Ok I like you

Did you ever really

Like someone but never

Told them?

Beats getting rejected.

 

Sveiki

Sveiki to the person who visited my blog from Lithuania! Was this a random fluke visit? 😂 I love my international visitors, so welcome! Someone recently purchased my book on Amazon too, so thank you to whoever that was.

Dancing

Beautiful surfer

Dancing on the waves

Like a wet, Fred Astaire 

Fireworks

You are bright fireworks 

Illuminating the sky

Leaving me awestruck 

 

Orbit

You are my shooting star. 

I can only hope to catch a glimpse of you. 

I will forever be mystified by gazing at your orbit.

My wish is for you, to continue your orbit around me, for eternity.

Maeve: That's all it will ever be...an orbit, he is just driving past you, so be forewarned. Trey Sanders is my husband. He loves me. Quit writing romantic poems for him! I frequent your blog, and I am not amused by what I am reading, so be forewarned!

Truth

 

 

Heaven and stars

I would have moved heaven and stars for you the day you left me there,

and now I have to find my own path on Earth and everywhere.

Yes

 

 

A poem: Great

The sun is shining 

It’s going to be a great day 

For my

Nemesis and someone else

Sunday Funday

 

If you are reading this, give me a sign!

 

Cling

I remember that flirtatious infatuation 

We had in the past

I cling to it

When times get tough

The Dead Zone

 I am watching the movie based on Stephen King’s book The Dead Zone and wondering...how long would you wait for the one you loved?  5 years max? What a heartbreaking movie about tragedy, brain damage, love loss, and the resulting aftermath. Boy can I relate!

Mercy

Wave a white flag and

Be shown mercy ?

This disease doesn’t

Work like that.

 

Hello!

 

My reality

 Ok so lessons purpose and miracles are my reality 

Dreaming again...

 Going to his Facebook page is a total mind fuck and a fantasy rolled into one. It should have been me hiking with him in the Santa Cruz mountains.

Maeve: I hope it rains on your parade, so be forewarned! You are my enemy, so be forewarned, I hate you so much!

I can’t watch this video without hearing voices for some reason.

Maeve: That’s where the fire was. I hate you so much so be forewarned! You know nothing about Santa Cruz, so be forewarned! You don’t deserve Trey Sanders so be forewarned! Oh honestly use his real name for Christ sakes!

I stole this from Pinterest!

Here is a gorgeous man doing yoga. I don’t need my man to do yoga but I appreciate how physically fit and handsome this man is. He’s dreamy. I stole this from Valentina’s Pinterest page. Apparently she thinks this man is a fine physical specimen too. Not to mention he looks just like Trey Sanders, my dream man!

What’s happening in my backyard

 

Well hello there!

 

 

Love letter

 

Thanks for the prayers!

 

Brave post!

Instead of all the fake airbrushed photos I fall victim to posting I would like to be real. I have these photos from before I had fat from my stomach injected into my face by a plastic surgeon. The first photo was taken 8 years ago today. I was with my daughters in the photos but I have cropped them out to protect their privacy. Looking at the first  picture I was probably over medicated from my antipsychotic Abilify. I also may be exhausted in the picture as I had 3 small children. Yes I made the decision to have children despite my mental illness. I wasn’t going to let anything stand in my way. 

I feel like a skinny Syd Barrett (after he lost his mind)in these pictures. Unfortunately I look pretty out of it, despite being on nothing but my antipsychotic medication. How did I survive young motherhood like that? I would turn up the dosage on my medication every time I would see people or thought I saw people from my past or college. 

I was living in beautiful sunny San Diego but hiding in my house for years! Well I feel better now on a different antipsychotic and I feel pretty (wrinkles and all) for once in my life. This is what I looked like about 8 years ago and before my facial fat transfer. It’s hard to look back but it’s the haunting truth and may be the reason I never landed that cute blonde guy from college. Oh well! The truth hurts.

Cute story about Andrew McCarthy

 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_McCarthy

I saw Andrew McCarthy, the actor, on television today. He was promoting his new book, titled Brat: An 80’s Story. It made me curious about his love life. Was he married or divorced? So he told a funny story once, as listed on his Wikipedia page, about how his first wife was his college sweetheart. They lost touch after college. Years later, he bumped into someone from college who told him he saw her with her new boyfriend and they looked happy. It bothered him for about a week, so he looked her up and asked her out. They eventually married and later divorced. How anticlimactic!

