Happy Halloween!!

 

Bitter

Deep down I am bitter

About everything 

My job is to cover it up

With silence 

I didn’t write this poem but I give props to whoever did. Living with mental illness is not easy and changes the course of your life for the worse. I have been skating since I got married. I have the support of my family but more often than not, we (the mentally ill) are living hand to mouth or on the streets. Scary thought.

Exactly

 

Truth bomb from The Captain

 

I still want to go sailing.

 

Every day is Earth Day

 Go hug a tree!

Bettie Page

I never knew that Bettie Page suffered from schizophrenia.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6484031/amp/The-lost-years-legendary-Playboy-Playmate-Bettie-Page-revealed-unseen-photos-letters.html

Voice diatribe

 Leigh: I didn’t know what a circus your life was until I started hexing you and until I came down to Carlsbad to stealth spy on you firsthand. Or is that what Keith Spellman is doing? Be forewarned. You’re my enemy. I knew it all along, so be forewarned. I’m not done hexing you, nor will I ever be.

Leigh (continues):  Keith is happily married. You are waiting around for no one because nothing is going to happen between the two of you. Keith Spellman is MY husband, so be forewarned. Keep your eyes, heart, mind, and hands off him! Or else there will be hell to pay!

I am just having my 2020 midlife crisis here. It is happening again. Like in the year 2014, I feel like if I don’t jump ship now on my marriage, I will never sail off into the sunset with my soul mate. But where is my captain? He is nowhere to be seen.

Leigh: What? Sailing metaphors? Me and Keith sail all the time but your vessel is about to sink! You have a lot of nerve, so be forewarned!

Esteban: Stupid bitch! You are the queen of cheese. Corny!

Boredom strikes on a Friday night

 

Tom Petty

 I wonder if you can learn to rock like Tom Petty from watching YouTube videos?

Negative thoughts

 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33090516/

My life would have turned out so differently if I could  think happy thoughts. I don’t know why optimism has always been so difficult and unnatural for me.

Steps

 Life is two steps forward

And one step back

If it wasn’t,

You’d reach the end too soon.

Someone else wrote this poem. Personally I feel like I am going around in circles and getting nowhere.lol

Discussion tonight

I was viewing a mental health discussion tonight, on social media, where people were repeating the best pearl of wisdom your therapist ever gave them. Truth be told,  my psychiatrist never leaves me with anything that I recall holding onto. I vent and she comforts me. She gives me advice to get me through the moment. Don’t get me wrong, she is very smart, but she is not a life guru, who leaves me with constant pearls of wisdom.

Corny as it may sound, I have gotten better advice in confession and in church. My priest told me many years ago that there is nothing that I don’t already have that I need in my life. Those are words to live by.

Also, he spoke once  of how love is very picky. We do not love everyone. Love is not fair, but that is just the way it is. You are not attracted to everyone you meet, nor do you love or fall in love with everyone. For a celibate priest, he gave a very insightful homily about love that day. It was very interesting to me.

Metronome (A haiku)

 My heart keeps beating

A painful drum in my chest

My broken rhythm

When DLR starts talking lol

 

Real

 I’m being pulled into

Dealing with real life

When all I want to do

Is daydream about it

Song of the day

 My cousin played this at her wedding a million years ago. Tearjerker! It reminds me of the one that got away.

No one understands...

No one understands misunderstandings, the way we schizophrenics do

The innocence of delusion confusion 

Met with agitation by others

You never know how you will be met

When you open up about your hex

She vexed any talk of my hex

Or is it just my stupid mental illness 

Thanks for your support 

I could have gotten better support from a Self Help book

They say the truth shall set you free 

Maybe a day will come, when just one person believes me

I won’t speak of this in a social setting again 

I can’t even vent to my therapist 

I might really be on to something 

But until someone meets me with an open mind

I will remain suffering in this boiling witches cauldron 

Looking to escape this hell and move on

Someone on the television said today that witchcraft and mental illness suffer the same negative stigma

Do you agree 

Van Halen - "Why Can't This Be Love" (1986 Live)

Van Halen - "Why Can't This Be Love" (1986 Live)

Why did this story appear in my Facebook newsfeed?

This video is the cure for the 7-Year-Itch. The story reels you in, although you feel uncomfortable and guilty, while watching it. Then...wait for the moral at the end of the story.

Mental

 It’s world mental health day.

Can’t you just

Feel the difference

That’s made in your life?

(lol)

lol

 

Uptick in voices lately

Leigh Stupid bitch! I hate her so much, so be forewarned. What are you thinking of doing about Keith Spellman? Keith is my husband, so be forewarned, he is not ever leaving me for you. He is just messing with you! I hate her so much!

My voices are really acting up again. There was a period of time in 2014, when I would hallucinate Keith and it would trigger my voices. I do think that he haunts me, because I married too soon and didn’t wait for him. But why would I, when he didn’t keep in touch after college?  So lately I’ve been thinking that I am seeing him again and the voices are intensifying. If he is happily married in Santa Cruz, then why is he always here in Carlsbad? Is trouble brewing? Are they separating? If I were Leigh,  I would be threatened too. I would never let him out of my sight, especially to visit an old college crush! If this were more than merely a fantasy nightmare, I would hate me too!

Federica: You are brave for saying all that publicly but very stupid for messing with us! Leave Keith Spellman alone! He is Leigh’s husband and if you do anything with him, we will hex you for the rest of your life, so be forewarned!

As I lay down to bed, I hear one more voice.

Esteban: Stupid bitch! They are happily married so be forewarned!

So I keep thinking...

 I keep thinking that David Gilmour from Punk Floyd is driving past me. It’s either David Gilmour or a random 70 something bald guy with blue eyes. Today we had a moment though. I looked right into his eyes and thought about how much I always loved Pink Floyd and the very cute David Gilmour!

It could have been David Gilmour or the guy in this meme lol

My sneaky son

 Someone left their phone lying around with their Amazon prime account open and my son bought this toy. ??? lol

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=XCQoMx3SXgA#dialog

Ah yes! I knew that already!

https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2020-10/uoc--fsd092820.php 

I am too smart to be lonely! Men suck!

Leigh: Stupid bitch! Stay away from my man, Keith Spellman and his friends. I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you...and I can’t throw you because you’re  too fat!

Federica: I am helping Leigh hex you, stupid bitch. I am a real witch, so be forewarned!

Esteban: I am Esteban and I hate you so be forewarned! Why are you looking at our Instagram pages?