Stole this from a friend. No, my destiny is not with you.  Singing the blues here. I can't help talking about you...and it isn't all good. 

https://beekeepercenter.com/are-bees-arthropods/

The other day I noted that the voices in my head occasionally use a few words that I personally have never used in a sentence. (such as forewarned and wherewithal) This creates a foreign feeling in me that the words come from an outside individual. I wondered then if the foreign voices were smarter than me. Sometimes I feel like the voices are idiots. At other times, I feel like the idiot. Today, I started hearing voices again. I was driving and noticing that the car in front of me had a sticker of a bee on it. Esteban, the male voice, pointed out that bees are arthropods. I never knew that. I wonder where this information came from? Could Esteban (the idiot) know something about science? Unbelievable!

Stay away from synthesizers in San Francisco! Man, you can't touch any musical instrument in San Francisco without taking an 8 hour acid trip?!

https://gizmodo.com/man-restoring-a-classic-synthesizer-goes-on-a-9-hour-ac-1835070994?utm_medium=sharefromsite&utm_source=gizmodo_copy&utm_campaign=bottom

Wow! My Bitmoji Avatar is feeling very patriotic.  (Moment of silence for awesome America.) I love that I live in a country with free speech. I don't like Donald Trump and I plan on voting for anyone else next election. I appreciate people's different viewpoints and resistance to the President. However, I am grateful to be living in America. I appreciate the military for protecting this country so selflessly. Have a wonderful Memorial day! Pray for world 🙏 peace!

Speaking of ☮️, yes, I have to share this today!

This might be more appropriate for the Fourth of July. Oh well. Enjoy!

Damn broccoli advocates again! Now I should take a broccoli supplement. Just joking, I am willing to try anything. Sulforaphane acts on the liver, which my current medication also does. I already have elevated liver levels, so I will consult my doctor first.


https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-7009967/Key-treating-schizophrenia-BROCCOLI-study-shows.html

What do you call a neighbor that never says hi, in fact, they turn their back on you every time they see you? The un-neighbor? Rude! Now I have done this too. I blame my shyness. This behavior runs rampant in my neighborhood. This is the un-neighborhood as far as I am concerned. Effort is limited here, but there is a bright side to this. A few people make an effort on a good day, including me. Things could be worse, I know. There is an unspoken agreement to basically leave each other alone and let each other live their lives in peace.


https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/smart-living/20-things-youre-doing-that-your-neighbors-hate/ar-BBNYjpc?ocid=se

" I wish I could pull my voice out and make it a real person, I’d put it in jail for the rest of its life for stalking and threats and harassment. I deserve that after what the voice has put me through, but I can’t, because it’s just a voice. It’s so frustrating."

I felt stalked and harassed today. I went to pick up my children from school and found my son with his teacher crying. No one knew why he was upset and he wouldn't explain. I assumed he was just tired. He was being very loud. On the way back to the car, I heard someone mimicking him. I was so hurt and offended. I took it harder than my son who didn't really notice.

I think the culprit was this idiot stalker Tony who I have not spoken to in 20 years. I never want to hear or see him ever again but I feel like he is occasionally at my children's school school being a menace. My poor children did nothing to deserve being mocked and stalked by a complete loser.

What is wrong with Tony? Why is he here? He is a husband and father in Los Angeles. Go home!

Stalking is such an impossible thing to prosecute. I need a restraining order but no one ever believes me when I go to the police because of my mental illness!

I have worn a lot of cute statement t-shirts. This is nothing that I would ever wear. It is totally stupid. May is Mental Health Awareness month. Please don't make a joke out of it.

This picture below is my idea of a cute statement t-shirt. Ciao baby!

 I am not in the camp of people who believe that vaccines cause Autism. I don't believe that essential oils do anything positive either. What a scam! It's so goofy!  There is no scientific proof that vaccines cause Autism.  Parents get so freaked out that their children might get Autism from vaccines. As a mother to wonderful, awesome, Autistic  children, I am offended by that. My children are sweeter than your neurotypical children anyway! 

Here is more dark humor for you.

