I forget the good times from my past and focus on all my bad days, negative experiences, and the people who hurt me. I get in these moods where I feel like I never win and can’t win, when in reality I have won plenty too. I am just depressed.
I am ruminating right now about how I couldn’t wait for a guy my age to grow up so we could get married. I ended up marrying an older guy who had his life together already. He was ripe for the picking. He also reminded me of this one guy from college, who also majored in Chemistry. I wanted to marry a smart scientist but did I marry the right one? If I ever marry again, will I make the same mistake? Marry an imposter or the real deal? Like my sister just said, everything happens for a reason.
I feel terrible for always painting a “poor me” picture of my life, which is not necessarily accurate. I am surrounded by loved ones, I have a roof over my head, and I feel pretty good! That is truly enough for me!
Me: Why does he drive past me every day? Why does he make a romantic gesture every day? What is the point? We will probably not ever end up together.
Leigh: Why does he tell me that he loves me every single day?? (She asks jealously with sarcasm?) Hmmpf!! I am eavesdropping so I know your every move when it comes to Keith Spellman!
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