but I ended up reading every word in this article about The Beatles and their various wives. The Beatles really lived and loved. They wrote beautiful, inspired love songs. But who were they inspired by? I wouldn’t be surprised if a few songs were written about women not married to The Beatles or mentioned in this article. The Beatles certainly did not lack for female love and attention! With all their money and access to travel the world and meet new women, I am really not surprised that they were unfaithful and married numerous times. How spoiled and fickle were they? The Beatles really experienced roller coaster love lives. I still love them! The Beatles and musicians, in general, just fascinate me!
Wednesday, September 30, 2020
What was your best date ever?
Phil: "I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster, drank piƱa coladas. At sunset we made love like sea otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over and over and over?"- Groundhog Day
Tuesday, September 29, 2020
Sunday, September 27, 2020
Life before Instagram
A very stylish hat
One love!
Token bikini picture 
Friday, September 25, 2020
Let’s say someone was hexing me...
Today I looked up possible punishment for these crimes in California courts, in case you are interested.
Thursday, September 24, 2020
I gained a ton of weight after my diagnosis and went into hiding too!
#teamsyd What a funny guy! You have to laugh or you will start to cry. I couldn’t imagine being a celebrity, developing schizophrenia, gaining all the weight and having to go through all the hellish changes, while in the limelight. I would go into hiding too!
https://www.google.com/amp/s/faroutmagazine.co.uk/pink-floyd-syd-barrett-last-ever-interview/amp/
It’s funny how I forget the good times...
I forget the good times from my past and focus on all my bad days, negative experiences, and the people who hurt me. I get in these moods where I feel like I never win and can’t win, when in reality I have won plenty too. I am just depressed.
I am ruminating right now about how I couldn’t wait for a guy my age to grow up so we could get married. I ended up marrying an older guy who had his life together already. He was ripe for the picking. He also reminded me of this one guy from college, who also majored in Chemistry. I wanted to marry a smart scientist but did I marry the right one? If I ever marry again, will I make the same mistake? Marry an imposter or the real deal? Like my sister just said, everything happens for a reason.
I feel terrible for always painting a “poor me” picture of my life, which is not necessarily accurate. I am surrounded by loved ones, I have a roof over my head, and I feel pretty good! That is truly enough for me!
Me: Why does he drive past me every day? Why does he make a romantic gesture every day? What is the point? We will probably not ever end up together.
Leigh: Why does he tell me that he loves me every single day?? (She asks jealously with sarcasm?) Hmmpf!! I am eavesdropping so I know your every move when it comes to Keith Spellman!
Wednesday, September 23, 2020
I wish...
This article is a painful reminder of all the things that I don’t have.
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/couples-most-sex-common-bedroom-143400730.html
The article even ends with the phrase “happy wife, happy life.” Blah!
Monday, September 21, 2020
My golden-haired Golden Fantasy
Yes, I definitely have this fantasy! I am overly focused on a particular (unavailable) beautiful blonde. lol
Saturday, September 19, 2020
Top this!
No one can beat these haunted corpse bride Halloween decorations! Happy Halloween season!!
Friday, September 18, 2020
This happened yesterday...
Something like This happened to me and my daughter yesterday... and we lived to tell the story.
Tuesday, September 15, 2020
Monday, September 14, 2020
Monday night blues
Leigh: Stupid bitch. Your story is a bit anticlimactic, as you do not end up with the guy in the end, so be forewarned. So...what do you think of my new Instagram page? Try and keep up!
My biggest distraction in life is checking out other men while I am driving or rather thinking that I am being checked out by an attractive man. Maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me. I guess it is harmless as it leads to nowhere. My doctor tells me to ignore these distractions and focus on reality but what is reality?
Sunday, September 13, 2020
Wrestling with reality: My favorite hallucination
I see strangers driving by, who look like you.
Some of the men resemble a past you, and some resemble what I think you would look like today.
All beautiful, blonde, with lots of curls, and a bright smile.
I hear songs on the radio, which remind me of you.
I hear a voice in my head, and it sounds like you too.
He speaks sweetly in my fantasy.