You would think it would have worked out but he has struggled with alcohol abuse and that may have been a factor in the divorce. He is sober now and remarried with children. Well I found his love life to be an interesting and relatable story. 

Alcohol can end marriages, for sure, so maybe I am lucky that I didn’t marry my college sweetheart, right out of college. At that young age, I definitely still had a bit of a drinking problem post-college. Who knows? A marriage straight out of college was just not in the cards for me and lucky for that, as I was immature and may have unintentionally destroyed it.

I would hate to see that fantasy go down in flames. Maybe it is better for my college sweetheart to remain that perfect fantasy.

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

 Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mommas out there! I don’t like putting pictures of my children out publicly but I was surrounded by my loving kiddos all day. I couldn’t be more blessed to have such sweet children who I love with all my heart. When my biological clock started ticking loudly in my 20’s, I knew I wanted to be a mother and I made that dream a reality. I am sure glad I did. This is me (and my flower girls) on Mother’s Day today. 

Maybe he was right...

I just flashbacked to an experience when I was younger. It’s crazy when that happens to me.  In my late teens I met an older guy that I instantly disliked. Although he was good-looking and well-put together, I found myself repelled by his arrogance. He was in a fraternity at my sisters college and they were friends. Seeing that I was young and judging him, he called me Holden Cauffield from The Catcher In The Rye. He told me that I was still in my Holden Cauffield phase. What did he mean by that? He used a classic book reference to put me down and lord over me. Was the reference over my head? I just read the book in high school and didn’t see much of myself in Holden although I found him likeable. So what did he mean by that? I was immature and trying to make sense of the world and everyone in it? Or was it a curse because I wasn’t swooning over this good-looking, well-put together, and well-educated man? As I re-read about the book today I wondered. Holden ends up in a mental institution at the end of the book.  Maybe that was his judgement of me, I was either gay or crazy and maybe he was right. If that is the case so be it and I am fine with it. So the curse didn’t hurt me after all, because I am fine being viewed that way. I guess I am saying I don’t care what he thinks anyway!

When I saw you today

 When I saw you today, it was a lot like this..blondie rapture! lol 

Love this view!

 

Love!

 

I saw you today...

I saw you today 

If you were a woman 

Beautiful

With long, blonde tendrils 

And a radiant smile 

Surrounded by love 

And basking in the sunlight 

I lingered and stared

Until my gelato melted 

Maeve: You would make a terrible lesbian, writing cheesy love poems to all your love interests. Oh wait! You already do that for Trey Sanders. 

Valentina: Stupid bitch! No one wants to read your cheesy love poems to Trey Sanders so be forewarned! 

Trees are amazing!

These trees are amazing and beautiful! My cool cousin posted this on Facebook while hiking.

Facts

facts

are good if

you dream of

getting into

political discussions

on the news

if you would rather

have a conversation

with me

just make up whimsical bs haha

Sounds great!

 https://www.medpagetoday.com/meetingcoverage/apa/92395

If this can help schizophrenic people, what about all the other agitated people in my life??

Stop taking pictures of me!

 

You got it!

 

At this point I wouldn’t speak to the cops about much.

 https://www.yahoo.com/news/cali-influencer-charged-wild-claim-172155893.html

This is more or less a fictional blog dealing with mental illness issues. Note to self: Do not go to the cops to accuse people of outlandish nonsense. Karma will bite back big time!

In the 1990’s we called this The Friend Zone

 https://www.thisiswhyimsingle.com/relationships/signs-youre-stuck-in-the-purgatory-that-is-an-almost-relationship/7/?utm_source=ot&utm_campaign=uar-dm-na-n-0-tiwis-210501-ts-ot-d1&utm_medium=blank&utm_content=blank&utm_term=blank&fbclid=IwAR3VWZkK_8SA-sBtCbaI3y6N9Jxfz6aCLNqZmMvwtROt0V-dS10msc_CryE&ios=1&safari=1

The friend zone is actually a step up from just being a booty call. Both situations are far from ideal for me.