Apparently I cannot tell
A smile from a veil
If you had been living a lie
And crying on the inside
No one would ever know
Beautiful, beaming smiles
Laughter and love
On the beach
How would I ever know
That it was all an act?
A putting your best face forward
To the world
I would always dream
That it was me in your photos anyway
Still holding onto dear, sweet memories
Of “our time”
And wishing for more of that
I love to gaze at you
I will continue to cherish
Your passing glance
Even if all I ever get back from you
Is a dirty look
I wish that all the crap from my
College experience was still
Relevant and important to me.He was a year older than her…and so begins a beautiful love story. What a wonderful, supportive husband he was!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=w5it-MY0kSo
Maeve: Yes, she met him in college and he became a wonderful, supportive husband to her. Then this random woman, from his past, came out of the woodwork, to interfere with our marriage. And it worked. That is the reason we are hexing you…for your scheming ways, so be forewarned.
Me: I wish that I was “a little deaf “ to your voice right now!
A bird sings a lonely song
In the dead of the night
Calling for her lost mateWhen normal people talk about
Exorcising their demons
It usually doesn’t involve
Strange rituals
Fun fact: Beautiful/sexy women, such as Loni Anderson, Tawny Kitaen (RIP), and Maureen McCormick/aka Marcia Brady all share an August 5th birthday. I wonder how they will celebrate? All of these Leos also have a rumored history of addiction, whether it be shopping, sex, alcohol, and illicit drugs. So, stay safe, and have a sweet birthday, you sexy beast!
Maeve: Yes! I’ll say it! He is a total sexpot! Well-endowed and all! Stupid bitch! Writing a pre-birthday greeting to my husband is not the way to get out of a hex, so be forewarned!
She fell in love with a radiologist, who could read her perfectly!
Ok so I don’t know the first thing about either of these professions. I don’t really know what to say about them. Since this is all in my mind, yes the radiologist who I haven’t seen or spoken to since college, understands me perfectly. He reads my mind, as a matter of fact, because we are soulmates! Sorry, back to reality!
To the guy named Scott at my college (UC Santa Barbara) who plastered his bedroom walls with pictures of dark, curly haired women in lingerie, please read this. Women with dark, ethnic, hair shouldn’t be degraded to mere sex objects! Sheesh!
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_magic
I like the very beginning of this Wiki page where it describes Black Magic as the use of supernatural powers for selfish or evil purposes. I concur. Nowhere does it say that Black Magic isn’t real. Evil people really do practice it and attempt to hurt others with it. Whether or not the practitioners achieve their goals remains unproven. I still can’t prove that I have been hexed.
A voice told me today that the problem began with me believing in black magic and somehow opening the door for it into my life. It’s all my fault! I should have listened to family members who told me not to believe in Black Magic but to believe in God because we are Catholic and he is all-powerful. Possibly my doubts in my faith allowed this to happen?
We are not allowed to discuss religion on my schizophrenia therapy site because it triggers many on the site and messes with our heads too much. Being raised in a heavily Catholic family triggered these weird religious delusions in my mental illness. It sucks!
https://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/a30793415/what-is-palo-santo/
I am worried that I shouldn’t try this and that it will backfire on me. I guess it’s back to regular old sage for me.
I’m not entertaining enough
To have a partner.When your housemate accidentally drops the remote control into his cup of Kool-Aid and ruins it. How are we supposed to change the channel now? Manually?
You know who you are! This link was posted, on a therapy site, in the lounge section. I admit that I have taken part in this behavior, and suffered, due to competition, with other women, for available men. These women may not have even been interested in the particular guy that I was interested in, they just didn’t want me to be happy and partner up!?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_intrasexual_competition
https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/decoding-the-voices-of-schizophrenia/
The article above states that the voices in your head are merely your own thoughts. (Unless you are being hexed just kidding)
I went to the Amazon Kindle website, to check if anyone new had bought my book, or left a positive review. I left the website disappointed tonight, as there was no change. Aside from the one mental health worker who gave me a positive review, a few years back, I didn't see anything new. A voice then crept in to harass me, it was Valentina.
Valentina: No one is interested in buying your crappy book. Your one review was merely a courtesy, pat-on-the-back from a mental health worker, who felt sorry for you. Get over yourself! Are you still reminiscing about Trey Sanders? He is staying with his lovely wife in Santa Cruz. Don't you get it? His relationship, with his wife, is not the product of a Love Spell. He loves his wife and she loves him! You see their pictures splashed all over social media. What part of "Til Death Do Us Part," do you not understand?
Maeve: How dare you paint us as witches, in your writing? You have a lot of nerve. Your relationship, or whatever that was, ended in college. Why can't you just let it go? Trey is now happily married and I am completely enraptured with my husband! The sun rises and sets with my man! Therefore, I will never let him go! You can't have him. If you continue to cyberstalk us, and hold onto hope of a relationship, that will never be, you will continue to hear our voices in your head! In other words, we will continue to hex you, so be forewarned. This is what is going to continue to happen, we will hex you and harass you, day in and day out, for the rest of your life. You will never have silence. You will never have a private moment to reminisce about old times with Trey, or to plot peeling him away from me. That will never happen, by the way!
Matteo: OK Karen, I mean Chiara. This tight-knit, loving, Venezuelan, family does not practice Santeria! You have been casting my family, in a negative light, through your writings. We don't practice black magic. We are minding our business and leading very busy lives, far away from you! Valentina and I even moved back to Venezuela and you still fear us! You have to figure out how to stop the voices in your head, on your own. You are hearing voices in your head, because of your mental illness and your ill-fated attempt to steal another woman's husband! If you backed off hunting a married man, and focused on your own life, we probably wouldn't be speaking to you, in your head right now! Who knows? Your stress level and guilt level might also magically dissipate, if you just listened to us.
So, that was what the voices had to say to me tonight. I think they are finished for the night, but I never know, for sure. Very often, as I creep away from the keyboard and get comfortable somewhere else, the voices, oftentimes start up again, harassing me and sneaking in all the comments that they wanted to secretly torture me with. So many hurtful jabs take place, when I am away from my computer and am unable to document it. Many nights, I drift off to sleep, hearing voices, and forget what was said, the following morning. The voices hate it when I blast out their evil comments to the world. They prefer that I keep my story to myself and they get very aggravated by my story-telling. I think they are mortified of my accusations and even more afraid that they could be held accountable for their actions. I wish that they could be held accountable, but in the meantime, I would just love the voices in my head, to somehow, be silenced for good.
*I probably will not publish another episode on Vella if no one is interested in reading it or creeped out by it. LOL
Though I walk through the dark valley of schizophrenia
I shall fear no deviation from reality
I pray that you render the voices silent
And cast out all the stigmata that torture me
Amen
I always wanted to
Sit on a couch all day
