That’s a badass cat!

 https://www.instagram.com/tv/CactkRWgst7/?utm_medium=share_sheet

Milestone

 Ok so I cooked gnocchi for the first time today. It was from a kit, which made it so easy, but it was a success. Well for me, at least. Someone just remarked that they are avoiding the kitchen right now because it smells like burnt potatoes. Ugh!

 

Nearly lost you

 … Did you hear the distant cry

Calling me back to my sin
Like the one you knew before
Calling me back once again

… I nearly, I nearly lost you there
And it's taken us somewhere
I nearly lost you there
Let's try to sleep now

… Drag me far enough to know
I'm blind every mile that you burn
There's a rider that's fallen and
It's clear there's no time to return

… I nearly, I nearly lost you there
And it's taken us somewhere
I nearly lost you there
Well let's try to sleep now

… Did you hear the distant lie
Calling me back to my sin
Like the one you knew before
Calling me back once again

… I nearly, I nearly lost you there
And it's taken us somewhere
I nearly lost you there
Well let's try to sleep now
I nearly lost you there
I nearly lost you
I nearly lost you there
I nearly lost you there
I nearly lost you there
Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah oh 
Nearly lost you there - Screaming Trees

So Screaming Trees are in the news. I haven’t heard this song for years. I used to love this song in college. I always thought it was a love song though. Reading the lyrics here? It seems not so much a love song. lol Great song nonetheless and sorry to hear of the passing of their lead singer.

Maeve: Holy shit! Why do you romanticize all of your memories about college? You see it right there talking about that song! You romanticized it and you were partially to completely off base. Such is the case with my husband, Trey Sanders. He is not harboring any romantic feelings towards you, nor did he ever! You just wished he did and you still do wish! Be forewarned. Unfortunately for you, we are having a sweet, romantic date this Friday night, while you sit at home waiting, pining, and kissing your cat! Ick! Be forewarned!

Matteo: You are a true cat lady now! Be forewarned! Maybe you are the witch in this scenario and the highlight of your night will be riding your broomstick? I think the tables have turned and hopefully your blog readers will see that you are the witch, the bitch, and the home-wrecking villain all rolled into one. Be forewarned!

Sometimes

Sometimes you have

To admit you’re

The bad guy

In a situation

Good news

 Maeve: Stupid bitch! You know that I would have stopped and been the first one to come to the aid of the injured boy! Be forewarned! I am a Good Samaritan! I care about people! Trey and I rescue dogs and people, so be forewarned! What have you ever done for anyone besides yourself? How do you help others? How do you give back to the world? Pay it forward? I know that you don’t do a thing! Your karma is working in reverse! I know what you are plotting to do!  Even when you are given an opportunity to improve your karma, you fuck it all up. Now you’ve done it! That boy will probably die because of your apathy! Then your karma will remain in the trash for good! Amen and be forewarned!

Matteo: Matteo has something to say! I sent you over to the cops today. You weren’t trying to redeem yourself for fleeing the scene of the accident!  I was hoping that they would beat or arrest you. Your history with the police has not been good. I think it’s time for another handcuffed trip in the back of a squad car to the closest mental hospital. Another 5150 would be great right about now. I would find that to be incredibly pleasing and quite hilarious too! Be forewarned! If I could wish you back into handcuffs, that is where you would find yourself again! Keep it up! Be forewarned!

Accident this morning

Today I had a front row view to a traffic accident. A boy from La Costa Canyon high school was traveling on an ebike up La Costa and was hit by a car making a left turn onto Levante. It was terrible to witness and I hope the boy is okay. Here’s the thing!

I have this delusion that I am a muse to musicians and celebrities who travel down to Carlsbad because they think that driving past me is good luck. They also think that I am cool for being schizoaffective, like Syd Barrett. Anyway, if I am such good luck why couldn’t I stop this? I didn’t even get out of my car or call 911. Bring on the feelings of guilt!

Now I have this paranoid feeling that someone is going to put my picture on the crappy neighborhood website Nextdoor for being a horrible human being and not doing the right thing to help the boy and be a Good Samaritan. I am apparently not that! 😢 

After I dropped my son off at school I circled back to the accident, told the police that I witnessed the accident, and asked the police if they needed any more information and they said no and sent me away. Weirdly enough I thought I saw Andy Dick driving past me when I was walking away from police. Someone once accused him of not doing enough to help his friend Phil Hartman from his out-of-control wife.  So we have this in common. Anyway, I could have done more to help, in this instance, of the accident.

