Fish oil

I heard that 

Fish Oil and THC

Are great ways

To keep having conversations 

With Imaginary Friends 

This poem is sarcasm-laden. Fish oil does nothing to control schizophrenia symptoms and THC exacerbates our symptoms. Keep taking your medication, as prescribed, for your mental illness.

I thought I saw the man who embodies my voice, Matteo, the other day. He smiled at me. Can I trust his smile? When is a smile just a smile? Is a smile always a nice gesture? Was it really Matteo that I saw? 

Either he is the most hang loose guy in the world and doesn’t care what I am writing about him or he is oblivious to it. Who knows. I feel bad for questioning his smile at this point, after all that I have accused him of. He is not evil incarnate and I am ashamed of a lot of things, with respect to the three individuals that I blamed my voices on. In moments of calm and sanity, I realize that no one is hexing me and my voices are simply a byproduct of my mental illness.

Custody discrimination

Wow! This article has elements of my story in it. I was discriminated against, due to my mental illness, in terms of child custody. There are parallels here between the mental illness community and the LGBTQ community, in terms of custody discrimination. I never thought about that. When you are a loving, hands on parent and lose custody of your children, it causes lasting mental health issues. I was definitely depressed, at least.

https://www.yahoo.com/huffpost/coming-out-homophobia-parents-130000813.html

If anyone would let me cook...

 https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/easter-fish-recipes-moqueca-brazilian-seafood-stew-b1824345.html

Love lost

 

I come here for the dancing sandwiches

 

Promoting my book again

https://www.amazon.com/Voices-Danielle-Flore/dp/0692956964/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=danielle+flore+the+voices&qid=1617072048&sprefix=danielle+flo&sr=8-3

Even though I could have spent more time writing my book, I am proud to share my story with you. I hope sharing my story comforts those in a similar situation and explains to others the journey that those with mental illness take.

Oh wow! This sounds like me!

 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinderella_complex

Call me!

 Should I get a psychic reading?

I see him everywhere

 Even in memes

 

Happy?

 I was wearing a Spiritual Gangster sweatshirt that read “Happy” on it. I went to Starbucks and when my order was ready they called out for Happy and I just stood there. Is that reflective of my life outlook at this time? I was more bewildered than anything. Am I really happy?

Paying it forward

 When I started this blog, it was for me to vent and selfishly get sympathy. I now hope that I can help others suffering from mental illness. My friend told me that she saw this video and thought of me. She also told me that sharing my story publicly helps others in the same situation. I hope that is true. The video above amazed me. I feel unique and blessed because although I have schizoaffective disorder, I have never been plagued with suicidal ideation. This video spreads awareness to others out there who may suffer suicidal ideation that there are others out there suffering too and help is out there.

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html (International)

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ (United States)

 

 

I heard a voice...

It was Jerry Garcia again. I used to hear his voice many years ago. I was listening to Scarlet Begonias and he said to me...

Jerry: “I’ve got news for you. The stars will never align perfectly.” I think that he was talking about my love life. There’s probably a lot of truth to that. Will my soulmate ever magically appear or is he the imperfect partner already in my life? If my soulmate sauntered in, there would be many repercussions to that. 

I have been and will always be unlucky in love. This is common among schizophrenics. We are the lonely losers of the world. Oh well!

Voice: Never follow the advice of a dead man!

Uptick in symptoms lately

Me: (looking at a picture on Facebook) What happened? Everything was perfect. Picture perfect!

Maeve: Perfect? Everything was not perfect...apparently. At least I didn’t...(have children with him)

Valentina: Yeah right! Definitely!

Maeve: At least I am not a home wrecker, like some people! So be forewarned!

Maeve: Unbelievable! How could he leave me for someone so fat!? Look at how much she is eating! Gross!

I have had an uptick in voices lately but also an uptick in harmless hallucinations. For instance, yesterday I saw Slash and today I saw the drummer from the Red Hot Chili Peppers (Chad Smith) lol And numerous Trey sightings but from different ages and once with full beard, other times with a close shave. Each time he drove past me in a different car. Where does he get all these cars?

Maeve: The only people reading your online diary are us, you bitch! Be forewarned!

What love is...

From the eyes of children 

 

Wow!

Someone bought my book again yesterday! Please check it out! It’s cheap too! (Under $3) Please leave a positive review if you like it!!

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692956964/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8

Is schizophrenia a disease of the high IQ?

 

Of all the things I have lost...

 what do I miss the most? My mind? My first love? My mother? Missed opportunities? My youth?

Were you ever foolish?

 Yes I literally ran away from my soulmate and hid from him until it was too late! As the cliche goes, I was only ever foolish in love.

It’s almost Easter!

