Don't be a fool on April Fools Day! Has anyone not seen this yet? People with children probably have. Hey, at least I didn't post the Baby Shark Doo Doo Doo video.

My son keeps watching McDonald's commercials in different languages on YouTube.  He loves McDonald's Happy Meals and loves watching their commercials. The bright side to this is that there is a chance he is learning Spanish/Mandarin etc. from these commercials. 

I am trying to hypnotize you into eating McDonald's french fries and cheating on your diet here. Unfortunately, it is I that is craving french fries now.

Someone just warned me that rock stations might be going country tomorrow. Please don’t do that. I hate April Fools Day!

Ok  so this has nothing (really) to do with my mental health journey. I just loved being a child of the 80's. (I watched too much t.v. though!) Remember these classic t.v. commercials from the 1980's? Which one was cuter? It is a close call!

I can totally relate to this video! Been there, done that! My illness kicks in when I start thinking I am famous too, while watching this! I am not a celebrity but I understand and empathize with everything that she is saying! I put my blog out there, but I do not know of ANYONE I know that actually read this. None of my friends or family know or care about my blog. I mean, they are not interested. Whitney Port was on a reality show, The Hills, for many years. So, that figures into her insecurities when she meets new moms. Do they know me from The Hills? Do they like or dislike me because I am a reality star? I guess that I am grateful to be an anonymous non-celebrity because it is a simpler life. Whitney Port seems like a sweet girl, maybe more introverted, like me. I am not big on smiling at or chatting up strangers. That is just out of my comfort zone.  Unfortunately, not everyone you meet will become a friend. Women/moms really do need to be nicer to each other though.

I joke a lot, on my blog, to show that people living with mental illness have hearts, souls, and funny bones, like everyone else. Then I hear serious stories of mental illness/psychosis that stop me dead in my tracks. A woman, living in San Diego, had severe self-harm command hallucinations from psychosis, and inadequate emergency medical care, leading her to gouge her own eye out while at Sharp Grossmont Hospital. Although this situation may be out of the ordinary, it should be a wake up call to the public at large. We need compassionate people in government to go to bat for us. We need to speak and educate about mental illness. We need to protect our mentally ill population. We need funding for better mental emergency care, better training of medical staff, and far better medical attention than is currently available. We cannot brush the mentally ill population under the rug! We have to take care of them!


https://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local/Woman-Blames-Sharp-Grossmont-For-Self-Inflicted-Injury-During-Psychotic-Episode-507702541.html

Individuals suffer from mental illness worldwide. Today, when I saw a news video in which a naked man attempted to board a plane in Russia, I sympathized with the man. I knew that he must be mentally ill and I have been there. I took a few random flights while psychotic. I did not cause a commotion, like this man though. Fortunately, I kept my clothes on!

My voices were not commanding me to do anything super bizarre or dangerous. The  voices did mess with me by telling me to fly to unfamiliar places and insulting me throughout the flights. Eventually, I realized not to listen to the voices, as they were just trying to mess with me.

Now they just basically torture me with insults, when they surface, but it is less severe than it was. Fortunately, I am feeling much better than I was during those flights. I hope the man from this news story, accepted help from his local mental hospital, and got back on a medication regimen!


https://ren.tv/novosti/2019-03-23/golym-letet-lovchee-ochevidec-rasskazal-pro-vybezhavshego-pri-posadke-na-samolet

https://www.themoscowtimes.com/2019/03/24/naked-russian-man-tries-to-board-plane-claiming-to-be-more-aerodynamic-a64932

Today I learned that there is a new horror movie out now, "Us," which was filmed in Santa Cruz. This peaked my interest. In my story, "The Voices," a few of the villains hail from Santa Cruz also (in a weird way). "Us" director, Jordan Peele, explores race, class, and privilege, in his new movie.

My movie, "The Voices," would not be that deep, but I think my movie should still be made. My voices are anger and hate turned inward, so I agree with Peele's point to look inward and take a look at yourself when exploring evil. I believe that my story should be told too. He stole my idea of exploring evil in Santa Cruz. (LOL) Oh well.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Us_(2019_film)

I will say that I am not convinced that the voices I am hearing are purely psychotic. There remains the possibility that some mad Venezuelans are out to get me, at the whims of Keith's jealous and insecure wife. Harmful magic is scary. The annoying thing about this film is that it discredits witchcraft. That is not a fun or gripping horror movie, that I would want to watch. Where there is smoke, there is fire. I say, bring on more movies about evil witches and harmful magic!

I guess Trent Shelton is a motivational speaker, of sorts. I like this video and can definately identify with it. Many people make the initial snap judgement not to like me, based on first impressions. I do not like everyone I meet, nor I do consider everyone a friend. I spent so long, having basically, no friends. I am grateful for the friends that I have. I get irritated with my friends, I feel rivalry, jealousy, judgement for them. But they are still my friends. I love my friends and want our friendships to last.

