children did not understand why they could not go outside and play. I hope the lives and homes lost are minimal. I always wanted to visit Santa Cruz. What a beautiful landscape. We need those redwood trees!
Leigh: What do you know about Northern California? You said that you were not interested in ever visiting here. Go to hell! Some people think that you are full of it!
My mother wanted to keep me close to her throughout her life. I wanted to attend UC Santa Cruz for college and my mother refused. My parents said they would not pay for me to attend school there. It was too far away from Los Angeles. I already had hippie leanings and smoked pot. They were afraid that I would lose myself and go full blown hippie. They may have prevented me from turning full blown hippie but I just ended up losing myself somewhere else. (at UC Santa Barbara) Losing myself and developing mental illness was inevitable for me. It is in my genes, although my family was unaware of that fact and still denies that mental illness runs in our family. My paternal great grandfather died in a mental institution, but my family tells me that my mental illness is not genetic. I merely experimented with too many drugs, beginning in junior high. As far as I am concerned, both these factors played a part in my mental illness.
Anyway, to Santa Cruz and all areas affected by fires at this time, I am praying for you!
Saturday, August 22, 2020
Trick
Don’t let the voices
Trick you into being self-destructive
Or into hurting someone else
And doing their dirty work for them
Let the evil lie with the voices
Thursday, August 20, 2020
Don't Come Around Here...
Whose fault is it
That I lost my marriage
That I lost my family
That I lost my nice home
And everything sacred in my world
Who are you anyway
Numerous times you have tried
To walk into my world
And shake it up
But you weren't that serious
And you didn't take action
Don't visit my town
Don't surf my beach
Don't drive past me
I am not amused
It is 432 miles from Carlsbad to Santa Cruz
Don't waste a roadtrip
To ruin my world again
Leigh: He tried to break up your relationship before you were married and it didn't work! Then you came for him after he married me, which would never work! Keep your eyes on the prize, Keith Spellman. You have the best, so forget the rest! I practice Santeria, so be forewarned. Keith will not be leaving me ever. I think it's comical that you left your husband for Keith Spellman, when he is happily married to me. Let me cast a love spell on Keith Spellman, that will get you out of his head!
(I saw Santa Cruz fire trending on Twitter today.)
Esteban: You always wanted to visit Santa Cruz. Today would be a great day to do that! Ha Ha! Walk towards the fire!
Monday, August 17, 2020
Love is an opiate
Love is an opiate of the masses
Love is another opiate of the masses. It starts off good then turns to ■■■■. We are really only in love for a short time. The only way it doesn’t turn to ■■■■ is if your best friends or live separate lives. The problem is that most people marry for looks. That’s probably why the divorce rate is so high.
The best way to do it is date somebody 6 months - one year. Then keep finding new partners.- anonymous
Sunday, August 16, 2020
Message from my troll...
We were discussing vanity on schizophrenia.com and some troll blasted me with this comment and meme. I may be a bit delusional, with a slightly inflated view of myself, but I am not that shallow. I am a good person. I do not believe that EVERY man aspires to date only skinny blondes. Maybe there is some truth to that though. Blondes tend to seek out other blondes. I have noticed that. I may be a chubby, brunette with curly/frizzy hair but I still feel attractive at 45 years old. Pardon me for being secure with myself. Don't be threatened by my self-confidence. No, I don't look like Gwyneth Paltrow and am totally fine with that!
Apparently I have this!
I have gastric intestinal metaplasia. My endoscopy found a precancerous lesion in my intestines from excessive GERD. Pretty gross huh? Apparently the problem of acid reflux is more than just a nuisance. It has caused me some internal damage by the time I am 45 years old. I am glad that I did my recommended screening at the appropriate age and did not wait until it was too late. I hope this doesn't turn into Cancer. Hopefully, this can be remedied soon. I am supposed to have another endoscopy at the end of the year.
Saturday, August 15, 2020
I wrote this!
So I wrote this depressing song tonight. No I didn’t really. Gary Numan wrote it and it has wonderfully sad lyrics. It is about a lost love. Perfect!
Thursday, August 13, 2020
Monday, August 10, 2020
Magic Monday
Lost puppy
I was walking yesterday
She looks like a lost puppy
Walking around the neighborhood
Glancing at other men
Hoping to be picked up
When she has a husband at home!
Friday, August 7, 2020
Truly Tasteless jokes
Sweet silence
I have enjoyed a "sweet silence" today from my voices. The only raging voices were heard by choice. (From listening to Rage Against The Machine during my hill climb) I am having some stomach pain which is preventing me from running/jogging. I might actually have a problem with my appendix, due to my colonoscopy.
So I am bummed that a mental health website, Psychcentral, used to feature my blog and apparently took it down. It no longer "meets their writing and content standards." What a burn! People are put off by my subject matter, so I occasionally shift into posting music and movie videos that speak to me. Oh well. I was looking back on some old posts and deleting then. A lot of what I post is just TMI anyway. I did post about Barry Manilow in one post, and the YouTuber who posted the video removed it from my site. I think I scared him off. I am not really a fan of Barry Manilow anyway.
My blog can be problematic for me mentally. Blogging and getting page views from across the globe, gives me The Truman Show delusion a lot of the time. I feel like I am secretly famous and everyone is watching me and reading my blog for entertainment. I mean I hope someone out there reading my blog, learns something about mental illness, or gets entetained from what I post.
Is this real?
Wednesday, August 5, 2020
Happy birthday to Keith!
Leigh: Be forewarned. It's my husband's birthday. If you dare say anything about it on your blog, there will be consequences. That aircraft's low-flying, fly-by over your house yesterday was not Keith. He is celebrating in Santa Cruz WITH ME! Keith is a LEO and he is my soulmate, so be forewarned. He has nothing in common with you astrologically and he is not interested in you, so be forewarned!
Sunday, August 2, 2020
Cambodia
To my Cambodian visitor who viewed my blog over 20 times in the past seven days “ orkun” and please come back again!
As the blonde fades...
So does my California dream
In this quarantine
My beauty no one knows
As my roots show
I hide in my home
When I just want to roam
Everyone else is at the beach
I would love to go out with my friends
But I won’t until Coronavirus ends
I am proud to say I have been doing my part
Because I love my family with all my heart
After we get a vaccine
I will once again live the California dream
Get my hair colored
And my roots covered
But for now I will let my roots show
My beauty is a secret that you don’t know
Also, if you can’t see my brunette beauty
Then you are not the one for me
Leigh: You're not living the California dream anyway, so be forewarned!
The world has gone schizophrenic
The world has gone schizophrenic
In this pandemic
Don’t be an ass
Wear a mask
Saturday, August 1, 2020
This is very hippie!
“Let this dog be his true self and be free to do as he pleases.” I am a bit jealous. Dogs can roam free without a mask and not get coronavirus right now. Plus he is getting his 15 minutes of fame. He is a cute and sweet dog though. Well deserved!
Grateful
The good thing about having only 1 active follower is I can pretty much say whatever I want and no one is offended because no one is reading this. Same with not being allowed to have any advertising on my blog. No one is censoring me or criticizing whatever I write about or for expressing a point of view that someone reading might disagree with.
But don’t tell me that my page views are accidental, Google Blogger. Someone in the Ukraine viewed my blog 125 times in the last 7 days. They must have returned out of interest in what I have to say. So Hallo Ukrainian visitor!
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