Does anyone else remember this song from the 80's? I was chatting with a friend at Starbucks today when this song came on the speakers. I liked it so much that it was distracting me from our conversation. Anyway I want to share this songs greatness with you.  :)

Ok he is totally lipsynching in this performance but still great! LOL

This must be Southern California humor. First of all, someone from LA really thinks highly of themself. I was just in Los Angeles yesterday and they really aren't that stylish. So...no to that. San Diego should be more of a surfer. But feel free to say whatever you want about Northern California. Who is Santa Cruz? The janitor? (Witch cackle)

I drove 2 1/2 hours to a family reunion today with my two  daughters  and had a nice time. When it came time to drive home, I hopped in my car and got on the road, completely forgetting to take my Xanax. Here is what the voices had to say to me as I drove home in traffic.

Federica: We hate you so we are hexing you. Be forewarned. Sunset Blvd. is not hexing you. We are hexing you.

Leigh: We know where you are at all times. You just realized that there is a carpool lane and you are not in it? That is the stupidest thing I ever heard. You have to be the dumbest person that I have ever met.

Esteban: You have never actually met her.

Leigh: You have to be the dumbest person that I have never actually met!

Me: They always gang up on me.

Leigh: This should feel like a massive attack on you.

Esteban sang along to practically every song that came on the radio, such as love songs, like the duet between Rob Thomas and Carlos Santana.

Me: Knock yourself out and keep singing. I really could care less. It's not bothering me.

Esteban: This is a one-sided conversation, so be forewarned. Do not be forewarned! We are not hexing you. You are having a mid-life crisis, so be forewarned!

Am I still afraid of Keith's wife and her friends? Yes! Am I afraid of her friends because they are Venezuelan and might practice Santeria? I will admit that this is completely true, especially when I am hearing voices.  I also recently noticed all these subtle little key marks all over my car. I think these same people are the likely culprits.

Xenophobia and racism are bad. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt each time a wave of suspicion comes over me and I assume that it is because of these individuals. It could be the work of an entirely different enemy, like this nutty guy Tony, who keeps stalking me. (eventhough I have not spoken to him since 1998) It could also be someone completely random who keyed my car. Who knows?

A little levity... 

Someone asked me today if I ever get starstruck around celebrities. I told them that I am originally from Los Angeles (Santa Monica/Brentwood area) so my neighbors were celebrities. I never got starstruck seeing my neighbor, Keifer Sutherland, walking the dog. That was just life living in Brentwood. I loved the movie Lost Boys but I never approached Keifer, when I saw him. I ignored him, like I did all my neighbors. LOL When you see a celebrity is LA they are called "neighbors."When you see a celebrity in San Diego, the assumption is that they are a hallucination.

I guess I have been a little starstruck with celebrities like Guns N' Roses or the Beastie Boys, but I never actually met them in person. At least they never had the opportunity to disappoint me in real life. They could snub me completely, be arrogant jerks, and worse yet hurt my feelings. I don't think I could ever get over that. I build rock/rap stars up so much it would probably disappoint me to see all their flaws in person. I am better off being a nobody surrounded by other nobodies. LOL

Ok a live musician was playing this song at Gelson's today. Great song! I have never loved like this. I like to keep things calm and in check. Musicians though, they love HARD! I can't even imagine! What's a ring of fire? I don't even know. It sounds awesome though!

Now this here is a ride or die Mother's Day card. My kids really need to step it up! They are sweet and all but this is dedication! (Joking)

Esteban!

(Seriously though) I think I absolutely misunderstood this song. Evil Ways has more to do with the evil that transpires within a romantic relationship rather than supernatural evil. However, Black Magic Woman is another story.

I love people watching the audience in this video. Look at all those dancing hippies! Wow!

It happened again. I heard a great song at Vons! Please stop serenading me at the grocery store!

My thoughts normally are not as dark as some of these memes. Perhaps it is because I am only schizoaffective and not schizophrenic. There seems to be some debate which is worse, SZ or SZA. My therapist tells me SZA is a milder form of schizophrenia. I am not medication-resistant either. I am happy to say that my meds are working great! I am grateful for my Vraylar. Thank you Allergan!

I do not think pharmaceutical companies are evil. My husband works for a pharmaceutical company. They are doing their best to create products that improve and lengthen lives. 

Look what I found! It is one of my wedding photos from 2004! I wish I had a makeup artist every day. This is probably the best I ever looked. I remember the dress was made by Ines Di Santo. If only I could be this young and this thin again. 

