Score: One real wrapped Christmas present

 Christmas 2021 from my good friend Holly

Winter rose

 Mother Nature!

Allowed (a poem)

I wish I’d

Been allowed

To lead a

Different life

I asked the gods

To lead me

Into a better life.

I’ve been led on.

A day on schizophrenia.com

My response to him:

 

Perfect (A poem)

Finding the perfect partner

Is like finding

The perfect song,

It’s great at first. 

Even in a perfect situation where you are “trading up” to a better looking, sweeter, smarter, perhaps wealthier mate, no relationship is without problems. After the initial infatuation wears off, do you end up with more problems? Second marriages seem more stressful and less fun and innocent than first marriages, especially when children are involved. I don’t want anymore children! I am too old for that! Am I destined to be single for the rest of my life?

Warning: I am thinking too much

I am still filled with anger at the torture you have put me through.  I am taking to Trey, that guy from college who keeps “stalking” me, for lack of a better word. This is the story of a girl who graduated from UCSB and shortly after found herself in Carlsbad. I had recently been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, went on medication, and gained a ton of weight. I didn’t know anyone here and initially hated Carlsbad. The people seemed unfriendly and it felt like culture shock from LA, where I grew up. The surfers were territorial. I couldn’t even take a walk on the beach. I basically went into hiding at my parents house. I would get day drunk to pass the time. I thought I was being spyed on by this one shy guy from college that I liked and I would always bump into him, although it never resulted in much. Years go by and I developed a psychotic delusion that this man loved me and wanted to marry me. When nothing would come of his drive-bys, I grew restless and didn’t wait for him. When someone actually showed a little kindness to me in Carlsbad, I took advantage of the situation. I realized that I wanted to get married and start a family. So I did that with my one and only friend , at the time.  

I thought that marriage plus turning up the dosage of my medication would solve the problem. It didn’t. I still see Trey here and there. I don’t know why, as he posts photos of his happily married life in Santa Cruz, all over social media. In 2014, after having three kids, the teasing and torment, got the best of me. Every time that I left my house, I would see him and he looked so cute and interested in me that the delusion and hallucination told me that he came all this way for me because he loved me. He was here and he loved me and wanted to rescue me, somehow to a better life. Ultimately I left my husband, wonderful family, and big house for a hallucination that still hasn’t left his wife…and probably won’t. I probably shouldn’t be angry at the actual person. Who knows if he has any feelings or intentions for me anyway. I guess I am still confused.

I’m already dating myself.  Oh…Skid Row with Guns N Roses. lol 

My new profile picture

 Pretty much sums it up!

Prayer to St. Michael

Maeve: St. Michael? That is Trey’s middle name. You keep sending indirect messages to my husband through your public postings here and I hate you for it, so be forewarned. You have a lot of nerve stalking us on social media the way you have for years now,. Be forewarned! So, what else do you know about me, that you can use against me? This is why we are hexing you and you deserve every bit of it, so be forewarned! Ha! Looks like your prayer to St. Michael didn’t work! I am still here hexing you! And Santeria trumps Catholicism…again!

Your wife is a witch (a country song)

I have to tell you a little secret 

I’ve been keepin’

And I’m finally going to let you in on it here

There’s something very peculiar in your midst 

And let me tell you what it is

It’s that you’re wife is a witch 

Can’t you tell she’s a witch?

Oh how I wonder 

If you know 

What she does 

On the “down low”

You may love your younger babe

But her skull collection should’ve been a dead giveaway 

You see, she has a secret pastime 

She spends her private moments hexing 

I mean, she really prays to evil spirits daily 

She also curses me out telepathically 

She must summon the devil frequently 

With the help of her other witch family 

Their about to throw me wide awake in a ditch 

For being the “other bitch “

Did you know that they sit around plotting 

And also cursing and watching

Through a black magic portal 

She picked up somewhere in her travels

You will probably never see

How she is keeping you from me

And certainly if you ever left 

You would feel her unbridled wrath 

The problems for both of us would grow bigger 

So I am minding my own business 

And keeping this truth hidden 

Out of love for you

I am focusing on my own life

To save you from the hurricane called “your wife”

But your wife, she’s a witch 

Can’t you tell she’s a witch?

Oh how I wonder 

If you know 

What she does 

On the “down low”

Matteo: You rang? Maeve’s a witch? So, what are you? That’s a great idea. Let’s throw her in a ditch! Bury her alive, like in the movies! Don’t hold your breath for anyone to sing this! Your ambition is laughable. Be forewarned!