Always followed by the nightmare of your wife and her friends, warning me to stay away from you.
How can you be here in Carlsbad, and busy living your married life in Santa Cruz, at the same time?
I will never understand.
If you are so happily married, what are you doing here?
I know that he is just a memory and a fantasy.
An apparition haunting me about what might have been.
Why do you still visit me, without even saying one word to me?
Is it the San Diego surf, that is bringing you to my beach?
Or do you have a score to settle?
Doesn’t it ever get old, surfing in front of my house, showing off for me?
I am not crazy.
You have been driving me crazy for years!
Saturday, September 12, 2020
Friday, September 11, 2020
Voodoo virus?
Coronavirus is as real as Voodoo, so don’t play around with it and tempt fate. Voodoo and Coronavirus are coming for the skeptic n the article below.
Thursday, September 10, 2020
Years ago...
I hate it when I think at great lengths
About people who I knew years ago
As I know that I never even cross
These people's minds
Wednesday, September 9, 2020
What caused my sz?
The cause of my SZ
Is beyond me
It was a college clusterfuck of weed
School stress & insecurity
Bad genetics, fake friends, burned bridges & immaturity
Fear of falling in love with someone too good for me
Ultimately, losing you, led to losing me
No fault to blame. This was my destiny.
Breaks my heart every time!
He pretends that he is an Italian foreign exchange student and totally blows it with Cathleen. He learns from his mistakes and is a better man to the next college girl that he meets. Not a happy ending for Caterina who he left broken-hearted .
Tuesday, September 8, 2020
Let’s get ripped!
In 2014 I was training and drinking protein shakes. I got super thin and pretty muscular arms. I think I could look like that again. I actually think that building muscle would be easier for me than getting lean.
Monday, September 7, 2020
A drone is stalking me!
A drone flew into my father's backyard on Saturday and hovered over me for a minute or so. I think it was recording or photographing me and my daughter! Scary!
https://www.sciencenewsforstudents.org/article/how-tell-if-drone-stalking-you
Saturday, September 5, 2020
Thursday, September 3, 2020
The End of Summer 2020
Me: Love is so hard!
Leigh: Love is hard? Keep away from my man! Don’t even think of coming after my man! Be forewarned!
Success
So I think my daily supplement of 1 hemp gummy bear a day is helping to curb my voices. Amazing! I am sitting in silence and no one is bothering me yet.
Here’s to another silent night! At BB least the voices are so faint that I cannot even hear them. š
Wednesday, September 2, 2020
Hemp gummy bears
My latest experiment
When my mother was still living and complaining of pain my sister brought over some hemp gummy bears for her pain. My mother actually tried them. I have been wary of trying them because I don’t want to exascerbate my voices. But since my Mom died the bottle of hemp gummy bears has just been sitting there. As I have started homeschooling my children these past weeks and living my quarantine life, I decided to try it as a stress and pain reliever. It doesn’t do much but maybe relax me ever so slightly. Hemp gummy bears are less powerful than THC and CBD so I may as well finish off the bottle. It may have even relaxed my anxiety enough to quell my voices during my times of stress.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/usa.inquirer.net/33395/how-hemp-gummy-bears-are-changing-lives/amp
Tuesday, September 1, 2020
Have you ever received an F in school?
Someone asked this question today. Oh man! In college I really needed to study more and party less in my freshman and sophomore years. I received an F in Art History because it was a hard class where you had to memorize at least 75 paintings and the dates/periods they were painted. That class was impossible for me. I took music appreciation which I assumed would be easy. It was not that easy because I never spent the time to listen to the classical music. It gets worse. I mean I was supposed to be having the time of my life in college, but the fact that I got a C- in Sex Ed and the Alcohol/Drug class tell you everything you need to know. I didn’t come out of college much smarter than I went in. Seriously there was a lot of biology in Sex Ed sand chemistry in the drug and alcohol class and science isn’t my strong suit. So yes I have received an F before not to mention retaking math over every summer of my life. One of my math teachers called it math phobia. I definitely had a mental block to grasping Algebra. Thankfully I have never had to use Algebra in real life!
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