 

Mood

 This is how I am feeling and actually how I look. I even have the ratty flannel on. I have thrown in the towel for sure, looks wise!

I’m not a regular mom. I’m a cool mom!

 https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdS2Jpa1/

My daughters are beautiful and I know this!!

Her boyfriend! 😂

 He looks so sick of taking selfies. Quit trying to make me jealous!! This is the truth of social media! Ok ok I get that they are actors. lol 

Sick guy! The Co-Ed killer

 https://www.biography.com/.amp/crime-figure/edmund-kemper

The Ogre of Aptos? There is someone out there crazier than you and me. Never forget that! I am from Los Angeles too with the wild desire to end up in Aptos and pick up an old college friend for lunch. That is where the similarities end. Yuck! There is something on the ID channel tonight about this muderer that I knew nothing about until today. Scary 😟 but I might tune in tonight for a bit of Santa Cruz history.

Matteo: Are you sure that you should be watching that? It could put ideas into your head. We know you can’t control yourself…when it comes to Trey Sanders, so be forewarned!

Maeve: Why do you need to watch a documentary about “The Aptos Ogre? The Co-Ed Killer? You are trying to brush up on your Santa Cruz history? Be forewarned, so what will they say about you? “The Carlsbad Cougar: She chews them up and spits them out!” We are all worried about Trey. He is traveling in the wrong direction and headed for trouble. If he survives with his life, that is all that will survive. Your love relationship is doomed and his heart will ultimately break, as mine is broken now. Be forewarned!

 

Bizarre news from the Olympics

 https://sports.yahoo.com/beijing-olympics-finnish-cross-country-skier-suffers-frozen-penis-the-pain-was-unbearable-190726163.html

Finnish skier suffers from Frozen penis? And this is the second time that this has happened to him? Something tells me that this guy has a pattern of blaming his skiing losses on his penis! He knew he was going to lose so he decided to get some publicity with a funny story about his penis? Am I wrong?

Magic

I believe in magic! I might have posted this video before. I named my first child Olivia after Olivia Newton-John. She is beautiful, sweet, graceful, and has a beautiful singing voice. Who wouldn’t name their daughter after her? A few years ago, I made a disparaging comment on Twitter when people were praising Olivia Newton-John for opening up about her marijuana use for Cancer pain. It was a knee jerk reaction out of jealousy possibly. It was all so new and I didn’t fully understand her perspective as I hadn’t been touched by Cancer. In 2019, when my mother died from Cancer, I saw her pain and suffering and I changed my tune big time. I wonder what I would do in the same situation? Living with/dying of Cancer is a hellish situation  and since my antipsychotic medication isn’t controlling my voices as it is, would I use marijuana for pain? I am probably going to go down hearing voices and taking the voices down  with me, in the end. 

Terrible horoscope today

 https://www.yourtango.com/2022348374/why-aries-scorpio-and-aquarius-will-have-rough-horoscope-february-20-2022?amp

But do you have to insult me?? I am an Aquarius and feel slightly offended by my horoscope today. The astrologer was sort of railing on me, much like my voices. Not fun for me to read at all!

Clouds ⛅️

If you zoom in on these clouds, does anyone else see a headless, plump woman in parachute pants, doing the splits? Or if you zoom in further, a pair of lips? It’s probably just me again! lol 

He isn’t really coming here.

 https://news.yahoo.com/she-ain-t-coming-back-183000094.html

Maeve: Yes, so why would Trey Sanders come out of the woodwork, to sweep you off your feet,  when you had a litter of children with someone else? You have three children with Stephen. Trey isn’t stepping in to parent your children now or ever, so be forewarned! You are kidding yourself! He has it all! He has a wonderful wife and a fantastic fur baby. All of Treys childhood friends are here. He has established his medical practice here in Santa Cruz! We love our house and our beach view! You are delusional!! Keep your life and your three children in Carlsbad for Stephen or just someone else. This man is mine! Be forewarned! You are just like Nick Cannon! You had way too many children to swing Trey Sanders! 😆You can’t get him back! That ship has sailed!  I am laughing hysterically right now! Be forewarned!

