Saturday evening May 28, 2022

 Maeve: Quit looking at my Instagram page! I don’t use that account. We are not a family anymore, thanks to you. You are a home wrecker so be forewarned   You have nothing better to do on a Saturday night than snoop through my social media profiles. Get a life! What are you planning on doing about Trey Sanders? You are hacking up a lung tonight. That’s very attractive. We are hexing you to spiral into COVID, long Covid preferably. With any luck at all, you will remain sick and too weak to pursue my man. I  hope you enjoy coughing up your phlegm! Nasty! Be forewarned.

Valentina: You are nasty! Be forewarned! Spreading your germs at a nice Mexican restaurant like Cocina Del Charro got you in hot water with us tonight. Not cool at all. Stay home and wear a mask. It would hide your double chin anyway.

Matteo: I am not helping you write a blog post but I am hexing you. Out of respect for my people, wear a mask when you enter a Mexican restaurant or better yet, stay home if you are sick. Covid karma is coming your way so be forewarned.

Go mom!

 https://nypost.com/2022/05/26/texas-school-shooting-cops-handcuffed-mom-before-she-ran-in-to-get-her-kids/amp/

On Tuesday an employee at my son’s school said that “it’s just  another day in paradise.” I sort of gasped because I may have had a premonition of what might happen that day. The employee Julio has the best attitude about his work and life. I know that if anything happened at our school he would be a hero because he cares about the kids and others there.

Carlsbad has beautiful trees to enjoy

 Here I am soaking up the sunshine and hiding in the shade of a backyard tree.

Matteo: If you are wondering if you have cameltoe in these pictures, I hate to be the one to tell you this,  but you definitely do. You will be a laughingstock once people see this, so be forewarned.

Let’s cry some more today

 https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cdd4DQGlec5/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Watch this video! It is very heartwarming! This reminds me of my father!

A drum line?

Maybe it’s just coincidence but I feel that Fate works in mysterious ways. I was at a high school orientation for my daughter today. The friendliest woman there struck up a conversation with me. We were watching the school marching band practice and socialize after school. The woman commented to me, “Where’s the drummer? They don’t have a drummer?” I looked back at her and said, “I agree. Every band needs a drummer.” A good marching band should always have a drum line. The men standing there looked at us like we were crazy though., as if they couldn’t imagine it and as if it’s never been done before. Weird. I love drummers so it made me think of Trey.

On the depressing side, the teacher speaking today at the high school mentioned that he graduated from the very same high school that he is teaching at in 2014. I thought to myself “what a youngster!” Was 2014 a long time ago? That was a terrible year for me because I decided to leave Stephen. I thought Trey was pursuing me and planning on leaving his wife in Santa Cruz. Both assumptions were untrue and totally shattered the life I was living. It is now 2022 and we are no further along in the process. I guess I should embrace my life and relish the abundant amount of time that I have right now to love nurture and live in the same house as my three beautiful blessed children.  I am loving that right now. But any time someone mentions the year 2014 I always get weirded out.

Ban the sale of assault weapons in the United States please

 https://mobile.twitter.com/kaitlancollins/status/1529617687894274048?s=20&t=4v3-BMF3F9R4v-Go9eb8Ug

I was told that I need to increase the dosage of my anxiety medication today. I don’t think that is the solution. I am afraid to send my children to school because of all these mass shootings. No one needs an assault rifle.

A summer idea

Maeve: You need to calm down. You are shooting for physical perfection when you are so far from it! You will never achieve perfection! You will never be beautiful! You know what? I know what you are thinking of doing, before you do it. That is the beauty of Santeria. You have messed up your body so badly with your eating and your antipsychotic and your many plastic surgery fails. I hope that you get liposuction under your chin, so that you mangle your appearance even more. You can’t undo bad plastic surgery, so have at it! I will ridicule you every step of your recovery and having to wear that lame looking  chin strap for 7 days. I can’t wait for you to sign on for that procedure and to watch you fail in your aesthetic goal. You will certainly end up more disappointed than before, aside from wasting thousands of dollars. This will be an all-around win-win for me and be pointless for you. You have no one to look good for anyway. Trey is my husband. Quit trying to look good for him! He is going nowhere with you, so be forewarned!

