My high school reunion

 My 30 year high school reunion is coming up on Saturday October 21st. I am hesitant to go. I never really fit in at my high school. I basically never went to any parties in high school. I was asked by two different guys to my senior prom but I turned them down. I didn’t want to go with either of them because I really didn’t know them nor was I attracted to them. I was previously talked into going to a prom at a different school with a guy that I was not attracted to and it was such a drag. Towards the end of the night, he started hitting on me and I wasn’t having it. Then he started pouting and I eventually asked him to take me home. I knew the drill by the time it came to my own senior prom. I was not going to go with a guy who I wasn’t attracted to. One of the guys who asked me to the prom has already RSVPd to my high school reunion. He responded that he and his wife will be there. He is happily married I am sure and good for him. He was a nice guy. He deserves happiness. My joke is: if all of the chubby guys who I rejected in high school and college,, could see me and who I ended up with now, they would definitely have the last laugh. Chubby guys who I was not attracted too, have always been attracted to me and they will shoot their shot. I guess I look approachable and I am usually single so it is assumed that I would be open to them. Little do they know that I am very picky and Iprefer skinny blonde guys. I am born and bred in California and have always lived very close to the beach. I prefer blondes, to be honest. I am single because I am picky and so be it. I would rather be single than be forced into obligatory sex with someone that I am not attracted to. 

So I am ambivalent about whether to go to my high school reunion. I feel like I would have to have an awkward conversation with the guy who I turned down for the prom because I don’t think he ended up going either. I would probably end up apologizing or something. I don’t have anything to brag about, in terms of career or relationship, so it’s a little embarrassing. Isn’t that what goes on at a high school reunion? I only kept in touch with a handful of people from high school, through Facebook. I do not want to speak to most of the people who have RSVPd, including the woman who organized the reunion. I am divorced technically. I am living with schizoaffective disorder. I am just doing the best I can, with the cards I was dealt. I would never take Stephen with me to my high school reunion because A. He is a hermit and would rather stay home. B. He has a bad attitude and I do not enjoy his company  C. I continue to be frustrated with his obesity. When I met Stephen, he was thin. He was fresh out of Jenny Craig. He would jog regularly . He made an effort to keep his weight down. I was the chubby one due  to beginning my antipsychotic use. Something about my weight made him feel comfortable. He basically let himself go, as soon as we got engaged and he locked me in. It’s crazy. After we married, I began having children and gaining more weight. He was thrilled and he ate whatever he wanted. This was beyond sympathy weight. He threw in the towel and I realized that he hated exercising. He never snapped into trying to stay fit to remain attractive to me. He could care less.  I still resent him for that. A woman I know was told by her relatives, “Now if you were thin when you were single, you would have attracted a thin husband!” I always think about that in reflection. As of late, Stephen has lost weight. After being diagnosed with Diabetes, his fear of death triggered a complete lifestyle change. He is very careful what he eats. He takes his medication. He checks his blood sugar. I am aware, that he would never have lost weight, if it weren’t for his diabetes diagnosis. He definitely would never have done it for my sake or to keep the passion alive. FYI there never was passion to begin with. I think certain people want to see me at the high school reunion just to gloat about their life ,that they are going to portray as being perfect. They would eat up all the honest details of my imperfect reality.  For the girl who thought she was too good for chubby guys, look at me now! Karma’s a bitch!