Matteo.: Yes,  reality check!! Read that article again and let it sink in! Be forewarned!

Catching some rays!

 

Crazy long lizard in my driveway

 I should have taken a picture of this lizard from the front. It had red eyes! If my voices were lizards, they would have evil, red eyes, like this one. Maybe this is Matteo in another form. Hmmm…

 

Hiking with my friend Holly!

 

Wednesday night guilt trip

Maeve: You are shameless! Be forewarned! You walk around town, desperately trying to grab the attention of men, like Trey Sanders. Why don’t you give the strutting around your neighborhood a rest? You look like a cougar on the prowl for some fresh meat! Why don’t you give up the pursuit of my husband and focus on your own life? Never mind the blonde men driving by in passing cars who look vaguely like your college crush . Trey happens to be my husband. I hope that you never reunite with him and if you do, it wreaks havoc on your life, only to eventually crash and burn. Be forewarned!

Valentina: I am looking at you and I see a soulless individual, who is morally bankrupt. Pursuing married men, particularly that of my dear sister, is screwing with your karma, for sure! The only way to save yourself is to ignore the advances of Trey Sanders and focus on the family you created happily, so many years ago, without Trey! You closed the door on him many years ago and he might need me to remind him of that. He had a perfect life and wife in Santa Cruz, and he is giving that all up for what? A washed up housewife with a wandering eye? He should know better than to go down that path with someone who has so much baggage! He will end up carrying that weight, lose his freedom, and ultimately end up miserable! This is already a train wreck! Expect more casualties down the road! Be forewarned!

Matteo: You are one selfish bitch, for sacrificing your intact family, for an affair! Are you seriously considering moving out, to be with Trey? Initiating that distance from your children will impact their lives forever, creating a downward spiral of pain and misery. Be forewarned. You got married to Stephen in 2004. You made your bed and you must continue to lie in it , with the life partner you chose!  If you were smart, although I already know that you are not smart, you would stay put and stay away from Trey Sanders! Be forewarned!

Love the sheep!

 https://go-viral.com/blacknose-sheep-real-stuffed-animals?fbclid=IwAR2Rqc_mHG1451x23CI7pGMUleW5yQcU7jGBQwcUahWuJCNj11aVerkVa-8

Did you happen to travel to Arizona this past weekend?

 If you weren’t there, you missed out on communing with your fellow brethren.

https://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/us/2022/february/a-battle-of-good-and-evil-satanists-hold-convention-targeting-az-city-that-did-not-allow-satanic-invocation

Past present future Valentines Day

 Should have been. Maybe in another life. Always in my dreams.

Valentines Day

 Have fun with your hot young gal pal, masquerading around town, like you know what love is! I will be sure to do the same!

OMG

 This totally 70’s song has been stuck in my head lately. I wonder why?

He’s a total dreamboat!

He was also The Greatest American Hero! Of course I would go to prom with him! What could go wrong?

Speak now…

If anyone objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.

But you didn’t do either.

You didn’t crash my wedding in 2004 and speak up then…

And here you are now, in 2022, obviously not at peace 

I am sorry for playing the blame game tonight 

When it is equally my fault that we never got together 

I remember when I found out that you (choke) “got married.”

Have you ever thought to yourself

It should have been me?

I was disappointed deep down inside 

But would never honestly admit it

Until I did admit it!

I notice now that I keep seeing you everywhere I look!

What is he doing here?

You flatter me so much with your continued devotion!

But is this real?

Are you at peace in your actual life?

I often wonder…

Well I wish you peace!

I honestly hope that you carry on with your romantic pursuit of me 

I am just a mixed up mess of excitement and confusion 

I also want to apologize for not waiting for you, so many years ago! It’s not a race to the altar! What a wonderful husband you would have made for me!

Matteo: You want him to carry you off into the sunset, like he did Maeve? He couldn’t lift you, if he tried! Your boobs alone are 50 pounds, so be forewarned!

 

Growing tangerines!

“Tangerine, Tangerine, living reflection from a dream
I was her love, she was my queen, and now a thousand years between.”

Check out this new tangerine tree! I think that I need more fruit in my diet, especially delicious tangerines!

