After the onset of my mental illness, I became medicated and felt symptom-free for years. I had similar dreams, as a woman without mental illness. I wanted to get a job and work my way up the corporate ladder. I struggled at work but I did work as an admin in the pharmaceutical industry, for a few years. I always wished for love and marriage. That has remained a constant throughout my life. In my late twenties, my biological clock started ticking and I wanted a family. I eventually met a nice guy at work, who made all my dreams come true.

My mental illness has put a wrench in my marriage numerous times. For his part, my husband never really believed that I was mentally ill. Mental illness is an invisible illness, which I hid well. His misunderstanding and lack of support for my mental illness, in part, led to our divorce. Being the super-smart chemist that he is, he thought he knew better than my psychiatrist. He mistrusted her and assumed that I was misdiagnosed. My husband and my mother wished that I would have a large family. After having three children, I knew that I was done having children and could not handle any more. This realization was a huge disappointment to my husband, as well as, my mother who told me, "You know, if I never had a fourth child, you never would have been born." Ugh! The pressure she put on me. The strange thing was that no one ever treated me as someone with a disability. They EXPECTED me to behave as everyone else did. I never had the support for my mental illness that I needed, thus leading to an eventual mental breakdown.

I have written about my divorce in the past but, fortunately, my husband and I have reconciled. I lived through personal loneliness and the suffering of my children. That is what I really want to talk about today. When Stephen and I split up, I watched my children fall apart. At first, I had custody of the children and my children would cry for their father. They missed him terribly and did not know where he was. I do not want to see the children of divorce suffer, as mine did. As much as you may hate your ex, they need to be a part of their children's lives. I believe that you need to learn how to co-parent as peacefully as possible and not speak ill of your ex. I made plenty of rash mistakes in my divorce, but after having reconciled with my husband, I see my children overjoyed and thriving. That was the best possible outcome for me and my family. I have decided to stay married to the father of my children. I feel compelled to do this. I mean, once you have children with someone, the best outcome for your children is an intact marriage, followed by a healthy friendship/co-parenting. I just feel lucky to have my family back, after a whirlwind. I don't want to end this on a preachy note, but I have inserted a link, just for the sake of the children of divorce. Please consider the feelings of your children if you are considering divorce, it could be a tremendous help to any child in this situation.

https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/kids-talk-marriage.html?WT.ac=p-ra