Matteo: Yeah! Bring on the pain and the hilarious chin strap! We will be watching you and hexing you the entire time. We will be hexing your doctor too! An unsteady hand and a distracted doctor is what we pray for. At the very least, we will be commenting on your summer surgery nightmare and harassing you the entire time. You can bank on that. Be forewarned!

Joke of the day

I gained so much weight on Zyprexa that I had to stop going to the beach.

Seaworld kept trying to tow me back into the ocean.

It should have been me!

 I mean it could have been me…sailing on that boat. Things would have been drastically different though. I still have never been sailing. 

Inspirational!

 https://abc7news.com/uc-berkeley-cal-graduation-nonspeaking-autism-graduates-david-teplitz/11870714/

This is such an exciting inspirational story especially for me, as a mother of children with Autism.

 

Delusions

Don’t worry about my lingering delusions 

Reality hits

Once in awhile 

…And it stings!

 

Best I Ever Had

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9wrUeZN9HBs

When Matteo speaks, his voice kind of sounds like Drake to me which isn’t half bad. This song is definitely not dedicated to him though.

Escapism

 https://personalexcellence.co/blog/escapism/

I think the biggest thing that I tried to escape in life  was falling madly in love and moving to Santa Cruz with my college sweetheart. I ran like hell away and married someone who didn’t scare me so much. He wasn’t perfect looking smart sweet. He was more like me. Average looking and a transplant to San Diego. I never looked like classic California. Trey did though. Mr Wonderful made my knees wobbly and my heart race. It ultimately took someone braver smarter and more self confident to land  my Dr Trey Sanders. Also people would really trip out if I landed a doctor husband. Everyone would be sooo jealous. I had enough of a hassle marrying a scientist. Sheesh! But with him it is like no sweat. I don’t have to spend my life in the gym or starve myself or try to be a fashionista to keep my in real life partner. Mrs Sanders is probably sweating right now over the thought of losing him to some other woman. Be very afraid! Ah well! Not my problem!!

Maeve: You forgot to mention that I am actually very ambitious and beautiful. I also sent him racy pics unlike you who dressed in huge flannels and dickies pants with doc martens in college. Ick! No wonder you lost him to me! He wanted someone actually feminine. 

Matteo: Hilarious style and you wonder why he was never that into you. It’s like the book He’s just not that into you. Pick up a copy soon. Read it and weep. Be forewarned!

Exes (a poem)

Kudos to my exes

Who got out while they could.

Saving themselves from pairing up with 

An extremely mentally ill and frigid “housewife”

Feeling good on a Saturday night

 I enjoyed my pina colada & family at Casa de Bandini!

Mothering with schizophrenia

 https://psychcentral.com/blog/podcast-mothering-with-schizophrenia

This is an interesting podcast because the woman speaking is schizoaffective and recently had a baby. She also speaks of her troubles openly on YouTube. She has received some pushback for having a biological child when she is living with mental illness. 

I had a very different experience because my family and I kept my mental illness a secret. Only my psychiatrist warned me against getting married and having children. Most people with extreme mental illness do not do that. I felt much pressure to be like my siblings and extended family so I ignored my psychiatrist and went ahead with marriage and child rearing. My growing children have Autism and one of my daughters may have some mental health issues as well. They are the sweetest children though and I see them as blessings. I can’t look back with regret. I am trying my best to deal with the cards that I have been dealt.  

Anyway I sometimes feel envy of people who become public figures and the face of mental illness. But this woman seems to be a good advocate so I approve of what she is saying. I don’t like talking about my mental illness that much in person anyway. I prefer to write or blog about it instead.

