I consider myself to be a high-functioning individual, living with mental illness. My medication works very well for me. I have three children who are on the Autism spectrum, who I care for. I have a partner, a social life, and I volunteer frequently at my children's school. I have a moderate level of stress in my life, that does not trigger voices.

When I try to be too adventurous and go to loud, crowded places, I can relapse into voice-hearing. Sometimes, I welcome the voices because, I believe there is a story there, which gives me something to write/blog about. On other occasions, such as family holidays, the voice-hearing can add to an already stressful day. It zaps the joy out of the holiday completely.

Last night I went to a loud and bustling restaurant, with a friend, and experienced a mental health success. I did not hear any voices. What I appreciate, from my friend, is that she asked me a few times, during the night, how I was doing and if I was hearing any voices. I really appreciated her checking in on me. When I feel that I can lean on someone and open up about my mental illness, it is very comforting. That is what I would recommend to any partner or friend of someone battling mental illness, do not ignore or forget, the obvious needs of your partner or friend. It can make a world of difference in the mood and success of the experience.

Someone discussed the shamanic view of psychosis today, on a therapy site, that I frequent. This article raised my curiosity about Shamanism. I know nothing about Shamanism. When I went off my medications, I went searching for a Shaman to help me battle the individuals who I believed were practicing Santeria/hexing me. I called my only Native American family friend, who said that he would call me back. So, he NEVER called me back. I probably scared or offended him. I did not find it easy to find a shaman who would speak to me.  Shamanism sounds fascinating but, for my sanity, I need to accept their point of view and put it aside. "Psychosis is not the path to enlightenment or some spiritual perk."  I do feel sensitive and intuitive but I know I need to take my medications and focus on my reality!

This is an interesting article though! :)
https://upliftconnect.com/shamanic-view-of-mental-health/

Looking back on that misguided period in my life, and in light of today's synagogue attack, I think trying to use one religion to battle another religion, is a terrible idea. People need to let each individual, religious or non-religious, live their life and worship freely, if they so choose. I am saddened by today's events. Please let's stop the violence!

"Sometimes the world is dark and I just can't see
With these, demons surround all around to bring me down to negativity
But I believe, yes I believe, I said I believe."- Matisyahu

God bless everyone on this very dark day!

I am having a good day, but bitterness exists in the world! LOL They were discussing this on GMA Day today!


https://betches.com/the-most-annoying-things-youre-doing-in-your-couples-pictures/

Today I went on a spider-hunting mission in my backyard and noticed all this beautiful fruit! Anyone want a pomegranate? Our grapes are ripening too!

Chris Isaak - Wicked Game (Live)

Blissed out couples are living their best life at my nail salon!

I cannot even get away from men and their weird vibes, at the nail salon anymore. More and more clingy men are escorting their women to the nail salon and touching them the entire time! I have never been a clingy, PDA type, in fact, it really irks me to see other people do this. I watched this couple at the nail salon today. They were weird, to me, but I see this more and more at the nail salon I frequent.

I admit, I people-watch, everywhere I go. I wasn't staring at this man or anything. I wasn't even attracted to him, but I noticed that every time, I looked over at him, he was touching his girlfriend. He tried to make contact with her the entire time she was getting her nails done. He seemed NEEDY! He also enjoys acting like the perfect, attentive boyfriend. He doesn't have eyes for anyone but her. Oh boy! I know it is all an act anyway!

So, KUDOS to all the show offs and fake "perfect" couples out there at the nail salon and beyond! You know who you are!

Here is a picture and me and my parents enjoying the sunshine today. My mother had a brain aneurysm in 2013. My father became her caretaker. I hope that if I end up in similar circumstances, my partner will love and care for me, as well as, my father has for my mother. She is lucky and blessed to have a partner like him. They will be married for 50 years next summer!

On my favorite social/therapy site, someone asked the question, “Do you ever have pleasant hallucinations?” From this discussion,  I learned a new term, (HPPD) Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder. For people who have experimented heavily with psychedelics, one might struggle with persistent flashbacks. I heard there is a television series called, True Detective, where Matthew McConaughey, plays a character with this disorder. I am curious to watch this show now.

