Yah, I am going  wine tasting in Temecula tomorrow with friends. I will share more about my excursion later this weekend. It is beautiful in Temecula. I hope to take some pretty pictures but you never know how they will turn out.

The thought of going drinking tomorrow reminds me of the time a friend asked me to go to a bar with her a few years ago and the anticipation of it triggered my voices.

Esteban: You and your friend Victoria are going to a singles bar? You are both in over your head. You haven’t a clue what you are getting yourselves into so be forewarned!  You haven’t been to a bar in years. No one is going to pay any attention to you anyway . Ha! 

I am not really sure what Elon Musk is talking about here but I this is my new Friday morning mantra!

Danielle’s unpopular opinion #5,074

Besides Motown, the best musical act to ever hail from Detroit, Michigan is definitely these guys! The Romantics were a great group. I am just not a fan of Eminem, Kid Rock, Uncle Cracker, Bob Seger, or Ted Nugent. lol

Who is reading my blog? Yes, I am spreading my message/story to the world! #pageviews  (Never mind my filthy computer screen.)

January 27, 2020

I needed to see this today, on my 45th birthday. My new mantra...

The voices led into a crappy birthday weekend!

I knew something was going to overshadow this birthday. I knew that there would be a terrible black cloud hanging over my birthday and here it is today January 26th and no one is ready to celebrate with me. Some haters may not wish me Happy Birthday on Facebook at all. You know who you are. I hate fake family/friends anyway.

Forget about my birthday for a second. It is terrible to hear the news about Kobe Bryant. I was born in LA and am still a Kobe/Lakers Fan. So Sad. I felt like I got hit by a bus when I heard the news and so much worse to hear that his daughter and so many others perished in the plane crash too. Sad!

I feel like the voices and what I was feeling last Thursday foreshadowed this event though. I could feel it in my bones that this birthday would absolutely suck. I am trying to make this best of it though and spend time with my loved ones and accept whoever wants to send me well wishes. I don't expect much though!

My brother had a suggestion tonight after dinner. He said, "Why don't you reason with your voices? Tell them that if you die of cancer that they are going down too and they don't want that." I mean they are housed in my mind. If I die, they die. So let's work together not to die. LOL

It is a nice thought but reasoning with the voices never works. The voices always control the conversation and it is always very negative/critical unfortunately. I wish I could have a positive, uplifting voice hearing experience. Since it is always negative, I just want to turn the voices off.

What am I trying to tell you?

Yes, I am being hexed! You’ll see...eventually!

January 24, 2020

This is one of my Moms nurses on her birthday at the Red Lobster. My birthday is going to suck compared to this. They have faith. They have love. They have each other.

At least I have cute kids. lol I went to tour a local high school with my daughter today. I am so worried for her to start high school. I don’t want anyone to bully her. After the tour I was tired and stressed out. I started hearing voices.

Federica: You are having a midlife crisis so be forewarned.

Federica: So what are you planning to do about Keith Spellman? We hate you so we are hexing you. Be forewarned. It doesn’t matter anyway. You are dying of Cancer. So be forewarned.

Esteban: You are having  a tough time...letting your children go. Stupid bitch!

I learned some new terminology today. What is an Indigo Child? Me! Me! Me! I just read this checklist to see if I am an Indigo Child and it seems pretty close to accurate. Or maybe I am just delusional and I don’t know the difference. 🤔

https://www.gaia.com/article/13-signs-you-are-an-indigo-child

I might have shared this before but this makeup filter makes me feel like Adam Ant!

Whine about college again and post another video! Check!

When I was young (in college) there were no bands like The Killers. (In Isla Vista, my college town) No bands were Christian or would use religious imagery in their lyrics. I love this band.

There was one band in college called Red House that I wanted to go watch,  but they never invited me to their shows. Who they were and where they were playing was always a secret from me so that sucked.

Then again, if I were a college guy in a band, I probably wouldn’t invite me either. I mean there were scandalous women and then there was me. I wouldn’t have sex outside of an exclusive relationship, which no one was really feeling. So there’s that. Growing up with morals and values really bit me in the butt at the public, non-Catholic college I attended. So anyway this song took me back there today.

Saturday night stolen memes

OMG is right!

Someone posed the question today, "why do we feel the urge to go off our meds?" I once wrote an article about it. If I could rewrite that article, I would. All that OC87 Recovery Diaries, the company that published it, got out of it was that I wanted to lose weight. They branded me as vain and paid me $500 for it. The embarrassment and judgement was not worth the money.

There was so much more to my reasoning process than that! Being on meds definately does suck, because of all the awful side effects, which weight gain is one of. But I also did not feel "sick" enough. I questioned my schizoaffective diagnosis. Was I really schizoaffective? My husband and I doubted it. After all I had not heard any voices since 1999, over 15 years.

My psychiatrist once told me that there were cases where mental patients outgrew their mental illness. They simply got better. I hoped that was the case for me. It was a dangerous idea, but I went off my meds. Chaos ensued... (I won't retell that story now) and I eventually got back on my meds.

After spending so much time unmedicated, my antipsychotic does not work as good as it used to. I now suffer occasional breakthrough symptoms and hear voices, which bring it all back. Temporary psychosis presents a great reality check to me, that I need to stay medicated.