I love nerds but why are all nerd jokes so funny? Even the one's I don't really understand (like on The Big Bang Theory) are funny. Sorry! I do love nerds though! :) (I am
Penny) LOL

This kind of post is dangerous because it gets us comparing our romantic relationships to other people's romantic relationships.  No, I do not have this kind of relationship, although my husband can be quite witty. I married a super-smart chemist. He does not keep me constantly laughing and isn't very playful, but he is a good man with many other fine qualities. He can answer most questions I shoot his way. He is a wonderful, generous father. He has been my best friend for over 15 years. No one else can compare to him because no one else wanted to be in an adult relationship with me. He courted me to the hilt and was a total gentleman. No one could compare. So no relationship is perfect but I certainly don't need a goofball to come along and sweep me off my feet. I am already swept away by a dignified, sweet man. My own husband.

OMG Too funny! I have to watch this with my wine tasting ladies! 

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/an-snl-girls-trip-inspired-amy-poehlers-netflix-movie-wine-country-1145215

I just saw a Twitter post lamenting the fact that they are taking psych meds and complaining about the adverse health effects they suffer because of it. I admit I also suffer from adverse side effects. But I have schizoaffective disorder, which is considered a MAJOR mental illness, and adverse side effects go with the territory. I am overweight. I have high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I attribute that to my meds but I still need to take my meds. I don't have that choice whether or not to take my meds. If you come to my blog, you will get a good mothering nag to take your meds people! That is my motto.

No one hesitates to term schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder  MAJOR mental illnesses, which shocked and offended me, when I was first diagnosed. So, if SZ/SZA are major mental illnesses, what are the minor mental illnesses? I often wonder if the people lamenting whether or not to take their meds have MINOR mental illnesses, like anxiety or something. Is it fair to classify anxiety, as a MINOR mental illness? People with minor mental illnesses, who debate whether or not to take their meds, aren't really my people. 

I am in this for the long haul and taking my meds will always be VERY NECESSARY for me to function. on a daily basis.  It would be dangerous and irresponsible for me or anyone with a MAJOR mental illness to go off meds. It isn't an option that we have, so I repeat, TAKE YOUR MEDS!

Thank God for lyric videos on YouTube. There are many songs to which I never knew the lyrics and now they are miraculously explained. However, I always knew the lyrics to this song actually. This could be my theme song. I have been hiding from my feelings for years! 

In college, I would go watch a band who played Men At Work a lot. Every time I hear Men At Work, I think of this college band (Nervous Sheep) who used to cover them. Since my mental illness first started affecting me in college, I often go back to that place in time and the people that I met there. 

When I first met my husband, I started talking to him about Men At Work and he also liked the band. He admitted that, had he had the opportunity, he would have watched a Men At Work cover band in college too. (Because why not? They were pretty awesome and my other 40-year-old friends concur.) So that was something that initially bonded us. :)

Here is what I think the study below is saying. My hallucinations and optimism help trigger/maintain grandiose delusions. I think my delusions are harmless, but this study makes an interesting point. An example of my hallucinations are seeing the rock star Slash and the rap star Mike D driving through my neighborhood. I get a sense of euphoria when I see them. I then start to feel optimistic, like I have a chance with them romantically. Yes, they could be my future husbands... if anything happens to my current husband. What an awesome backup plan! Unfortunately, seeing these two individuals driving around Carlsbad are likely hallucinations.

https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/home/schizophrenia-advisor/hallucinations-optimism-help-maintain-grandiose-delusions-in-schizophrenia/

Can we go back to this period in time? I would much prefer the romanticism of this eye portrait jewelry than the pictures that are sent via Tinder nowadays! Ick!

https://www.artsy.net/article/artsy-editorial-mysterious-history-lovers-eye-jewelry

I don't know what made me think of this today. LOL Do you remember the t.v. show Perfect Strangers from the 1980's? I admit I watched this cheesy show religiously during my childhood. Looking back on clips of this show, it wasn't even that funny. The Balki character was the funniest part of the show. I don't think a sitcom like this would be considered socially acceptable today. We were essentially laughing at Balki's thick accent and all the confusion and misunderstandings that he experienced as an American immigrant. Was Perfect Strangers a tad xenophobic or harmless fun?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfect_Strangers_(TV_series)

An important part of self-care is practicing positive thinking. #mentalhealthmonth

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough, and we'll be more content when they are.

After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our partner gets his or her act together when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice holiday, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

A quote comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said,

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until winter, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink.... there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Work like you don't need money,

Love like you've never been hurt,

And dance like no one's watching.