I just started researching this, so I cannot say if this is the case, but the hallucinations involved with HPPD sound easier and lighter than mine. I wish my hallucinations were beautiful and positive. As for my visual hallucinations, I occasionally see people who are not really there, smiling at me.  However, my auditory hallucinations are, basically brutal. That is why I am taking a powerful antipsychotic. If my hallucinations were sunshine and roses, I would be off my meds and chasing butterflies somewhere. (I never wanted a never-ending trip, but that is what inevitably happened. I blame marijuana and psychedelic drugs for that.)

***I am blessed that my reality is much more pleasant than my psychosis, because it keeps me on my antipsychotic, and on the straight and narrow!

Click on the links below to read more about these topics! I will be!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hallucinogen_persisting_perception_disorder

http://hppdonline.com/topic/3481-true-detective/

The feeling when you realize you are the grey cat... (Oh get a room! Puh-leaze!)

Bad Reputation - Trailer

I had cancer scare #2 today. I went to my dermatologist for my 6 month check up and she found a spot on my arm that looked suspicious. She said at the very worst, it could be "a little basal cell pre-cancer." Yikes! It was not until I came home and took this photo that I realized she biopsied the spot where I got my flu shot last Wednesday. That is probably all it was, a reaction to the flu shot. LOL

Facebook drives me nuts sometimes. I found this under Google Images with the hashtags #selfish #housewives? I was directing this to a man on Facebook because, believe me, their Facebook posts can be full of it too! LOL

"Obla di! Obla da! Life goes on! Brah! La La La La Life goes on!"

I moved on, then I moved back mentally, for a while there. Here's to living in the present!

On Sunday, I saw two dragon heads in the clouds over Ponto Beach. I was driving at the time and did not get a photo. I am guessing the symbolism to that is that I am the true "Khaleesi, mother of all dragons." Either that. or the skies are mourning the ending of Game of Thrones. I, however, am not in mourning because I am too cool to watch that show anyway. ;)

Considering I have so many children, I might be more Puff the Magic Dragon, than Khaleesi, Mother of all Dragons. LOL

Half-joking.

MEME OF THE DAY

This can be me, even in the presence of other people. I needed to be talked out of my negative spiral thought pattern this weekend when I thought I had a blood clot. I am a bit of a hypochondriac and now have to deal with a hefty Emergency Room bill. UGH!

I am totally going to see this when it comes out! At this moment, Bohemian Rhapsody is only playing in Europe. European readers, do not tell me how it ends. LOL Sad face :(

So funny story...or you may not see the humor in it. On Friday night, I had sharp pain in my right arm. It wouldn't go away. I was taking pain relievers, for a root canal that I had, earlier in the week. Nothing would stop my arm pain. I grew paranoid that something was seriously, medically wrong with me. I turned to Dr. Google who got me thinking that I possibly had a blood clot in my arm. I couldn't sleep that night. I imagined chest stiffness on my right hand side. Inexplicably, my paranoia escalated and I drove myself to the Emergency Room at 1:30 in the morning. Due to my antipsychotic, I am overweight with blood pressure and cholesterol issues. The ER admitted me for possible heart attack. After a long night, I was discharged with a clean bill of health.

I occasionally feel intuitive, but I also feel like my gift is unhoaned. I have never helped any one, due to the lack of clarity, in my clairvoyance. I have never successfully helped myself or anyone else from a premonition. Meanwhile my father is 82 years old and a caretaker to my mother, who had a brain aneurysm in 2013. He is so busy taking care of my mother, that he often fails to care for himself. 

He is on the other end of the spectrum from myself, who has paranoia about my medical health. He is oblivious and not concerned with his own caretaking. Last weekend, my father was wearing shorts. I noticed that one of his legs was tone and taut. The other leg was flaccid, with vericose veins. I commented on it, but did not press him on it. Today after his orthopedic surgeon noticed swelling in his right leg, he took an XRAY. He had blood clots in his right leg and was sent to the emergency room. He has just now been released from the hospital. 

I found it interesting that after all my blood clot anxiety and paranoia about myself, someone close to me, my father, really did have blood clots. Thankfully, my father is ok! :)

Update: My father has been diagnosed with Deep Vein Thrombosis which will be monitored.

Circa 1986-1987 Part Three

Cool bug of the day! Found in Carlsbad, Ca. My friend commented that it looked like a jewel on the lower half of it's body.

"I used to go out to parties and stand around, 'cause I was too nervous to really get down." Take me back in time!

I would take weight gain, sexual side effects, poverty of thought etc. over psychosis any day! Great article below!

https://bringchange2mind.org/2018/09/26/side-effects-better-psychosis/