Song of the day! Sing it Stevie!!

Holy smokes! For anyone who missed it, Snoop Dogg was on The Real today. LOL

memorialize

When you memorialize something, you honor it or do something so it will be remembered. If you want to remember a summer trip taken with friends, you could make a photo album full of the pictures you took to memorialize it.

The word memorialize often is used in relation to someone or something that has passed away or even to a group of connected individuals who have perished. You might see a monument, for example, that memorializes victims of an earthquake, meaning pays tribute to them. You can also memorialize someone in a speech, meaning you tell about the person's life and describe how he or she has affected others.

***My psychiatrist told me today that I am memorializing the individual this blog is about. I add positive attributes to this individual, in my mind, that may not be based in reality. He is not necessarily the perfect man for me. He has shown that time and time again, through his Facebook posts. Yes, he is a doctor. Yes, he surfs. Yes, he may look like the type of guy I am most attracted to, but he is not all that I make him to be, and he is not "perfect for me." 

He was too immature in college for a relationship. He never even pursued a real friendship with me. He never wanted to get married right after college and start having children. He never wanted to marry me, at least. That does not align with what I wanted or my core values. 

He traveled, he partied, and studied, while I was busy getting married and having children. While in medical school, he dated much younger, college girls. He got serious late in life and eventually became a doctor. He was subsequently snagged by one of those much younger, sorority girls. 

He is 44 years old and may never have children. I think he is a 44 year old child himself, so maybe that is the best thing for him, to not have children. I guess, I needed to be talked to rationally, by my psychiatrist, today to stop romanticizing and memorializing a man who is not perfect for me or better than any other man I have met. He is just some guy from college.

Scared of you!! I have no idea why this man was granted parole. He is a danger to society! Does anyone fear for his ex-girlfriend's life, besides me?


http://www.cbs8.com/story/38979237/hollywood-actor-convicted-of-attempted-murder-granted-parole

I needed this today! Remember the Munsters? #Hermanswisdom 

He is paraphrasing Martin Luther King Jr. :)

I have my head in the clouds again...

How do clouds defy gravity?

Just like tiny dust particles that float on the air, seemingly defying gravity as they dance in the light, these clouds hang suspended in the sky — for a time. ... Eventually, the droplets in the clouds are heavy enough to be pulled down by gravity— and that's rain!

 Courtesy of the Cloud Appreciation Society! A dog raises his paw up over Pag, Croazia

CLOUD HAIKU BY CINDY MARTEK-MEDINA

Cindy Medina from Las Cruces, NM has sent two whimsical haiku poems for us to enjoy. We’ve paired these with a photograph submitted by Fiorella Lacono.

Billows of softness:
Storm cloud’s pillowy features
at odds with cacti.

*

Quartet of planets
seem a row of lighthouses
for drifting cloud ships.

(Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, Mars)

© Cindi Bartek-Medina

Why I don't Facebook-stalk anymore...

Facebook had a very negative impact on me in 2014, when I was unmedicated. Facebook can still drive me batty, so I took it upon myself to block anyone, who I hate, that is on Facebook. If they are my enemy or they just bug the hell out of me, I blocked them. I have very sensitive wounds lingering from college, (over 20 years later) so I felt that it was in the best interest of my mental health to stay away from these people on Facebook. I do not want to remember them, friend them, or compare their lives to mine.

The other day my good friend told me that she watches Game of Thrones with her husband. Since my husband also watches/loves Game of Thrones, she suggested I watch it with him. Groan! I flashed back to 2014, when I was Facebook stalking this guy from college and his ANNOYING wife. She posted that he gave her a surfboard that said "KHALEESI" on it. So lame! I have no idea who the hell Khaleesi is. I don't watch Game of Thrones. I am not a geek! I just never saw the connection between these two women. He must have been humoring her. And by the way, anyone riding a surfboard that says Khaleesi on it should be laughed out of the water! LOL

Hollyweird is at it again! The Nun? What is so scary about a nun? Whatever! I am not going to see this movie, to find out. I am a Catholic, born and raised. I am offended by this concept. My mother used to be a nun! The Catholic Church is far from perfect, but why is this a socially acceptable movie to make? Make my friggin' movie about Santeria/harmful magic! That is actually scary! Geez!!