 

Christmas Day 2021

While browsing Facebook, for everyone’s Christmas holiday photos, a voice chimes in.

Valentina: You are dreading the new holiday photo from Maeve and Trey. Maeve’s photos irritate and upset you, as your thoughts and actions irritate and upset us! Be forewarned! You are Maeve’s arch rival, so we hate you and we are working, as a team, against you! Be forewarned.

Me: Why does Maeve need your help? Are you all idiots? If there were a true and undeniable love happening between them, that would be the end of the story. 

Valentina: We are not idiots. You don’t understand a thing about magic. There is strength in numbers and that is all I will say about that. There is a real and active love relationship happening between both Maeve and her husband, Trey. You are just too stupid to see it and too stubborn to accept it! Be forewarned! Merry UnChristmas to you!

Merry Christmas!

 

Say cheese!

 

Framer! lol

 Millie merely tolerates me. No she is a total love bug actually!

1/2 ( a poem)

Having to put in

Twice the effort

To get 1/2 the results

Wears you down

***I didn’t write this. My friend Everhopeful did. It actually reminds me of my Autistic children who work so hard and struggle more than neurotypical people. People with Autism are not less than though. They are unique and I hope the world takes note to be more compassionate and loving, as Autistic people are.

Tonight my son with Autism said, “maybe Santa will come to my house if I got rid of my Autism.” It broke my heart. He began saying this prayer every night before bed:

“Jesus Christ, please help me get rid of my Autism. Amen!”

I hope that my son improves, through the coming years, as it is hard to watch him struggle. He knows that he has behavioral struggles and general challenges in life, as a result of his Autism. He also has the insight to want help overcoming his challenges and wants to rid himself of Autism.  My son would relate to this poem. Why does he have to struggle so much and work harder than the next guy only to be disappointed by comparison?

Ok so I am a little jealous!

So apparently the 1980s classic band from Australia, Men at Work, were in town playing a gig on Monday night. My cousin went and I missed it! Boo!

Hearing Men At Work, on the radio, always takes me back in time, to college. My favorite college band (Nervous Sheep) would always play “Down Under” at their shows and I loved it.

Anyway Men At Work seemed like the most mellow group of guys on Earth. They were maybe even a bit silly, at least, in their music videos.

So I was today years old, when I learned that they are not so mellow now and things have changed drastically between the original band members. See the link below for more on that.

https://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/02/new-meaning-to.html

 

Posing with the kitten again!

 This time she is wearing a cute pink bow tie! lol 

The evil that men do…

 The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their bones” -Shakespeare 

Wow! I came across this quote today, as I am about to attend a funeral tomorrow. I am not too familiar with Shakespeare. I mean, I read Caesar once in high school, but I forgot it, just as quickly as I read it.

However, here it is again, (this quote), staring back at me. I understand it now and I agree. I have been doing this with my mom who passed away in 2019. I ruminate on all the petty things, words, and times she made me upset or disappointed me. 

The fact is, she was a wonderful woman who loved me dearly. I think that I was even her favorite child. I  feel guilty for focusing on the negative things. She really was a dear love/sweetheart in my life.

I know that if I did this with my mother, who I was very close with, and who I even referred to her as my best friend in her eulogy, I am going to do this with my brother-in-law. Eric, who I wasn’t that close with, and who I took issue with at times, his funeral is tomorrow. Lord help me to remember all the good things about Eric and think happy thoughts!

Yes Ice T

 

Merry Christmas from Millie and me!

Trey: It’s the love of my life…before my wife! Yes I am definitely married, but I can’t erase the image of you from my mind!

Maeve: He is so full of it! We are hexing you, so be forewarned! We are actually on our annual Christmas vacation right now, hence my new Instagram photos! I learned my lesson and I will keep them hidden from you. Our private vacation pictures and intimate moments will be a mystery to you from now on. You wish you were with Trey on the beach right now! Well you can just eat your heart out, so be forewarned! I wish you a very cold, cold Christmas in Carlsbad! Brrr!

Are you looking at me?

 A falcon giving me the evil eye on my walk.

Happy holidays

 

A Proposition (Trigger Warning)

A couple is married roughly 15 years. One half of the marriage is involved in an emotional affair. A third party offers one member of the relationship, (his competition) $6.5 million dollars to sign divorce papers, and walk away from the marriage. 