I found these cute bunny ears discarded on the sidewalk near my house! So of course I grabbed them, put them on my head, and started taking selfies with them! lol 

Say

The most flattering thing 

You could ever say

Is that I was

The one who got away 

Story of my life

 

lol

Well, in my defense, I argue that it takes more than this to be a true devil!

 

Freak

You’ve got what’s missing

From someone else’s life

Doesn’t that freak

You out?

I have always thought that it was quite the opposite. Now I am not so sure.

What? It’s called snoring.

“Daydreaming”

sitting on the

couch in a semi-lit

room, i listen to

the gentle in and

out of my queen’s

slow sleep breathing

and lose myself in

daydreams of all our

years to come

This poem is too much! He even loves the way his wife snores?!! Give me a break!

Adding

I always daydream

That reconnecting with my soulmate 

Will solve all my problems

Instead of adding to them.

 

Yes we are messing with you

 

Schizophrenia = Single

Does a schizophrenia diagnosis ensure a lifetime of loneliness? For many individuals that I know of, it does. On the social networking/therapy site schizophrenia.com we discuss our single romantic status and the corresponding loneliness that goes along with it. I think that schizophrenic men may be more impacted than women, as they are traditionally expected to assume the role of financial provider.  Due to our illness, many of us do not work and rely on disability paychecks to survive. The disability check does not go very far and most of us are at poverty level. This prevents us from being considered hot romantic prospects. Many accept this fact and do not even attempt dating or leaving dysfunctional/abusive relationships.  It’s a very sad state of affairs when your illness is stigmatized and discriminated against by the vast majority of the dating pool.

Friendships are abandoned at schizophrenia onset, as we are considered too needy, to be fun and carefree anymore. Potential romantic partners are even harder to intrigue and maintain. At what point, should you disclose that you are schizophrenic? Never? Most of us remain committed to our own singlehood and self care. 

Spy

When you’re ill you think

You’re being spied on,

When you’re really ill

You think you’re a spy.

No one ever believed that I could be stalked or spied on. Why would anyone do that to me? They implied that I was probably the stalker and not the other way around. It was offensive to me as I was never that sick.  That is why I am sharing this poem. Even some psychiatrists don’t get it. I have never been sick enough to stalk someone, Facebook stalking maybe. But I do feel like I am being followed on a daily basis. I see celebrities like Alex Van Halen and John Frusciante all the time in my neighborhood. I may be a muse to them. That is why they travel down here.  I am Dani California.

Vetoed

If I had actually met

The right man, 

My 6th sense would

Still have vetoed it.

Romance is 90% self indulgent fantasy. A veto was the right move.

Ammo

My voices are not harassing me today,

It’s like fate has run out

Of ammo

Or maybe it’s just reloading.

Fast forward fantasy/nightmare

 Fast forward to 10 years from now

Chiara: I can't believe you talked me into moving to Santa Cruz! I don't know anyone here. My children miss their friends.

Keith: My whole life is in Santa Cruz. My business is here. My friends are here. My aging parents are here. If your parents were still alive, we would probably still be in Carlsbad. Look everything will be fine. You will love it here.

(A voice chimes in) It's Maeve: Over my dead body! Don't even fantasize about moving into my beloved Beachview, the home of our wedded bliss! You bitch! This is all your fault! I was living my best life, until you poked your big nose into our marriage. You will never get out of this hex! I will never leave you alone!!

Maeve: This is a real voice! Keep writing your stupid stories and I will keep making your life a living hell, so be forewarned!

Valentina:  Yeah right. You wish Chiara!

Selling my life story on Amazon

 https://www.amazon.com/Voices-Danielle-Flore/dp/0692956964/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=the+voices+danielle+flore&qid=1615433077&sr=8-2

Here is a link to my book on Amazon. Hint! Hint! I published a semi-fictional, semi-autobiographical story on Amazon for less than $3. I keep plugging my novella, even though I am embarrassed by it, at the same time. It appears in a Google search of my name and follows me wherever I go. Do I regret publishing it now? Yes, because it haunts me. The only people who read my book are nosy acquaintances, digging for dirt on my life. Are any strangers interested in being enlightened or entertained by my magic-tinged mental health journey? 

Sunset on a cloudy afternoon

 

Guns N Roses

Anyone that knew me circa 1988, knows that I thought this was the best looking band in the world. I wasn’t alone in that thought. But looking back at some of these old photos, of the original line up, I question my own taste. Steven was so cute to me. Here he looks like his nostrils are huge and so inflamed from constantly having a straw up his nose. Yuck! This is a terrible picture though.

Meme

 

My sons favorite commercial

 My son said to me the other day, “Mom you are always taking Gas-X. You should try Mucinex. It’s better.” I asked him back, Why? Because there is a cartoon character in the commercial?” He said, “yes,” giggling. He is so cute. I explained that they are for two very different problems.