Song of the day

 I found this song in a video montage of my children on an iPad today. I thought it was sweet because of the lyrics “ I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger.” I thought it was mostly about growing older but it’s more about growing bitter with age. I guess I can relate to that too. 

 

Thinking of you

 https://www.theinertia.com/opinion/the-california-local-is-becoming-a-thing-of-the-past/?fbclid=IwAR0asYc_4xrcuFOi7LcX8_b0TzKQUrciHPQJ1g32LqaEzl7Yw5zZelLcchQ&utm_source=spotim&utm_medium=spotim_recirculation&spot_im_redirect_source=pitc

This story reminds me of you for some reason. I could have stayed on my medication and kept my marriage in tact. But you kept coming down to Carlsbad and creeping around me. I already had love, 3 beautiful children, and we bought a house that we could have paid off, close to now. My husband made great money and we could have owned outright that beautiful 3000 square foot house which was 2 blocks from the beach by now. I left all that, positive that you were coming to rescue me and support me, like Stephen did. I was wrong. That was 2013 I believe. This is 2022 and we are renting now. I don’t care that much. I am back with my children and we are close. But I keep seeing you driving past me again. You will not fool me twice because I am going nowhere with you and I know this by now. Are we going to spend our whole lives just looking at each other? I could remain angry with you and myself. It comes and it goes and that’s probably the way my feelings will be forever  regarding you. Forever mad about you!

Flat (a poem)

My affect is flat

My body is fat

My medication does more harm than good

I hear more voices than I should 

When I see him, I sigh

I often wonder why 

I think it is written in the inlay of my medication “Common side effects: Removes at least one dimension in life”.

I stole that joke from a friend  lol

 

Zero (a poem)

I feel I need a

Normie husband , or

A lottery win to cope.

Odds on either are zero.

I thought I saw Robert Plant yesterday. I was probably hallucinating. Many people living with mental illness stay in dysfunctional, even abusive relationships, to avoid a life on the streets. Could I really do better in this life? I know that I could do worse. I was talking about all the 50+ musicians that I crush on and hallucinate. Someone told me to shoot for even older like Ozzy Osbourne, as he looks like he is about to drop dead.  That would be like winning the lottery, if he even left me anything. Anyway, my dreams take me far away from reality. I am lucky to have what I have and be where I am at in life. I remember a quote from Jerry Garcia about mental illness.

I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.-Jerry Garcia

That’s me living comfortably with my scientist domestic partner, when the alternative is trying to make it on my own/living in poverty.

The person who wrote this poem was a man. They have it tougher I think. They need a partner who can support them financially, as they can’t work. That’s usually a dealbreaker unless you randomly luck out. I think that is the point of his poem. 

My walk today

 So I was walking up my street in Carlsbad, California when, out of the midst,  appears the one and only, Robert Plant. He drives past me, his ocean blue eyes focus on me for a few seconds, as he passes by. I was even listening to Led Zeppelin’s “Since I’ve Been Loving You!” I wonder if he is in San Diego on a vacation? He literally just drove past me in my neighborhood! On the other hand, I could definitely have hallucinated the whole thing. In either case, it was so awesome!! This is just too much! I also thought I saw John Frusciante and of course 😍 Trey Sanders! Yup I am definitely hallucinating! Day dreams of the best kind!! 💕 

Pre-Mother’s Day Treehugging

 

 

Being strung along vs. remaining with my truest friend

 I tried to live my life in a way that I would avoid falling so deeply in love that my heart would ultimately shatter in a million pieces one day. They say everyone suffers a broken heart at some point in their life. Knowing that, I chose a life partner who is more of a good friend than anything. He has been my best friend/confidante/listening ear/advice giver going on 20 years now. No one ever wanted to date me in high school, college and beyond college, when I moved to San Diego. So I settled down with my best and only friend.

But wait…some shy guy from college days begs to differ. He tries to screw up my direction all the time, showing up in Carlsbad and reminding me that he did/does have feelings for me. Why bother if you are never going to leave your wife? To string me along and confuse me and break my heart over and over and over again!