You could do any of the following:

A: Take the money and run

B: Refuse the money and fight for your marriage 

C: Wallow in self-pity, until you cannot bear it anymore, and ultimately, die by suicide 

Wouldn’t you, at least, wait it out, to see if the outside party really had that kind of money? Well, wouldn’t you? I would, at this point! Plan C would never be an option for me.

Maeve decides to comment on my response to the proposition.

Maeve: You wouldn’t try to save your marriage? Even if you were married to…Trey Sanders? Good to know! You don’t know what love is! Be forewarned!

Precovid

 The good ol days. Seeing a show (Jason Mraz) at the Belly Up Tavern.

Kindle Vella bonus

Even though absolutely no one has read my Kindle Vella story, I got a $10 Kindle Vella Christmas bonus today! I am in shock. Thank you Amazon!!

Why isn’t my name in the paper?

 

I called the City of Carlsbad about a dead seal that I saw at Batiquitos Lagoon today and got the run around. They didn’t want to handle it and referred me to Seaworld who said that they might want to experiment on it. They think that this animals death might be a result of the oil spill. But they acted like they were doing me a favor by possibly handling the situation.

Meanwhile this man discovered a rare dead fish at Swamis beach, takes a picture with it, and gets his fifteen minutes of fame. See the news article below. I just can’t win!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/ktla.com/news/california/extremely-rare-deep-sea-fish-washes-up-on-san-diego-county-beach-experts-say-only-31-ever-found-worldwide/amp/

Update: Good news! I talked to a park ranger today and this seal is not dead! It is hibernating there on the bank of the lagoon.

Is it too late for a love song?

 This might work…

Yes she’s weird but…

She’s just trying to impress/catch the eye of the cute doctor there. Can you blame her?

Maeve: It didn't go too well for her...trying to impress the cute doctor. And by the way, Trey Sanders hates being compared to Neil Patrick Harris. He is so much better looking than that! Be Forewarned! I hate you, so be forewarned. Don't worry about repeating what I said about Neil Patrick Harris. He will never see this, as no one, and I mean no one, reads your stupid blog. Be forewarned! Why do you think that all these celebrities and rock stars read your weird blog? They don't!

Cloud formation

I saw an image in the clouds today but I had to zoom in a lot to see what it most resembled. I have decided that the cloud formation looks like a little man, laying on a fluffy cloud, staring back at me. What does it look like to you?

Monday meme

 

Life is a blessing!

 

Monsignor Rossetti has my back

 https://www.churchpop.com/2021/12/10/exorcist-to-host-livestream-deliverance-prayer-healing-session-live-qa/

My sister just sent this to me. It couldn’t hurt to try! Monsignor Rossetti, please remove this curse from me!

Delusion of reference

How could all of John Lennon’s song been about Claudio when they were about me? Just kidding. I love all of John Lennon’s music and lyrics too!

I will probably be in my own hallucination for the rest of my life. I saw Trey driving past me just today while I was on my walk. It never ends!

Seasons Greetings!

 

Sunday, December 12, 2021

Maeve: I am leaving you with this image. The image of Trey carrying me over the threshold, like he did on our wedding night, like he did in Mexico, and many times over. I am not changing my profile picture from that…ever. It is a cherished memory for me, which conjures up great jealousy for you…and I could care less! I love that you are green with envy, actually…and you should be! You missed out on a treasure of a man, who later became my soulmate and husband, and there is nothing you can do about it! You are stuck on the outside looking in. Keep looking at our pictures and trying to break through them. It will get you nowhere! lol 

Maeve: I know why these images are so jarring for you to look at…because you are fat! There is no way Trey could ever lift you and carry you anywhere! Ha! What a joke that is. You are competing with a much younger woman who is extremely fit from CrossFit! Just try and keep up! lol You can’t!!

Grumpy cat?

 At first I thought this kitten looks like the famous Grumpy Cat but now I think she is so cute that she is stealing my thunder a bit. I’m ok with that though!  ❤️ 

 

I keep seeing people

 I keep seeing certain people pass by me and I think it is a repeated cycle but I can’t figure out the reason why they keep driving past me and doing nothing else. It still makes zero sense to me.

