To Maeve’s bony, gym rat friend

 I see you. Why do you travel all the way down to Carlsbad, to be a complete bitch? You don’t have any children, so you don’t have to be a role model to anyone and you aren’t! (Or shouldn’t be) I don’t know how you fill up an entire hour long seminar talking about calorie deficit and just not eating .Anorexia is the secret to your success! There is not much to explain there. I can’t believe people hire you to explain how to achieve your thinness. Yes ,you have that blonde haired blue eyed revered stereotypical beauty, so rub it in my face! Your beauty is apparently only skin deep. If you are trying to be the model friend, keep going with that! Hold hands with the devil, until she pulls you down into the depths of hell with her! You are weirdly, a hater, as well. Trey is way cooler, better looking, and all around more attractive than your husband! You can’t handle that! You are really scratching your super-straight blonde hair right now.  Trey obviously thinks I am hotter than you, Maeve, and your manly looking friend combined. Sorry! I know that I am not jealous of you.  Your husband looks like the biggest preppy dork! Trey is way hotter! I don’t know what to say. I feel sorry for you! You have to have sex with that goofy-looking dork every day for the rest of your life! I couldn’t do that…with him! Have fun with that?!

To Maeve’s bony gym rat friends, husband:  What are you doing here really? As if I am scared of you. Why aren’t you wearing your pink polo shirt and khaki shorts? You seem as East Coast country club preppy, as Maeve does. Like how rich are you people? Feel free  take your bony wife and Maeve (not even back to Santa Cruz, but) back to the East Coast. You seem like East Coasters all the way! You actually look like you are from Maine or something. You look like a rich, ball-less man with no problem wearing pink or dressing matchy-matchy with his wife. (Like they all do on the East Coast) You are a man, right? Can you explain to me, why you came down to Carlsbad and what do have to say to me? What is your plan here besides being fucked up and trying to scare me? Scaring me would be impossible for you, though. Get a life, really! Don’t you have a job or a golf game you have to get to?

Matteo: Yes, she gives little pep talks to people so they can lose weight by not eating. You should attend one of her seminars! What are you waiting for?