It’s not my fault…

 To all the people feeling brave and trying to humiliate me by pulling on their own under chin fat, while driving past me, it’s not my fault! It’s not my fault that you are ugly. It’s not my fault that you are involuntarily celibate. It’s not my fault that your wife cheated on you or left you for someone rich, good looking, nice, and just all around better than you! I mean, can you blame her? Since when did I become the scapegoat for everyone else’s failed marriages? I don’t apologize for feeling that someone else’s husband is my “one that got away” and for being upset over it. He obviously feels the same way, because he is here now, and not in Santa Cruz with Maeve. He was the one who started appearing here to tempt me and to send me some sort of message. (That no one believed was real)  He started it, by checking on me here and trying to get my attention. I never once traveled to Santa Cruz to do that. I don’t care what you think truly, but who are you to judge? I don’t know these people at all. They are complete strangers who are looking at me with hate in their eyes and mocking me. I am funnier than you, though. If it weren’t so unexpected, it wouldn’t be so frustrating. I never saw that man with the ugly, dirty, flat, mousy brown hair until he started shit with me today. It’s on though! You are ugly in my book!  You are just an ugly incel with misogynistic hate in your head and in your cold heart! I hope women continue to reject your sexual advances! I wish you a lifetime filled with sexual rejection and masturbation, as your only sexual outlet!!

My Sprouts La Costa adventure today

 I do wonder if local Latino people read my blog and despise what I am writing here. I get dirty looks all the time from Latinos, but I actually have since I moved to Carlsbad in 1999. This was before I started having issues with Maeve and before I wrote my book or started this blog. This is just the way it is. I feel racial tension here in Carlsbad that other people may not notice or care about at all. I used to shop at a Ralph’s, by my parents house, and I thought everyone who worked there hated me, well they were jealous of me, for sure. I remember when I got engaged, I went grocery shopping for the first time, wearing my engagement ring, and this Latin woman who worked there but was never friendly to me, grabbed my hand to get a closer look at my ring, and she made some comment which only came across as weird and jealous.  I went shopping there with my sister once. I told her that no employee there had ever been friendly to me. She said, “Of course they aren’t. They work at Ralph’s. They hate their job and their life.” It was shockingly rude to say that, while they were in earshot, but it’s true nevertheless. I don’t think you are required to be cordial, much less friendly, while working as a cashier or bagger at certain grocery stores. 

Today I got so much jealous energy, by basically every employee, at Sprouts La Costa. I know there are cameras everywhere. Is anyone going to check the employees on their attitude problem? Who hired them and do the employees ever get disciplined for rudeness to customers? I wonder. I also thought I heard a female employee call me a bitch as I left? Employees are going to push me as far as they can, if they think they can get away with it.  I feel like, I don’t give off Karen vibes (although they do) so I won’t blow my stack in public or even speak to the manager. Therein lies the problem. I look somewhat Latin or more Italian really and possibly I look rich/spoiled to people . That bothers people who see me as someone somewhat Latin but much more well off financially. Oh well! I can’t control their jealousy. It is what it is. It’s disappointing because I feel so much cooler than the more white, entitled folks, but instead of appreciating that I am not hassling them over anything, they take out their jealous aggression on me. It sucks, but I am used to it. It trips me out that people take jobs in La Costa when they actually despise wealthy, white people, even the ones not making waves for them or giving them bad vibes.

OK, no one wants my two cents on professionalism when, as of this year, I have not worked professionally for 20 years, but I thought it was a given that people were supposed to hide their hatred of their job, the customers there, and life, in general, to remain employed. You can’t bring your problems and bad attitude to work, but I guess if everyone else at your work is in cahoots with you, you can get away with it? There is a joke about using a fake voice for customer service jobs and I would prefer an obviously fake, friendly and professional customer service voice/attitude than what I get at certain stores. I still love Gelsons though, as I know they appreciate my business and everyone there is polite, pleasant, and just genuinely nice.