When I was having a major psychotic episode in 2014, I remember driving around San Diego county aimlessly. One day I drove past Jacumba Hot Springs and I thought to myself, "San Diego has hot springs? How cool! I should go there!"

From my internet research, I knew that Santa Cruz has many hot springs that are open to the public. The man that I thought was perfect for me and his wife frequented these hot springs. Santa Cruz is a crazy place! Some of the hot springs there are clothing-optional, which is kind of nasty. Who knows what goes on there? Lots of freakiness and open sexuality, which is really not me at all! I have class!

Anyway, as I was driving through Jacumba and stinking thinking, Esteban sarcastically chuckled, "Jacumba Hot Springs is a really cool area. You should go there or move there." I never understood the joke, at the time. Years later, through watching the news, I learned that Jacumba Hot Springs is the area where San Diego prisons release all of their sexual offenders after they serve their time. Sick! Did Esteban know something that I didn't? He never explained himself, so I will never know, for sure, why he dissed Jacumba Hot Springs. Esteban seems like an idiot, so he may not know anything about the area either. He was just trying to mess with me.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacumba_Hot_Springs,_California

https://www.kusi.com/hearing-held-to-determine-placement-of-convicted-sex-offender-alan-james/

I heard this song over the loudspeakers at Vons tonight. Chris Martin sings the British blues here and it is music to my ears!

My interpretation of this song is that love isn't fair and that love always breaks your heart in the end.

"The psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight." - Joseph Campbell

A Mental Disease by Any Other Name

For Frank Russell, reinterpreting his schizophrenia as shamanism helped his symptoms.

BY SUSIE NEILSON

Click on the link below to read the article

http://nautil.us/issue/58/self/a-mental-disease-by-any-other-name-rp

When I was unmedicated and having a psychotic episode in 2004, my voices kept telling me to find a shaman to help me. I drove to the local Native American reservations to seek one out, who could help me. At the time, I wanted to battle Santeria with Shamanism. I reached out to my only Native American acquaintances, but never received the help that I needed. I never made real contact with a shaman. The article above, discusses the shamanistic view of schizophrenia. It appears that, had I been born into that culture, I might have more support and even an actual appreciation of my illness. It is an interesting thought.

Like this comedian, I consider myself a "bad Catholic." Also, like this comedian, I probably have too many children. It's a lot of work! How can you not like a comedian who roasts Philadelphia? Don't ask me why, but I am secretly reveling in his Philadelphia jokes!

I watched Empire Strikes Back tonight and noted overtones of schizophrenia in the plot. In this clip, you will observe twin telepathy between Luke and Leia. The Star Wars franchise made this concept believable. As an audience member, I rolled with this idea, which may have shaped my future schizoaffective thought patterns. I watched the Star Wars trilogy and believed that telepathy was actually possible. During my darkest moments, I believe that others are speaking to me telpathically. But no one can speak to you, privately in your mind, not even Luke Skywalker!

                                                      I still love this movie of course! :)

...and then there is the quote about delusions of grandeur. LOL

I was just discussing this on schizophrenia.com and Star Wars fans came at me hard. Luke heard voices and saw visions all throughout Star Wars. Is that not schizophrenia?

Jack Tripper! This still amuses me. Watch this funny retro video from Three's Company.

Talk about glamorizing drinking though! Drinking is never all that wild for me.  It is sort of  anticlimactic.I don't think I even had that much fun in college, although my college memories remain admittedly, a bit hazy.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Kiss me, I'm half Irish!

The beauty of having only 1 active blog follower is being able to blog whatever I damn well please, without judgment from others.  I don't think anyone actually reads my blog. 

I vacillate between serious information and silly memes constantly on my blog. Thank you for tolerating me and for visiting my blog!

So, I have been stealing my memes from the schizophrenia.com meme thread. I admit it.

I must say that schizophrenics have the best sense of humor! We get each other and make each other laugh.

One side effect of antipsychotic medication is an increased appetite. We joke about our voracious appetite a lot on the site, as we are always hungry!

A lot of schizophrenics self-medicate. Fortunately, I only drink (and in small amounts). My antipsychotic can zap the joy out of drinking. It doesn't give me the euphoria that it used to. I might get a bit relaxed, followed by downright drowsiness. I do consider going completely sober. Alcohol consumption is frowned upon by mental health professionals and advocates. Alcohol is detrimental to the body and mind. We can't have any fun!

 Thank God I have a sense of humor! Humor helps me through my day.

I got diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, in my early twenties. I remained medicated and stable, for many years. However, I went off my meds, at the start of mid-life. I have since gone back on my meds, but I am not as symptom-free, as I was when I was younger.