OC87 Recovery Diaries: Hearing Voices

Here is an example of the types of stories featured on OC87 Recovery Diaries. I found this story meaningful. It is about hearing voices. #BustStigma

Today, I signed a contract to publish my first essay, with an online organization that fights mental illness stigma. The organization is called OC87 Recovery Diaries. I am really excited about this. I hope that I receive only positive feedback on my personal essay. People can be brutal online.

Lately, I have been noticing people in my life throwing around the term "crazy" a lot. As I come out about my mental illness, I can't help but be offended and assume that they are talking about me. I just deleted a Facebook friend over this. I think this friend has mental issues herself, but that is no excuse for insulting others by calling them "crazy."

Today, I heard a few mothers at my children's grammar school casually tossing around the term "crazy" too. These women are not my friends so I am just trying to ignore them. Maybe I need to be more vocal with the people around me. That is what "busting stigma" is all about, right?

One person bought my book today. Woo-Hoo!

My children are back in school. Woo-Hoo! As I have said before, having a good group of friends is a blessing. But it is work. We were celebrating a friend's birthday tonight. We were also planning a party for another friend. I am too busy to ruminate, which is good. I know I should take it easy on the alcohol. I am keeping it light, believe me. I am trying to balance a little fun into my regimen. 

#Ididn'tdrinkthisIjustposedwithit #Itisnotthatstrongit'sChili's #Thisisalsonotafilter LOL

When some people post, I get the impression that their life is perfection personified. (Or at least that is what they try to convey.) My life is not perfect, but I do have fun. I definitely had fun tonight. :)

#whatihearwhenestebanspeakstome #greatmovie #irrationalfears

#stairwaytoheaven #ilovemybackyard #bewitchinghour #whycanionlytakeadecentpictureatdusk?

OK (Whine time! ) I always feel pressure to do more. I feel pressure to do more, for my children. (Take them to the park or beach and push them out of their comfort zones) I feel pressure to join the PTA, at my children's school.  (which I have no time or desire to do) I feel pressure to conform to the cookie-cutter image of a mother. I also feel pressure to push my special needs children to reach new milestones. Some of this pressure is internal, as well as, the definite pressure I receive from other people. As a person living with mental illness and a mother of special needs children, I loved this reminder to embrace your own pace. Amen!

It is ladies night at Oggi's in Encinitas! My friend always photographs our food. I swear, I didn't eat all that!

I am working on my writing and becoming a language geek, at the same time. Check out the funny and interesting article below.  This article discusses current language trends in America.  I often find myself using the term, "literally," as my children do. I just learned today, that in most cases, I mean "figuratively" when I say "literally." Well, that is good to know!

https://medium.com/s/story/10-new-language-trends-that-are-older-than-you-think-f34a6d1ec087

Along the lines of verbiage, I had an epiphany last night. When referring to my internal voices, I often call them by specific names. I have a name for each voice. They are based on real people, who are complete strangers to me. I do not want to give my fears power over me. I also do not want to further offend the individuals, who I based my fears on. I only have two major voices at this point, a male and a female. From now on, I will refer to them as my male internal voice and my female internal voice.  I do not know where these voices come from, other than, within my own mind. These voices/personalities are not based in reality.  My internal voices often refer to themselves, in first person, which complicates things a bit. I will try my best not to refer to them by the names I have been throwing around anymore.  I want to, somehow, break up the power these voices have over me. I do not want to fight with, or irritate, the real individuals that I have been blaming my voices on any further.  I also do not want to get sued for slander. LOL We will see how that goes.

My friend posted this meme on Facebook. I thought it was fitting. Repost! It is just a joke though. #SPREADLOVE

Esteban: Get off your soapbox! Be forewarned.

Never stop daydreaming!

My first time wine tasting in Temecula... I learned that sparkling wine is my go-to wine, or did I already know that? LOL

I am grateful that I have time to post today, because my children's therapists are here. I wanted to dedicate my blog post to them. They are great people. A few years ago, I thought I was being hexed by two Venezuelan-American people, along with their ringleader, a Caucasian stranger. Anyway, at the time, I was not taking my psychiatric medications and I believed their spirits were hexing my house negatively. I went on a few silly ventures, to rid their spirits from me and my family/home. Nothing worked for controlling the voices and delusions, except good psychiatric care and medication.

Oddly enough, I have noticed that what I was doing in 2014, has become a resurging, American trend. (ie calling 911 on people of different races/cultures) I think my biggest problem and my social misunderstandings came, in part, from not having enough Mexican or Latin American friends close to me. My mother had a brain aneurysm in 2014. Through that hardship, my family met a host of great Mexican caregivers who love my mother and take care of her every need. My mother's caregivers have become great family friends. They look after, love, say prayers for, and bless my whole family. They are very spiritual, wonderful people.

