So, I know I look like a deer in the headlights here. The voices have been wishing cancer on me for years. Well a few months ago, their wish came true. I noticed a bit of cancer on my nose.  It turns out, I had basal cell carcinoma. I feel like the cancer came out of nowhere. Growing up in California, I wasn't a beach baby or anything. But due to a lack of awareness about sunscreen, when I did go to the beach, I got a few nasty sunburns. After scheduling my Moh's Surgery, I tried to sort out my feelings about the cancer. I joked about feeling "very California" and "actually Irish." But waiting weeks for my surgery got to me. I had cancer but had to wait for an appointment to get rid of it. So finally today I had my Moh's Surgery from the best Moh's doctor in Del Mar. (Dr. Jeffrey Eaton) I highly recommend. He is kind of a flirt though. ;) Having cancer on your nose is humbling. I might have to have reconstructive surgery.  I do not know what to expect when I take the bandage off. On the bright side, considering today was very scary and stressful, I barely heard any voices. My Vraylar was working and I did not even take any Xanax. So I consider today a win. I am now cancer-free and hope to stay that way. 

I am reposting a video here that I actually pulled a lot of wisdom out of. LOL I just found this fascinating. (Maybe my fixation with musicians has something to do with it.) I especially like what he has to say about guilt and how it affects him. I can relate to it. I did not know that Jonathon Davis from Korn suffered from schizophrenia. Like him, I also want to stay mentally healthy for my children.  I have three children that I need  to and want to be mentally available for.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inWBj52ZRu4DQ

Definately going to watch this! I do not want to get my hopes up too high. I will probably be offended.  I don't think it will be a flattering portrayal of mental illness. (no movies ever are) Spanx? Thanks. Pffft! Love Jennifer Garner though!


http://www.refinery29.com/2017/11/183065/jennifer-garner-mental-illness-tribes-of-palos-verdes-movie?utm_source=twitter

It is frightening to admit that I suffered from anosognosia so badly at one point that I fully believed my delusion. I didn't realize that I was sick. I kept flushing my medications down the toilet, upon the command of my voices. I could not see how badly I needed to take my medications. I had no insight into my illness. I am blessed to be in a much better place today.  I am well-medicated. I am lucid. I am high-functioning. I still wrestle with this side-effect of my schizoaffective disorder, occassionally. I will probably always wrestle with believing my delusion on stressful days of voice-hearing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj6ozlzA45o

11/23/2017 (Driving home from Thanksgiving)

Leigh: We hate you so we are hexing you. Be forewarned.

Esteban: We are not done hexing you yet! Be forewarned.

Federica: How sad! It has been five years, since we started hexing you, and we are not done with you yet! Be forewarned!

The voices sang over the music, on the radio, the entire way home from Thanksgiving. The drive was an hour and a half long.

Buckeye Police create registry program for individuals with autism, other disabilities.

OMG I would never wear a wristband saying I am schizophrenic. How embarassing! Oddly enough, when I was not taking my meds in 2014, I drove to Arizona, until I ran out of gas. I did not have my purse, or any money with me. I ran out of gas in Gila Bend and called the cops numerous times making no sense at all. I kept telling them that my house was being hexed. I was bummed that they did not drive over to help me. Looking back, I am glad they didn't drive out. Things could have been much worse if the cops were involved. The dispatcher surmised that my car died and advised me to call AAA.  AAA then towed me to Buckeye. Buckeye was like a modern day ghost town. The people I met in Buckeye were good to me, lending me money, and letting me use their phone to get help. Fortunately I have family in Scottsdale who came to help me. This article just flashed me back to when I was lost in Buckeye. I do think Buckeye needs to figure out a better solution than forcing Autistic and mentally ill people to wear wristbands so they do not get attacked by local police officers.

http://www.abc15.com/news/local-news/investigations/buckeye-police-create-registry-program-for-individuals-with-autism-other-disabilities

People post this stuff just to irritate me! Not all Christians/Catholics are racist. We try to be good people. Why would you want to make someone less religious? This is bogus research anyway!

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/archaeology/news/brain-magnets-decrease-faith-in-god-religion-immigrants-a6695291.html