Now that I am peri-menopausal, I believe that my lack of estrogen, is impacting my mental health. Please see the article below to read more about the effects of menopause on schizophrenia. I  believe that there is a link between these two events. My voices go back and forth classifying my symptoms as either a "mid-life crisis" or a "major psychotic episode." Could my problem be both of these coinciding events?


https://www.mamamia.com.au/menopause-and-schizophrenia/

#ThrowbackThursday. My mom just found this family photo from 2012? My children were so young and cute. I look a bit dazed here though. I must have been over-medicated with Abilify. I did take really good care, to up my dosage, when I thought symptoms were starting. I don't know if I was able to experience deep emotions or waves of happiness,during this time, due to my antipsychotic. You can imagine the stress of having three little ones, while living with mental illness. I am glad that I have since changed antipsychotics, to one that allows me to feel more and be more alert. Maybe it is just this picture or moment, but I look like am spacing out while taking our annual Christmas photo here. At least my kids and husband look cute, right? I am notoriously critical of all my pictures. LOL

Hi Danielle, I’m back—just like I told you I would be—to offer YOU the chance to join me at my home for an exclusive celebrity charity event. And no, this won’t be a stuffy rubber-chicken dinner. We’ll smoke cigars, have some drinks and enjoy an action-packed evening together. It’s all to benefit my charity, After-School All-Stars, and its mission to help kids succeed in school and life through after-school programs. Hope to see you soon. Arnold

I just received this email. This sounds disgusting and very creepy/Bill Clinton-ish. No thank you!

Smoke Cigars & Drink Scotch with Arnold Schwarzenegger at His House

YOU AND A FRIEND WILL:

• Join Arnold Schwarzenegger at his home in Los Angeles for a celebrity charity event
• Get to know Arnold in the most Arnold-way possible (skip the Scotch if you’re under 21!)
• Enjoy an action-packed night of live entertainment, dress-up photobooths, premium food and drinks, plus meet Arnold’s favorite rescued animals
• Snap a pic with Arnold and receive your new most prized possession: a framed photo of you together
• Get flown out to LA and put up in a 4-star hotel

This reminds me of India Imports in Santa Monica. LOL

Watch the world's most annoying couple!

I saw this advertising campaign for Italian tourism today. Should I be offended? I am half Italian and have never been to Italy so this is partly true. Every time I have flown on a plane, since my the time when I went off meds, I hear voices like crazy. It is not all that fun. I wish traveling were more fun and less stressful for me. Would I have fun in Italy? I really do not know, because hearing voices is a total joy kill! My voices constantly insult me and scream profanities. It is not fun or cute.

https://www.this-is-italy.com/top-10-reasons-youll-want-to-live-in-italy/

My voices have wished cancer on me before. I have had two basal cell carcinomas in the last two years, so I am a bit paranoid about it. I just got great results back from my mammogram! On Tuesday, I am getting two irregular moles on my back biopsied. Wish me luck! I just had one too many serious sunburns growing up. ( I didn't even go to the beach that much, but when I did, I stayed out too long and neglected to put on sunscreen) Years later, I am paying for it.

Last night I did not do anything super-fun, like, go to Mardi Gras. 

I stayed home and watched Leaving Neverland, which left me sad and horrified. Tonight, I decided to mix things up a bit, and watch Locked Up Abroad. Locked Up Abroad convinced me to stay within the continental US for, maybe, the rest of my life. I have FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) from seeing everyone else's vacation photos. I dream of traveling abroad, but I do not have the time or the money to do so now. I am busy with my children and family.

Oh, I also created an avatar on Bitmoji tonight. Yes, I am a geek and easily entertained. Here is a snapshot of my avatar at Carnivale! I am living vicariously through her!

Trying to take my mind of this day with some memes.

Look at my all-time page views!  I love Google Blogger for giving people access to my blog worldwide. Thank you for visiting my blog!!

Pageviews by Countries Entry Pageviews United States 31184 Germany 768 Russia 553 France 487 Ukraine 354 Portugal 318 Unknown Region 273 Poland 222 Netherlands 111 United Arab Emirates 97

This is a relatable meme for me. I always think my neighbors are mad at me because they glare at me or just ignore me, which creates anxiety. I also create impossible scenarios ALL THE TIME. Today I thought I saw Slash driving around La Costa in a tan van. LOL Being stuck in a noisy atmosphere, for an extensive period of time, can trigger my voices. Then there are the times when literally nothing triggers voices and hallucinations. So, yup, this meme pretty much sums it all up!

Going to the supermarket or the drugstore have become my idea of a good time. I heard Rod Stewart at CVS and thought to myself, they are really playing some good tunes here. Wow!

Is this torture or a good time? Be honest!

Mellow song of the day!

Take a deep breath! I have been getting the run around today by Walmart pharmacy and Anthem Blue Cross insurance. But I finally refilled my Vraylar prescription. Here is to staying medicated and not hearing horrible voices tonight! Good night!