Then, a few months ago, I secured ABA therapy for my Autistic children. Into our lives and home, walked Roberto and Elizabeth. It was a nice surprise and blessing to meet them. I am not sure whether they are from Mexico or Latin America. I asked Roberto where he was from once, and he said "Colorado." LOL  So you just never know.  The sweet, young adults who work with my children are Godsends who fill our house with their wisdom, love, and care. They are teaching my children proper social interactions and provide a break/relief to me. I do not think my house is being hexed anymore, in fact, I believe it is filled with a village of love.

I feel silly for my past headspace, and want to spread the word that this trend of fearing cultures, races, and religions, different from yourself has got to stop. It is silly from the start and has gotten way out of hand. Get to know people who are different from you, in order to get past those initial, superficial differences, and see how similar you really are.

A note from Iman. Love her!💕 

The Voices

The Voices: Chiara finds herself dreaming of the past. As she reminisces, her mental health deteriorates. Drowning in a sea of abusive voices, Chiara questions whether she has lost touch, or become a victim of darker forces.

I just took a Facebook quiz to help me realize which state I truly belong in, and this is what I got. Yikes! I guess, I am not the quintessential California girl, after all. As a Native Californian, I know that California is really very diverse. We are not all blond surfers. This quiz is literally hogwash.  But wow, Kansas?What a blow!  Had I been more of a poser, I could have BS'd the "California" answers, like some people. LOL

Kansas is quiet, peaceful, and full of small hometown vibes. Your down-to-earth, humble personality, as well as your appreciation of the simple things in life make this state the perfect one for you!

AAH! (Bunny appreciation moment) Pretty picture that my daughter just took! We have a family of bunnies happily living in our backyard.

This is a photo from the Farmer's Market in Encinitas. I have not been to a Farmer's Market, since college, in Santa Barbara (1994?), but it has not changed one bit. It is mandatory that you (women) have to wear a sundress when you go to the Farmer's Market, and you have to buy sunflowers also. This is still so trendy! The locally-grown, fresh fruit and vegetables taste great though!

Look at the tan lines on this streaker! Irish men know how to have fun! Dreaming of Irish men now. LOL


http://dailyhive.com/toronto/streaker-blue-jays-deported-seattle#.W2kIuBla87M.facebook

So, I thought I saw the man who was the original voice in my head, my college stalker, and the man who drove me to insanity yesterday. He was with his wife and pointed to her, or something. I don't want to look at his wife. I know this man is married. What I want to know is, why the hell is he ALWAYS in San Diego, when his whole life is in Santa Cruz? Go home. This song expresses how I feel about our awkward encounter yesterday.

I bought my first romper yesterday. I think it is still cute, although the trend may have passed. (Oh well)

OK, it is time to put my money where my mouth is. I just received the audio of Sophia with her Bach 2 Rock band, in the studio. Sophia sang a duet called Renegades with her band. I think her vocal performance turned out better here, because it was a duet. She is very competitive and having another female vocalist on the track pushed her to be the better singer. (Ha!) Introducing Sophia and the Savage Zombie Ducks singing Renegades.

In happier times, the performance that kick-started her dreams, my daughter Sophia's, very first Rock Camp performance!

Today, I had my biggest disappointment of the summer. My daughter had been attending rock camp this week.  She was all set to be the lead singer for her camp band. But throughout the week, the kids (boys) bullied her too much. The boys goofed on her long nails, drawing, and singing. One boy said, "Your nails are so long, that you don't even need a guitar pick. You could just use your nails." When they played games, she noticed all the boys were rooting against her. She felt like no one liked her there. They are just jealous! She was the only one there with any raw talent!

 My daughter is a very sensitive girl, on the Autism Spectrum. She has emotional dysregulation, which some children on the Autism Spectrum have.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_dysregulation

So, ultimately, she refused to perform today. We left feeling defeated. I envied the other parents  whose children performed. I also judged them, for having such bullies and brats for children. I felt judged too. I had been so excited and ready to film her and post her great performance here.  She was supposed to sing "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay. I think she can really sing it too. She has a very sweet voice.

On the only positive note of the day, (and I don't want to jinx it) but we left, before I got so upset, that I started hearing voices. No voices? I can barely believe it myself. I might shed a few tears though.