I am watching the movie, Life of the Party, with Melissa McCarthy. She is so funny! The movie is about a middle-aged woman who copes with her divorce by going back to college. The thought crossed my mind, when I got a divorce, to go back to college. I did take a Latin Dance class at Mira Costa college, which was fun. I did not meet any young hotties, like in the movie. I am definately better off for not wasting my time in a May-December romance and reconciling with my husband instead. I enjoyed fantasizing about going back to college in this movie though. Party hearty!

Deanna: What am I doing? I am drinking alcohol on a racquetball court and yelling at old men. I mean, what am I going to do? Go get a studio apartment or start taking spin classes? Oh, God! I don’t want to start a blog. I don’t know how to do that.

Mental health memes

Just for laughs! I know that I should be mortified by these pictures. What a goofball I was in 1989 and I had a definite fixation with smoking. I am glad I eventually outgrew that.  Do you think my hair was long enough back then? Get a haircut hippie! 

This is a picture from 2006? Although I was taking my medication (Abilify), I think I was depressed here. I probably had a bit of postpartum depression. You know you are depressed when you can’t even get happy at the beach. I am blessed to have my three children! My firstborn pictured here, Olivia, loves the beach 🏖 too!

I grew up watching CBS Sunday Morning and am still obsessed with the last 30 seconds of every show. This is beauty!

I watched this video on YouTube and many of the commenters praised how "far out" it was. They began singing the praises of hallucinogens and marijuana. Sorry to be the buzzkill of anyone reading this, but legalizing psilocybin would not open the door to enlightenment. Any drug that triggers hallucinations (even marijuana) can trigger schizophrenia. None of these drugs should be legal. People who do not have schizophrenia and experiment with drugs are playing with fire. You don't want to have an uncontrolled hallucinations. You do not want schizophrenia. The hallucinations that I have, come out of the blue and scare me. They are vile and unpleasant. I am not brainwashed into thinking that drugs are bad. I know from experience that drugs are bad. I experimented with all of these things and blame them, in large part, for my mental illness. Consider yourself lucky that you don't have schizophrenia (yet,) because you are potentially one trip away. 

Well, check mate! My vanity/sink doesn't look anything like this though! ;)

Why do my videos about voodoo and Santeria keep disappearing? These religions truly are shrouded in secrecy!  Someone was brave enough to create a video which educates about the history of Haitian voodoo. Good night and sweet dreams!  

Here is a photo from my Christmas today, celebrating with my family. It was a low key day for the most part. I didn’t experience too much stress. So why would I start hearing angry voices upon returning home from Christmas? I have no idea but I did indeed hear voices.

Federica: You are having a midlife crisis so be forewarned. We hate you so we are hexing you. Be forewarned!

Esteban: Esteban is full of magic, so be forewarned!

This is a really cool idea for a Christmas gift to a neighbor. We found this in our mailbox today! Merry Christmas Eve! This tells me that at least one of our neighbors likes us.  This made me feel blessed. Unfortunately we did not win any money, but I appreciate the friendly sentiment from our mystery neighbor! Good Luck/Karma to you too!

I am horrified! I am a hermit already and now this.  This terrorist attack screams to me "never travel abroad!"  I am trapped by my own fears. I may never leave the United States again! This saddens me because traveling abroad helps open one's eyes to different cultures and experiences. I guess I will never be wordly. I never studied abroad and now may never travel abroad, due to my own fears.

God bless the two innocent Scandinavian women who just wanted to hike and have fantastic life experiences!


https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6511367/Killers-two-Scandinavian-women-Morocco-sexually-motivated-three-arrested.html?ito=email_share_article-masthead

"Lasso the Moon," a romantic scene from It's a Wonderful Life

If only romance were this perfect...sweet with a touch of comedy! 

Of all the things that I am hearing, I don't hear Phil Collins. You would have to be high to notice that and I am not. LOL

Star Wars Bill Murray Lounge Act Song

Van down by the river

You'll be living in a van down by the river! This might have been me, had I gone to UC Santa Cruz. My first choice for college was UC Santa Cruz, but my parents forbade me from applying there. I already had hippie leanings and they didn't want to encourage that. I realized later that I probably would not have fit in there. I am not an uber-hippie and I just never felt connected to the hippies I met in college. I still have never been to Santa Cruz and have no plans to go there. I like forests like this, but I like living where I am at more. (San Diego) I closed the door on this over 20 years ago, and it is no longer a cute idea to live in a van. LOL

Merry Christmas! :)

I have to admit that I respect Frida Kahlo for this reason, she sported a mustache. Every time I think of her, the first thing that comes to mind, is her mustache. I have always felt a kinship to Frida. I am genetically predisposed to facial hair, like Frida. However, I am not as brave as her. After discovering Nair and laser hair removal, I no longer bare what I always considered to be my Italian curse. 

Frida rocked her mustache though! God bless her and her brilliant artwork!

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/angelica-sereda/the-beautiful-mustachioed-woman-how-frida-kahlo-inspired-me-to-accept-my-flaws_b_7667608.html

My son was bouncing to this song at Get Air yesterday! :)

When someone tells me that my drinking is an unhealthy coping mechanism...

 LOL Relax, it's just a meme.

Today I drove out to Temecula, with my son, for a friend's birthday party. It was a long drive, but the party was relatively stress-free. I think the long drive got to me, because I started hearing voices on the way home.

Leigh: You are having a midlife crisis, so be forewarned. No! We hate you, so we are hexing you! Be forewarned.