I try to keep it in perspective and remain positive about it. The voices cue me in that I need to continually take my meds and not ever stray from my medication regimen again. I am grateful for that insight. I now know never to make that mistake again. Lesson learned!

If you weren't dancing around in an abandoned building in the 1980's and 1990's, then what were you doing?

Want to watch an interesting video about trees? Click below. I am still not convinced that trees can talk to each other but who knows? lol

The best meme I have seen all day...

Gwyneth Paltrow is so full of it! Vaginas don’t smell like patchouli and vanilla so whatever and no thank you!

https://pagesix.com/2020/01/11/gwyneth-paltrow-selling-75-candle-that-smells-like-my-vagina/?utm_source=url_sitebuttons&utm_medium=site%20buttons&utm_campaign=site%20buttons

Not to scare Gwyneth Paltrow but someone on a therapy site I frequent, already wrote a creepy poem about her new candle. LOL See below.

Hmm.

I Wonder. I Am Curious. I Am Flattered. I Am Already Enjoying Thus Product.

IN MY MIND (!!!).

It’s a One Track Mind. On a Crazy Train. Where Chris Martin. Is Full of Sadness.

AND SHAME.

Not Because He Didn’t Get a Chance to See Me Enjoy Her Breeze.

Her Night In The Summers Eve.

But Because He DID!!!.

And He Has Nothing On Me.

Don’t Worry Chris Martin.

Don’t Worry About The Pain She Will Now Feel.

It’s a Force of Enlightenment.

AND SHE WILL ENJOY IT (!!!).

Dare I Say Thoroughly.

Who Knew Candles Could Save The Universe.

It Saved Hers.

MmmhMm And Stuff… . …

I heard this song at Islands today. I find it sort of trippy but sort of sweet. I love lyric videos so I can figure out what the artist is trying to say.

I remember watching this movie many years ago and thinking it was pretty funny. Today I watched a couple scenes on YouTube and found it pretty offensive. Would this movie be made today with its oftentimes politically incorrect humor? I wonder. Probably not.  This scene might be considered offensive to Mexicans. The Three Amigos were definitely arrogant Americans.

Whoops! What was that then?

Ok depressing song of the day

Just joking 

The meme is directed at someone else but the cartoon is all me...going to psychics and such.

Ok I played this game even though it is offensive to the mental health community.

My children and I have a lot in common. The link below features a beautiful poem which speaks volumes.

http://www.postlajme.net/21299?fbclid=IwAR32VUpUinrFN_l5g5ZMUWNwdOHFZkZgw0PDuWFcBktIgkGlxuf1qztVGOY

I’m sick of this s- - -! I am already hating 2020. Take me back to the 1980’s please! Where is my time machine? I know exactly what hairstyle I would rock. Well this hairstyle is not that much different from my present day hair. Oh well.

No, you’re not too old to go to Coachella. I know the voices will skewer me later for this post, but I can’t help it. It’s too funny.

https://nypost.com/video/cargo-shorts-guy-wins-award-for-best-dad-dancing/?utm_source=url_sitebuttons&utm_medium=site%20buttons&utm_campaign=site%20buttons

Does anyone else see an image of a woman flying and a shooting heart ❤️? Wishful thinking! My mother is definitely in heaven!

I just purchased this cool necklace from someone named Gypsy Lamb in Arcata. California. They know how to keep it hippie in Arcata! lol I am so excited to get it in the mail!

Yes, I am a space cadet! Intergalactic Planetary!

Music video of the evening!

The more bitchy, judgy people unfriend/unfollow me, the freer I feel to post whatever I want. :)

I reminisce too much, oftentimes about negative experiences. I went to school with this one bully named Mick. He was such a punk but one day he saw me wearing this necklace that I bought in Hawaii. I may have had a tan too. He called me "Barney Varni" in front of the whole class. I was mortified!

I grew up watching this movie, North Shore. It was very cheesy but I loved it. I may have been addicted to watching it. Too many good looking surfers! Great movie!

Great advice here for 2020. Quit giving an F about your ex (or whatever he was)!

https://www.higherperspectives.com/fix-another-womans-crown-2643670503.html?fbclid=IwAR0m4mWcJe_AQ2AOHScw89hRmFKZ_PKiQIPNZJgyBGYi7BJ61Iv7g5sWvKQ

Grateful for real friends this New Year!

I will be 45 on January 27th and honestly glad that everyone I know is already married so I don’t have to relive anymore bridezilla weddings. lol

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.yahoo.com/amphtml/now/bride-reddit-post-sister-maid-of-honor-arm-cast-204306665.html

A few of the people reading this may be in my personal Facebook jail. You never know...

The people in this picture are my friends and definitely not prisoners on my Facebook block list.  :)

Sitting by a fountain last year. My hair was a little lighter.

I love this song!

Fun with Instagram filters! Followed by the ugliest picture that I could take of myself. lol

I knew a guy in college who refused to neuter his dog. I wasn’t amused when his dog would try to mate with everyone and everything in sight. Ick!

Uh oh!

I know! I know! She dresses better! She’s thinner and younger! Blah! Blah! Blah!