Echo Chamber

 oh yes!

tell me good things

tell me what

i want

to hear.

over and

over again,

until i believe

It  as

truth!

Psychiatric Service Dog

 I see people everywhere with service animals. I don’t know what they are dealing with in their personal lives,  but I don’t see why half these people need them. I have schizoaffective disorder and don’t rely on a dog. A dog would just be more work for me anyway. I think that outweighs the benefits of it. Then again, I have a full house and a lot of people to take care of already.

Radical Acceptance

Today I’m working on practicing radical acceptance.

Radical means all the way, complete, and total.

It is accepting in your mind, your heart, and your body.

It’s when you stop fighting reality, stop protesting because reality is not the way you want it, and let go of bitterness.

Road studs

 

Creepy coincidence

This afternoon, around 4 pm, I was walking up the hill near my house. A car pulls up next to me and it looks as if the driver may park right next to me. I got a good look at the driver and it looked exactly like Woody Allen. He had the round glasses and everything. I immediately turned around and began to walk the other direction thinking, "Is that Woody Allen...in Carlsbad, of all places?"

Coincidentally, I came home from my walk, to an empty family room, with the Woody Allen documentary, on the television. Our television is not normally on HBO. So, I felt pulled to learn more about the Woody Allen scandal, in this documentary. I don't like delving into controversial subjects on my blog. I usually stick to my mental health journey.  Child molestation is a horrendous crime, which makes this convincing documentary, especially dark. I had to eventually turn the documentary off, for the sake of my mental health, and because young eyes and ears entered the room. 

I recently made a comment about Dr. Seuss's love life, and the suicide of his first wife, on Facebook. Next thing I know, some woman whom  I never met, jumped down my throat, accusing me of being judgmental. She was advocating for the flawed, imperfect artists, who bring such great art into the world. I wonder what she would have to say about Woody Allen? I don't really want to know, which is why I blocked her. I am done trying to express myself to my Facebook friends and being attacked by random people. Thank goodness that does not happen here on Google blogger.

I have noticed one thing about my blogger posts lately. I get more page views on posts, where I actually write a lot. People come here to read what the bloggers are saying. I find that refreshing. Knowing that, I will try to write more here.

Cat life!

 

lol

A man walks into a psychiatrist office in nothing but cellophane wrap.

The doctor tells him, “I clearly see your nuts.”

My son likes to watch these videos...

It’s funny. My son likes to watch these videos of toddlers having epic meltdowns.These kids make my son look like a saint. Watching other kids misbehaving amuses him greatly. The sounds of other peoples children crying has always repelled me.  It’s unbelievable! My youngest is 10 years old and I still haven’t rid my house of screaming and tantruming ,thanks to these YouTube videos!

Get back!

 I remember listening to a band play in Isla Vista. It was a night filled with wasted opportunity. I went to see my favorite drummer and his band played this song. I started reading into their intentions and the lyrics of this song. I was not having fun. Then a girl walks by and flashes the band! She flashed my man! They probably hooked up later that night! I was angry. I started thinking that musicians are too popular with women and therefore, out of my league. I left in tears. That was the last time I saw his band play. Disastrous.

Today I am dedicating this song to the people I thought I saw and heard today. Maeve drove by me mad dogging! What is she doing here? Also, when I was walking with my Dad, I heard the abusive voice of my old acquaintance and mean stalker Tony. To these individuals I would like to say “Get back to where you once belonged,” and most importantly, “Go home!” 

Unlike yesterday, today was not a good day for awesome visions. They were quite uncool today.

Maeve: I am not going back to Santa Cruz without my man, so be forewarned!

Dr Seuss

Today I watched the news about our San Diego hometown hero, Dr. Seuss, being called out for racist imagery in 6 of his books. These were books we never had in our collection, so I never read them fortunately.  I have a hard time accepting him to be a racist. His books brought such joy to so many. Also, he is deceased now and cannot defend himself. I want to believe that he was a good man. I want to do better myself though, and be an anti racism ally.

https://www.cnn.com/2021/03/02/us/dr-seuss-books-cease-publication-trnd/index.html

Apparently, scandal is not new to Dr Seuss though. I read that his mentally-ill first wife committed suicide, after finding out that he was having an affair. Her suicide note is published on her Wikipedia page. His second wife (Audrey) was originally his mistress! I am shocked!

 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Palmer_(author)

What can I say? Doctors and genius artists have the love and respect of way too many women. It is a very competitive world and they are hot prospects for romantic partners.

No thanks!

What would a certified sex therapist and a sexual medicine specialist do during the Covid-19 quarantine?

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/amp/canada/article-another-victim-of-covid-19-sex-between-married-couples/?__twitter_impression=true

Knew: A poem

 I never quite knew

What I wanted,

Only that I never

Had it.