Esteban: Stupid bitch!

Esteban: (Singing along to the music on the radio)

"That's all you wanted
Something special, something sacred
In your life
Just for one moment
To be warm and naked
At my side

Sometimes I think that you'll never understand me
But something tells me
We'd be happy, oh oh..."

For such a macho seeming guy, Esteban basically sings along to any song or artist, including George Michael.

Leigh: Wait until I get my hands on you! You'll wish that you never messed with Keith Spellman! Just wait until I get my hands on YOU!

Who is Jordan Peterson and who cares what he has to say about schizophrenia? Today, people on the website that I frequent for SZA knowledge and support were discussing Jordan Peterson. I have honestly never heard of him before now. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordan_Peterson

This video clip of Jordan Peterson discusses schizophrenia and involuntary eye movements. I just asked my husband if I make strange eye movements and he gave me a resounding "Yes!" First of all, my eye rolling is voluntary!

This is the first that I have ever heard of people with SZ/SZA making abnormal eye movements. How would I ever know that I do that, unless someone told me? I do not have the ability to look into my own eyes. No one ever told me that I do that until today.

What are saccadic eye movements? Click on the link below to find out!

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3783508/

***I just looked into the mirror and didn't see any involuntary or strange eye movements. I kind of think Jordan Peterson is a crock. I am not looking for a guru to follow anyway.

I left my heart in San Francisco!


https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/southwest-airlines-flight-turns-around-crew-members-discover-human-heart-onboard-145248613.html?.tsrc=fauxdal&fbclid=IwAR2uPG9X2820sAbkAi0Bw79XrRaX8atGlQVjcbBGGpsdV-73sjs2YGPI2D0

So, the weekend kicks off tomorrow... Don't Drink & Drive. Watch Reno 911!

I can't get over these music videos from the 1980's. They were pretty terrible. LOL But you can really feel his heartbreak in this song! (I am not wallowing in depression or anything.) I still love OMD and would totally go see them in concert today!

Invest Your Energy | Dandapani | Goalcast

What is Electric Catnip? I sat through this entire video and found it VERY RELAXING! Enjoy!

Yes, this song is a tear jerker! I can’t believe the heartbreaker in the video is a woman with dark, curly hair. We are usually cast as the “unlucky in love” woman or the “stuck in the friend zone” woman. George Michael is still awesome. He was a great singer/performer and I love hearing this song every Christmas!

LOL (It's true though)

Sade - Kiss of Life (Live Video from San Diego)

I am feeling festive and getting into the spirit of things!  Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! This is our Christmas 🎄 this year!

In case you didn't know who Dani California really is...this song is basically an homage to moi. Yes...me!

Surprise! Here I am!! The Dani California!

 

(Sorry, these are jokes, folks. This is a delusion of mine but I know that is all it is...a silly delusion.)

Heal Your Heart

On the therapy website I frequently visit, we were discussing fixating on people this evening.  Other SZ/SZA individuals were sharing stories similar to mine, which was comforting. Although I can't help but worry that some of these people I was sharing with are not really schizophrenic or stalkers trying to embarass me. Sharing details of your personal life story and illness, with a support group, can be challenging. It conjurs up my paranoia about the intentions of the people that I am sharing with.

So anyhow, one member recommended this book/method to mending a broken heart and ending the fixation on your ex/crush. It is called "The Tapping Solution: Heal Your Heart." I might have to check this out. Please see the link below for more information.

https://www.thetappingsolution.com/healyourheart/

We noted tonight how difficult it is to get over your fixation when you keep hallucinating seeing them. My medication does not help with this. My therapist and I have not begun trying to curb my fixation through therapy. I believe it is mostly harmless and not overly consuming of my life, so working on this is not a priority.

Meanwhile, here I am dedicating songs and serenading the fixation, who "doesn't know I exist," according to the voices in my head.

"You live inside me."-Toni Braxton

I love Justin Timberlake for the romance, however, he needs to bring back the blond 'fro! Remember in the 1990's when he was rocking a huge curly blond 'fro? I loved it! What happened to it?

I don’t know if I give off good vibes but I 💕 receiving good vibes. (Hence the sweatshirt) LOL  I kind of walk around with resting bitch face. I admittedly need to work on that. Keep smiling!!

This holiday season has started off with rain 🌧 and me attempting to get to the gym regularly. They say that during a time of indulgence, such as the holidays, it is best to temper that indulgence with good workouts. I believe that these workouts will help get me through the holidays and keep my weight from skyrocketing.

I thought of this movie gem from the 1980s, which inspired me to get physically fit, in my childhood. Who could forget the classic movie Perfect with Jamie Lee Curtis and John Travolta? I want to share this inspirational fitness movie with the world 🌎!

See link below for more funny and inspirational workout scenes from the movie Perfect !

I just now flashed back to the summer of 2018. It was hot. One day I was driving around Encinitas and I came to a stoplight. I had my windows rolled down. The guy in the car next to me also had his windows rolled down. I was blasting Skidrow. The guy in the car next to me promptly rolled up his windows. If I could read his mind, he was thinking, "There is no way I am listening to this shit!"

Oh well! Here I go again...

I Remember (inaccurately) You! It's more like, I remember a few things, I invented a few things, I hallucinate a few things, and so much more!

And off to sleep I go...

Yeah, I know. Visions are seldom all they seem. Blah blah blah

That one weird friend

Stevie knows! Superstition really isn't the way! I am very superstitious. That might be my problem. "If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer. Superstition ain't the way!"