The Voices

My short story available on Amazon Kindle!

The Voices

Authored by Danielle Flore

List Price: $6.00

5" x 8" (12.7 x 20.32 cm) 
Black & White on White paper
68 pages

Danielle Flore Publishing
ISBN-13: 978-0692956960 (Custom Universal)
ISBN-10: 0692956964
BISAC: Fiction / Psychological,
Fiction / Suspense,
Fiction / Thrillers

<p> Chiara Marino, a quiet youngster, had a normal childhood in a devoutly Catholic home but eventually became frustrated by her restraints. In college, though, everything changes—for the better, Chiara believes. </p>

<p> Things begin to go awry when she meets Trey Sanders. Trey is everything she wants in a boyfriend—but he isn’t interested, wishing to remain nothing more than acquaintances. Heartbroken, Chiara loves him from afar. And Trey’s voice never leaves her—literally. </p>

<p> After graduation, Chiara begins hearing Trey’s voice in her head. But instead of the sweet drummer she remembers, this Trey is cruel and vicious. And this is just the beginning. A host of voices emerge to torment this young woman at every turn, wreaking psychological havoc. Is she going insane? </p>

<p> Chiara believes that every voice leads back to Trey and his new wife. Trey seems happy in his marriage, but Chiara doesn’t trust the woman by his side, believing her to be a follower of Santeria who is using black magic to speak to Chiara privately in her mind. </p>

<p> As Chiara slips deeper and deeper into the world of the supernatural, she starts to lose control. What is real? Can she find her way out of this disturbing labyrinth? </p>

This is not just another attempt to try and make my blog cool or to get you to watch one of my favorite videos. There is actually a story here. Basically, I think I wrote this song. It may merely be another delusion of mine. I am originally from Los Angeles, where entertainment industry magic happens. In 1998, I was over at some dudes apartment in Brentwood and started goofing around with his piano. The windows were wide open and who knows who was listening. It was a rough draft of what Slither would later become but still Velvet Revolver stole it from me. Where are my royalties? Idea theft is rampant in the Music Industry! Slash credited Scott Weiland for the Catholic-ish tone of the lyrics. I call B.S. But no one will ever believe me because I am delusional and I am not a trained musician. Oh well! They really needed a hit at the time obviously!

So I went to the Encinitas Street Fair today and I did not hear any voices. I did not hear or see anything too suspicious. I made sure to take my Xanax beforehand and we went early before the crowds got there. My friend and I joked that "Oh yes it's ladies morning and it feels alright!"  There were a lot of vendors there and we looked at some beautiful jewelry but didn't buy any. We also saw CBD oil vendors and wondered what it would be like to walk around with CBD oil on. "My skin feels sooo good!" I joked. We saw this booth giving Spiritual Readings from two non-denominational Christian ladies. I sat down anticipating that I would get some definite psychic feedback and was slightly disappointed. The first lady asked me what was going on in my life today? I admitted that I was schizophrenic and apprehensive about coming to the Street Fair for fear that I would get paranoid and hear voices. She did say a very nice prayer over me. She also told me that she sensed that I was intuitive. When I admitted to feeling premonitions at times, she told me that God trusts me and that is why he speaks to me and tells me things in advance. She also told me that people misunderstand me a lot and that they do not realize that I am special. I appreciated hearing her take on my situation. That was a nice thing to say. The second lady told me that she sensed that I was very patient and had been waiting for something to happen for a long time. Did I mention that the readings were free? I did not have to pay or join their church. We just exchanged an energy. It was cool. 

This is a great throwback, but I don't really miss anyone from the past! I am happy now!

I do believe heartbreak, after college, helped trigger my mental illness though. Thanks for nothing! It was pretty bad.

I feel blessed that when I mentally broke down in 2014, I only traveled domestically. Considering the voices in my head were Venezuelan, I very easily could have ended up stranded in Venezuela. I have family in Arizona, where I ran out of gas. After reading this article, I am reminded that things could have been much worse.



http://www.hackneygazette.co.uk/news/health/hackney-mother-s-anguish-as-agencies-wash-hands-of-son-with-paranoid-schizophrenia-who-broke-down-in-dominican-republic-1-5492660

This video also reminds me of my psychotic break.  Remember the time I drove out to the desert without my wallet & ran out of gas? I will never forget that. 

I learned, during my trip, that it is illegal to drive without a license.  I am very lucky I was not arrested. The police stayed far away from me. They were actually no help to me in Arizona. It is not like I didn't try to call them for help. I remember telling the dispatcher that my house was being hexed and that my car ran out of gas. She told me to call AAA and hung up on me. Also, in Arizona, they do not allow you to get money wired to you without proper ID/driver's license. Arizona must be the worst place in America to get stranded without your wallet.

I will quote another writer, Rebecca Chamaa, when I say, " I don't completely trust the mind I have been given - it has deserted me before." I really identified with that statement. When I had a major psychotic episode in 2014, I had deserted my medication regimen. Next, I deserted my life completely and drove out to the desert. Before, during, and months after my trip to the desert, my mind deserted me. The voices in my head told me to get up in the middle of the night and drive aimlessly until I ran out of gas in Gila Bend, AZ. Tired and delusional, I found myself stuck in Arizona with no money to eat, sleep, or get home. I relied on a kind shopkeeper for a phone to call my family who came to my rescue. The kind stranger in Arizona also gave me $20 to eat. Arizona is a beautiful state and now that I am stable, I really want to go back and visit. This video reminds me of the beauty in Arizona that I was not focused on during my last road trip there.