I don’t appreciate the hate here in Carlsbad/Encinitas

 All these people hate me here in San Diego! All these adults are acting like schoolyard bullies. Like Rver Phoenix once said in Stand By Me, “I want to go someplace where nobody knows me.”  I should move back to huge overpopulated Los Angeles, where everyone is far more concerned with celebrities and pretty people than me. I hate being locally notorious. Does everyone know me and my stor,y? Because I have no clue who these people are who are driving past me and trying to upset me and break my confidence? No one thinks super highly of me here in Carlsbad . Am I a running joke right now? Yes I have a double chin but why are equally ugly on the inside and out people pointing out my double chin, my biggest physical insecurity to me?  San Diego has a fat shaming fat phobia problem of epidemic proportions! But the insecure people who are pointing out my double chin while they drive by, are equally unattractive to me. Give me a second to find something to make fun of your appearance.  I’m sure I can think of something pretty quick, whether it’s your face, body, or the hoopty you are driving, I will find something easily. The women who are participating in this are jealous haters and the men are ugly broke losers who I would never look twice at anyway. I deflect your evil energy back to you and you deserve it , “oh, pee-ons and minions of Maeve!”

Courtesy of “Matteo”

 I found this beautiful picture on “Matteo’s” Instagram stories. At first I thought you wish you found this woman at the top of a mountain, although she looks a bit hungry to me. He’s a pig for not caring in the slightest about that.

Upon further review, I see the true beauty in this photograph, as she is very much the female version of the very handsome, attractive man we are fighting over. I see the appeal here. He looks beautiful in the nude, as well. The thought of climbing a mountain with Trey is motivating and appealing, for sure! One day hopefully “Trey” and I can go hiking together in complete solitude, without being stalked by prying eyes. I am dreaming of you, Trey Sanders! Our time will hopefully come soon. So maybe I am a biter in that way. It should have been me with this beautiful specimen of a man all along, as he told me he was in love with me first!

Food for thought

 https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8zpvCTIwE3/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Lest you forget…

 

I was born and raised in California. California girls and women don’t have one specific look, as California is multicultural. It’s always out-of-towners and transplants who assume that all Californians are blonde and beachy. Many transplants, including Maeve, move here to play out that role to their folks back home, who don’t know any better. It is not me who is the biter/poser.  Maeve and her paid CrossFit trainer friends are trying so hard to be California cool. Leigh is a sorority girl through and through still paying for her friends, long after college. You and your overly juiced, lesbian lovers can go to hell. It is Maeve, who is biting the style of a California stereotype. I was smitten with hippie culture and attracted to surfers my whole life as they were all around me, having grown up on the California coast so you can go to hell. Keith obviously found someone who reminded him a little bit of me, but it’s just not the same. I know Leigh and her idiot gymrat friends and witchy family already hate me. You are fooling no one “sweet” Maeve. You are a cutthroat competitive sorority Bitch through and through. Its war!

Our weird high efficiency clothes washer

 I have noticed a pattern with our clothes washer. It occasionally doesn’t work for me. I am completely unable to start it. It’s frustrating to ask for Stephen’s help to get it to start.

Today, as I was struggling to start the washer, I had an epiphany! My clothes washer is definitely a she/her. This confirmed to me yet again why I still haven’t thrown in the towel with men and most likely will not ever. Excuse for me sounding a bit pick me/musogynistic, but males are so much easier to start up. You gently brush past them, push against them gently and you’re on your way. Females are so much work! You have to touch them all over repeatedly, ,trying to figure out the pattern to get them going. I have to struggle and struggle to get her/my clothes washer going . It’s so frustrating. It know it’s just going to take as long as it takes. Sometimes, it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I mean I don’t think I personally have that problem though.  If I am with an equally skilled partner who I am attracted to, I too will react and enjoy myself.  This predicament signifies to me how much I appreciate the beautiful simplicity of turning men on.