Stringing me along…

 If you say not getting into a serious relationship in college or not keeping in touch with me was your way of not hurting me, confusing me, or stringing me along, your plan backfired majorly. You had a hard time forgetting about me and moving on, even though you were ambivalent about whether you deemed me the right fit for you, knowing all of my issues, after trying to peek in on my life, to study the big picture. The only one of us who had any idea that you still had feelings for me and wanted for me to wait for you was you. Why should I have waited? Because you traveled down to Carlsbad to spy on me? I shouldn’t be flattered and I shouldn’t view it as a great romantic gesture or anything to get excited about. 

I don’t even know you really. In college, you wanted me to be attracted to you and you didn’t want to seem immature and dorky, so you didn’t share much about yourself. You said very little to me, in general.  It seemed like you were hiding details about yourself, to the point of being deceitful. You didn’t want to talk with me, in order to get to know you. You would rather talk to people I know or knew to get secondhand gossip from them. The people you were interviewing barely knew me and could not speak for me. Snooping and mind games are prominent flaws you have that I can see from a mile away. I don’t see the point in you constantly driving past me, with different women in your car. 

You stayed with your wife for sooo long, almost 10 years after she and her family started hexing me. You obviously didn’t believe me and they weren’t hexing you, so you didn’t understand or care. Why weren’t you trying to see if what I was telling people had any truth to it? You don’t care if your wife is a witch? You were down here spying on me but when you saw my fat body and the big picture of my busy life, with three children, you changed your mind every time. “No! I have a great life in Santa Cruz! My wife is thin! We are child free, so she can sexually be at my beck and call!”

You don’t think she got immediately suspicious about all of your random trips down the coast to Carlsbad? You were making trips here from the start of your relationship. She figured out very quickly that you weren’t excited to travel down here to merely see her devils-in-disguise, meddling cousins. It’s weird that they have been so fake to you and so awful to me. You have been oblivious, to how badly they have been messing with me. You are still laughing at me and trying to make me jealous too. I know that all your online photo shoots and the dragging out of your unhappy marriage were a long, drawn out way to get revenge on me for getting married. Is that how you felt? You were jealous, to the point of being angry with me? That’s crazy! How the heck should I have known to wait anyway? 

If I had known and did wait for you, you would have made me wait until 2010 to get pregnant, which would definitely be stringing me along and having to hear me complain or be done with you, for good. I am guessing that you feared a commitment to me and having children would have been stressful and hurt your chances of getting through medical school and getting your career off the ground. You can’t help yourself, though. You are finding any way possible to get under my skin, make me jealous, mess with my mind, and of course string me along. You are still jokingly driving past me, with no seriousness or follow through. You are still married to Maeve. I bet no papers have been signed or even filed. You love running around, ever the actor, with every random woman you can find. Have so much fun with your new girlfriend! I am half heartedly waiting for you to walk into my life. The other half is quite content not having to share my bed with anyone, catering to one more person, and navigating through hard times. Snagging Mr. Wonderful and enjoying the honeymoon phase, with my fabulous cute doctor mate would me great. I know nothing about falling head over heels in love, but I hear it’s a disappointing reality check when you get deeper into the relationship and you see their flaws and maybe second guess your decision to be with this person. It would be very stressful for my children too. Getting a divorce from their other parent and then moving on with someone, who may only be in their life briefly is a heartbreaking thought. Maybe we should reevaluate things and definitely not rush into anything. But do you have to drive past me, while you are on dates or acting like you are? Sheesh! You couldn’t not string me along, if you tried! Here’s to a lifetime more of stringing me along!