December 7, 2021

Maeve: You know what? Trey can see you through your kitchen window and he doesn’t like what he is seeing. Not at all! Quit playing house with Stephen! Quit doing his dishes! And what are you feeding your daughter? Hormel spaghetti from a can? Gross! Aren’t you Italian? Can you even boil water to make the spaghetti yourself? How lazy! Well that’s what Trey gets…a lazy, aging housewife!  Have fun with her! We have traveled the world together! We’ve surfed together! We’ve been to fun music festivals and to Burning Man! He’s giving up all that up to play house with you and your three children from another marriage? (Not really) Ha! Who’s the fool? You are just dreaming and I anticipate that this will end much like your sister’s marriage! Be forewarned!

Hey all you cool cats and kittens!

 Me holding Millie!

 

Dumb Suggestions

**Trigger Warning**

Maeve: Dumb Ways To Die! So Many Dumb Ways To Die! Well, that was an interesting method for killing yourself! You should research your own too! Be Forewarned!

Out of respect for my sister, I will not be blogging what is and what will be spinning around in my head, as pertaining to the suicide of my brother-in-law. I also do not want to trigger anyone who has suicidal ideation. As you can see from my blog, these voices are brutal and at a stressful time like this, brutal things are being uttered to me by them. (Just so you know)

The latest relationship trend

The latest relationship trend: Fall in love, move in together, get a pet (or two), and live happily ever after.  More and more people are ditching the piece of paper and occasionally, the children, and still living kick ass, fulfilling, fun lives. I am somewhere from a little to very, very jelly, depending on the couple. Distance weddings are also a thing. If you are not tied to a church, you could get married on a beautiful beach in Hawaii or Tahiti. I got married in my parents Catholic Church. Waa waa!

Ramble On!

Ok Back to the fantasy. I am thinking of switching out the voice name, Maeve, for Gollum because “Gollum and the evil ones crept up and slipped away with him. Yeah Ain’t nothing I can do. No.”

 I was listening to this version of Ramble On earlier today, on my walk. It was the first time I ever heard this live performance and I was blown away. I love Led Zeppelin! 

Coincidence?

Trigger warning ⚠️  I started crying buckets yesterday morning and didn’t know why. I felt snubbed and excluded on the therapy site schizophrenia.com. The sun wasn’t shining and I thought I had seasonal affective disorder. What a stupid and “California spoiled” reason to break down. 

Then I found out this afternoon that my sisters estranged husband, who has been hurting for a long time, has died by suicide. I am shocked and sad about it. I also have this unusual belief that I knew what he was going through yesterday and I sensed this was going to happen. My illness is being triggered by this unfortunate event but I have to be strong and be there for my sister and her son.

Valentina: I can hear him laughing at you. You must feel so terrible now. For all the things you said about him…for all the things you thought. Suicide, huh? He will be waiting for you…in hell!

Tonight’s fortune

 One more lover? Baby? Pet? It’s referring to you, Trey! It’s all you!

Maeve: You wish! You are going to feel mighty stupid when I post our next romantic public picture together. Our annual Christmas photo on the beach, maybe?  When are you going to realize that my man is going nowhere! We are blissfully in love and your chances with him are slim to none! Be forewarned!

Me: So you’re saying there’s a chance! 

Wednesday hump day?

Well it’s hump day, but not for me, I guess.

Maeve: You are scum of the earth for trying to smear my name, out of jealousy. Trey Sanders is my husband and the love of my life and you can’t handle it. Everyone can see through your pathetic, preposterous Santeria smear campaign. You are even trying to profit off your jealousy, by peddling books to people. I hope no one ever falls into the trap you are setting and purchases your poorly written “novella.”  

Maeve: Guess what? We are at a “clothing-optional” hot springs in Santa Cruz right now…and yes, we are completely naked, so be forewarned! While you sit in your carpool line, we are in ecstasy and having the time of our lives together, so you can just eat your heart out! Be forewarned.

Valentina: Valentina is here and I just want to say that you should never drink beer. It is very unfeminine to drink beer. Nasty! Maeve never drinks beer. She drinks wine, because she has class, so be forewarned! 

Valentina: Stupid bitch! You are trying to lure Trey into leaving his marriage through your very public writings and it is not working! Your evil motives are the very reason that we are continuing to hex you. We will not rest. We will not leave you alone until you stop longing for what never was and what will never be-a romantic relationship with Trey Sanders. Meanwhile Maeve has got Trey right where she wants him-in the bedroom, so be forewarned!