 

 

Time to move again?

Every time a family member throws shade at me, especially on social media, I think to myself, “why did I choose to remain in Soutthern California to live near my “beloved “ family? What a fool was I? I have said it before. I will say it again. I should be living in Santa Cruz with my college sweetheart/soulmate. Ok so I didn’t actually even have a boyfriend in college but this guy that I am still head over heels in love with. (You know who you are)

I keep wondering and it constantly disappoints my hopes via social media. Seriously, that’s the spirit of my fairy godmother on the right making sure Trey thinks of me every second of every day during his marriage to Maeve! Thank you Nonna!

The Virgin Moon

I viewed a beautiful crescent moon tonight. Later, I learned from Wikipedia, that the Catholic Church associates crescent moons with the Virgin Mary and virginity. It’s interesting and frustrating, at the same time, that there is no in-between in Catholicism. As a female, you are either a crescent moon (virgin) or a full moon (pregnant) So, what does that make me? 

Maeve: You lack the luminescent beauty of the moon. You don’t even compare. You will always be a pregnant-looking full moon, so be forewarned!

Matteo: You know nothing about the moon! Be forewarned! You look to Wikipedia for your education about everything! You’re so stupid!

Me: At least I don’t perform animal sacrifices, for the devil, by moonlight!

Matteo: You see, right there, more racism and ignorance folks! I love nature! I love animals! I love the moon! I don’t perform animal sacrifices! If I didn’t hate you so much, I would say that we had a lot in common, but you messed with my family and  now you are going to pay!  I could care less about faithless Trey’s wandering eye. But you have been tempting him all along and you caused the breakdown of his marriage to Maeve. She is suffering in the worst way now! For your actions against her, my family, we will never stop hexing you! Be forewarned! 

Maeve: Psych! Trey and I are happily in bed together, right now, so be forewarned!

White elephant

From my point of view 

He is like 

A beautifully wrapped present 

Brightly colored and fun looking 

With a giant, tightly-knotted bow on top

Making it hard to open 

It is making the rounds 

And I want it

It is in the possession of someone else 

And it’s making me a little jealous 

I am curious what is inside 

And I assume it’s something wonderful 

But unfortunately I cannot have it

I have to find a way to make it mine 

With a little luck and finesse 

I could take possession of it

Or while no one is looking 

I could snatch it and open it myself 

Pirate the loot inside 

And leave only the mess behind 

Why does my dream man seem so much 

Like a game of white elephant 

If only these prayers worked!

 

 

Don’t read my blog you don’t have love for big beautiful women!!

 https://www.scarymommy.com/man-body-shaming-women/?amp=1

Today I came across a thread discussing the not-so-wonderful time of the 1980’s where women were routinely fat-shamed, especially in the surf/beach culture. Fuck surfers anyway, because they don’t own the beach. Us fat folks will go anywhere we please. I am so out of it but I was unaware that there was a popular bumper sticker in San Diego beach communities that read “No Fat Chicks.” Again, fuck you for that. This is the very reason I hated San Diego , when I first moved here and it’s mad-dogging, territorial surfers. I pray that you have and will continue to evolve. I take a powerful antipsychotic for my SZA, that works against me ever being super skinny, according to San Diego beach culture standards. Deal with it! I am sick of hiding from stuck up surfers and sick of the pretense! I want to go to the beach!!

Matteo: That is true! You are fat! Be forewarned!

 

 

Sigh!

I dreamt that 

It was all a façade

Forever rocking your pictures 

On Facebook 

In an expensive suit

Looking every bit of gorgeous 

With your decked out wife

And your wedding ring

Who would have known 

That a spontaneous kiss

Could be so phony and staged?

No offense

But haven’t we been soulmates

In love with each other since day 1?

What a relief to know that

You couldn’t keep away from me

As I couldn’t either 

Bravely traveling down to my neck of the woods 

To catch a glimpse of me 

Sigh, how romantic!

Maeve: He meant it, at the time, bitch! We were madly in love with each other! This is all a huge disaster, thanks to your snooping around our Facebook pages and for contacting my husband! Private message him and tell him that you are still in love with him, why don’t you? Stupid bitch! We are not done hexing you yet, so be forewarned!