Enjoy spending time with your mother!

 Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers!

I guess the naked photo shoot in Bali was a bad idea.

 https://www.yahoo.com/news/russian-tourist-posed-naked-700-222347835.html

Partners (a poem)

Some people might

Make good partners

But won’t let you try them out.

Inconsiderate.

*A male friend wrote this but as a woman I see men trying to test drive women all the time. Then they dump them when they tire of that woman or find a better more sparkly younger woman.

May is Mental health awareness month

 https://www.amazon.com/Voices-Danielle-Flore/dp/0692956964/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=3OBJY3G5COTEE&keywords=the+voices+Danielle+Flore&qid=1651880727&s=falkor&sprefix=the+voices+danielle+flore%2Caps%2C139&sr=1-1-catcorr

As it is (May) Mental Health Awareness month, I am posting a link to my story about living with schizoaffective disorder. Please check it out! 

Maeve: We all know your book is filled with the same nonsense you spew on this blog. Your book is filled with outrageous lies where you accuse innocent people of hexing you and causing your voices. Ridiculous! The more, you promote your book, the worse off you are. If anyone figures out who you are talking about and comes after us, you are up shits creek without a paddle. Be forewarned!

Barely schizophrenic

 https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-brunswick/matthew-dickson-schizophrenia-amy-burns-mental-illness-1.6439240

We were reading this article that was shared on schizophrenia.com and I am feeling a certain way about it. This man is claiming to be diagnosed schizophrenic but he doesn’t have any hallucinations or delusions. Lucky guy. That is pretty weird though. How did he get this diagnosis and become the face of schizophrenia? I don’t want to be publicly schizophrenic really so why am I feeling envious that he is getting 15 minutes of fame and kudos for being well spoken and put together when he doesn’t have a serious case of schizophrenia?

Celebrating Cinco de Mayo

Maeve: Cinco de Mayo. Do you even know what you are celebrating? I thought you were racist, gringo! By the way, you should take that picture down where we can see your “man hands!” Be forewarned!

Valentina: What a joke about Cinco de Mayo. You are strikingly ignorant and are using this as an excuse to day drink. Be forewarned! We are going to sue you for slander, despite the fact, that you have changed our names in your accusatory blog. Just wait and see.

Matteo: You actually have a friend there. Good for you. We needed proof for your loner ass!

Change

I dwell on the negative 

I dream of a better life

I need to make a change 

What could I change that would make a great positive impact?

Let’s change romantic partners!

That sounds wonderful!

But with every life change, comes bad consequences 

Not only for me, but for everyone who surround me

I am too afraid to make a change 

The reality of it all is troubling 

Maybe leave my life as it is

And avoid any more bad juju 

Peace

Live your quiet peace 

Spend time working in nature

Sow the seeds of love

Maeve: Live your quiet peace? oh like the nun you are and aspire to be. It’s too late for all that now. See you in hell!

Funny TikTok

 https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTdbpggmM/

Tomorrow (a haiku)

love like tomorrow 

forget yesterdays sorrows

like past days gone by.

 

Who needs to hear this?

 https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdqon8Sp/

Maeve: Ha ha ha! Great TikTok video! You are the hoe in this scenario. Be forewarned!

Matteo: You think that you are so funny, sharing these bizarre TikTok videos. You have the attention span of a three year old, so be forewarned. Look I am not making fun of you. You are! These jokes are floating around in the far corners of your mind. I am just bringing them to your attention. Don’t blame your offensive and juvenile jokes on me, or else there will be more Santeria in store for you. Be forewarned! No seriously, just accept that you screwed up your own brain doing drugs. It wasn’t your “nemesis” or her family that did that.

Maeve: Wishing you an empty Mother’s Day!!

This guy is awesome!

 https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTdqWwgnP/

He speaks the truth! It takes two people to text! I am not initiating a text or receiving any so why am I getting beat up here? There is no romantic cheating texting relationship happening. There is no relationship.