Someone asked the question today, "Do you think understimulation triggers psychosis?" From my expererience, boredom and quiet can trigger psychosis. If you are an unmedicated or treatment-resistant schizophrenic, having nothing to do and no one to talk to can trigger psychosis. But it is a situation where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Whether you are bored to tears or super stressed, you are going to hear voices. Any extreme is bad for us. I personally get triggered when I am overstimulated. If I am stressed out, or in a large crowd of people, I can start hearing voices. When I hear too many conversations going on at once, it can trigger my internal voices.

This weekend, my friends want to go to a bustling, local, street fair. It sounds like fun. I want to go with them. However, I do expect to hear voices and I plan to take a Xanax (in addition to my antipsychotic) beforehand.  I really do not know what to expect this weekend. The last two times I went to fairs, I heard voices the entire time. It really ruined the fun day I had anticipated. In the end, the stress of the large crowds, finding parking, and navigating the fair had me anxious to leave. After a stressful excursion like that, it can take hours to quiet the voices. I will keep you posted on my experiences at the Street Fair this weekend. I am hoping and praying for a day free of voices!

Someone told me today that they sort of miss some of their delusions. (ie the ones about having secret admirers) I replied, "I take Vraylar and my delusions never really went away. I still think people are in love with me. I still think I have stalkers. I see these people when I am driving around town. I still think that I have haters who are out to get me. The voices have calmed down, for the most part, but they always revisit me on stressful days and out of the blue. I haven’t forgotten how bad my voices and delusions were when I went off my meds. I know that I need to continue taking my meds, but in terms of my delusions, nothing has disappeared or diminished. There are no delusions that I miss because nothing has been resolved there."

I watched Mean Girls for 20 minutes tonight and got ill. Lindsey Lohan's character called her love interest "Regina's property." OMG my psychosis is taken straight from Mean Girls or I am really being hexed. I am 43 and dislike that movie because it reminds me too much of high school. It is also drives me away from female friendships, which is sad. I shouldn't be afraid of other females. Because I am 43 and the movie did not rock my world necessarily, I do not know why these foreign, younger voices haunt me. Leigh is a mean girl. She probably loves that movie and quotes it constantly. At least, her internal voice quotes Mean Girls. It is scary and hellish. Leigh, Esteban, and Federica are all about 10 years younger than me. They are from the Mean Girls generation (the Millennials) and probably do quote that movie in real life.

I was woke up the other night by two external male voices. They sounded like they were in my front yard. One of them said, "No...she will call 911." You guessed it guys! I would do that.

At least I waited until after 4/20 to be your buzzkill. I keep finding all this BS on Facebook about marijuana. Cures cancer? Grows brain cells? Now I won’t dare claim alcohol is good for you, but some of those claims about marijuana are made up. Also, anti depressants (like SSRI’s etc) are their own class of drug. Marijuana is not in that class. Dumb/inaccurate picture poster thing. They forgot to mention triggers psychosis. Oh, and yes marijuana has been the culprit of plenty of auto deaths, so there’s that too.

Someone asked me today, "What was your funniest delusion?" The conversation veered towards funny delusions in the psych ward, involving the food there. I have a similar story, although I don't know how funny it is. The voices told me, when I entered the cafeteria, that Tony Hawk created and approved the menu there. They kept talking about Tony Hawk and assured me that the food was really good in the hospital. The food was ok, I guess.  I think the voices really wanted me to eat and get fat, which happened anyway, due to my antipsychotic.

When I was unmedicated, the voices would goof on me and build me up, only to tear me down later. I paced a lot. When I was walking, the voices would speak to me like I was on the red carpet or something. They would ask me who I was wearing, as if it was some expensive couture or something. I was usually in a tee shirt and jeans from TJ Maxx or something. Actually my tee shirt is from TJ Maxx, my jeans are from the Gap, and I am wearing Flojos flip flops. Thank you very much. LOL

At one point, the voices told me that Keith was coming to pick me up in an invisible car so we could drive off into the sunset together. I got dressed up and waited outside. He never showed up. I wasted a lot of time waiting for him to show up at my house and pick me up for our first real date.

For the most part, my delusions took on a more frightening tone and were nothing to laugh about. I thought I was being hexed and chased and choked. I would be home with a butter knife, the only weapon I had, waiting for the intruder to materialize. Those fears drove me to call the police over 5 times in two months, which is how I ended up in the psych ward. I guess I can thank the police for getting me to the hospital, where I got the help I needed.

I read this article today and it reminded me of my last psychotic break. The voices in my head were threatening me and calling me a homewrecker for messaging Keith on Facebook. I wish I never did that. It revealed my worst fear. I came across a website that is a MAJOR fear of mine. In discussing this, I hope to face my fear. I do not condone extra-marital affairs or this messed up website that popped up in response to them. The voices in my head told me that they were going to post my name and picture on a horrible website. As it turns out, there is such a website . I remember calling members in my family to scan the internet to see if my name was listed on this site. I was too scared to look myself.  Considering I never had an affair or stole anyone's husband, it appears that I am safe for now.


**I got my first page view from Kenya this week! Hello from America!!