I dreamt about this song last night! I think Michael Hutchence serenaded me. It just hit me! I was in rapture. When I was in grammar school, I made a Christmas wish list. One of the gifts I wanted, was the Motley Crue "Girls, Girls, Girls" CD. I have always loved hard rock. If you have seen the CD cover, there is no way my Mother would ever buy that for me. Instead she bought me the INXS Kick CD. At the time, I was disappointed. I was not ready for that type of music. I was too young and hadn't developed the taste for a great love song. When I heard this song in my head last night, I almost cried. It is just beautiful! Michael Hutchence was so passionate! He was a beautiful artist, who loved hard. He could write about love and loss, because he experienced so much of it, throughout his life. This is an amazing song, which I totally appreciate now!
Friday, July 27, 2018
What? The blood moon is not visible in the United States? I have been waiting all day for this! Bummer.
A circularmovement of theopposedtips of thethumbandtheindexfingerappearing as a form of tremor in paralysisagitans.
I noticed that I was pill-rolling my fingers today. I have not done this for a long time. I started doing this, as a young child, with my baby blanket. As a child, I would pill roll with my satin baby blanket, when I was trying to go to sleep. I'm 43 and still doing it, however I have gone through long periods of not doing it.
When I was in high school, the school psychologist saw me pill-rolling at my desk and she told me that I would become schizophrenic. She did not even pull me aside, to tell me this. She blurted it out in front of my whole Sophomore year psychology class. I still resent her for that. She was right, but now I am worried about bigger things.
Is this more a by-product of SZA? Do I do it as a soother for stress, or is something wrong with my brain? When I look it up, all I find are articles on Parkinson's and brain calcification. I do have schizoaffective disorder. I wonder about this sometimes, but I am trying not to worry over it.
I post a lot of music videos on my blog. I love music! I was watching a documentary today about Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys and learned that he has schizoaffective disorder. I never knew that! As I have said before, as a teenager, I experimented with drugs, such as LSD.
My psychiatrist does not want me to blame myself, for my mental illness. She has reason to believe that, in my family, there is also a genetic predisposition to mental illness. Many of my family members are ashamed of this idea, and in denial of this. (They blame my drug use) However, this is something I discuss with my psychiatrist regularly.
Like Brian Wilson, I want to discourage people from taking drugs, like acid. Acid is very dangerous and can damage your brain and trigger mental illness, after experimenting with it, the first time.
I have been visiting other blogs and reading articles about Brian Wilson today. I was surprised to read some of the reader's comments about Brian's mental illness. One person asked if schizoaffective disorder was still prevalent? Perhaps they thought that since the 1960's had passed, acid had become passe. I experimented with acid in the 1990's, so that is a false conclusion to make. Brian Wilson is not the only living person with schizoaffective disorder. Unfortunately, people are still being diagnosed with this illness. It is both drug-induced and naturally-occurring.
On a happier note (than my last post), I went to Gelson's, my favorite grocery store, and heard the best song. Everyone is so friendly at my grocery store. They all know me and say hi to me. In addition, I feel like they play nice songs for me too. I haven't asked them to confirm this, but I suspect it to be true. Anyhow, the music makes for a very pleasant shopping experience. Here is the song I heard last time I was at Gelson's, which made my day.
I know, I know! I am on fire! (in a good way) Am I such a mom/housewife or what? I am just here blogging about my exciting trip to the grocery store. LOL
Tuesday, July 24, 2018
I just found this new website that has many informative articles about schizophrenia. I am actually diagnosed schizoaffective and there are articles on this site that explain the difference between schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder. I tell people that I have schizophrenia because people seem to have no idea what schizoaffective disorder is. I am even foggy on what the difference is. You can read more about it at the link below.
I confided in a friend that I had schizophrenia and she replied, "You have a split personality or multiple personalities?" No! A split personality is called dissociative disorder. You can read more about that at the link below.
