Resolutions for 2025

 When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, I resolve to be more conscious about this tradition.. I don’t want to overshoot promises that I will never be able to achieve or stick to. Inevitably I will probably fall into feelings of failure because yet again, I cannot not uphold my New Years Resolutions.  I am almost afraid to put it out there because New Years Resolutions are kind of a setup to embarrass and mess with your mind later on. I already have Evil E for that! I resolve to be more aware and grateful to the people who help me in my journey. I know my family and friends care about me and help me in overt and covert ways, consciously and unconsciously.

Today I remembered a memory that I had buried somehow, about  10 years ago. There s always the possibility that my brain invented my whole hexing story, but I would like to thank law enforcement and I also believe that my family friends who are members of a local Native American tribe are helping me. I dont want to mention any names, as they deserve privacy. If the police heard the voices of the individuals hexing me, it may have been a blunder from my enemies, or maybe the reason the voices were audible to others and not merely in my head, was with the help of my family friends. If you have been helping me, I don’t deserve your kindness but I am so grateful for your kindnesss! I will be eternally grateful! One time Evil E observed what I was doing and who I was asking for help from and he told me that “Shamanism has got nothing on Santeria, so it would do no good to ask for the help of a Shaman.” It’s not a competition. I am still very ignorant to both of those religions, but I believe that both religions hold a lot of meaning and power for its practitioners. I aspire to be more respectful and understanding of all religions, even the ones who challenge my beliefs or may appear very different from the religion I was raised in.

I have been asking for prayers and for general help with this situation, in my life. I want help from all those who can help me. It would be wise for me to not make such public comments and jokes on TikTok about our president-elect and his cabinet. The wise thing to do would be to keep my political beliefs, anger, and disagreement to myself.  I don’t want to upset people who could help me. You never know someone who may have the ability to help me might have voted for Donald Trump and holds many of the same political beliefs close to their heart. I should stop making political statements and jokes because I want DT to help me if he had some sway and it were up to him. It would be perfect if he didn’t turn the whole situation into a giant immigration “I told you so.” But I peg DT for doing just that unfortunately. 99.5 % of Mexicans and Latin American immigrants do not practice Santeria. I don’t know actual facts but no one really does so believing him is racism or ignorance at the very least. Evil E claims to be a “Mastermind of Santeria,” but who else has been found to do that? If I weren’t being personally being harmed by Evil E, (or merely convinced that he is doing this) then I wouldn’t give a rip, if he practiced Santeria or not. I feel like this man could be doing other illegal things and that he is a menace to society, with not enough to do in his life. Of course, I may never get confirmation that my suspicions are valid and I will forever be branded a racist Carlsbad Karen. Time will tell if any of his misdeeds can be proven and prosecuted. I am manifesting much progress for my criminal case in 2025! Praying had!! 🙏 

I have been shadow banned

 I have been shadow banned from posting any comments about Donald Trumps haircut on TikTok so I will leave my comments here on Blogger.. First I must say,Donald didn’t really get a haircut, it was a toupee cut. He got a new toupee which is trying to make it look a bit like a mullet and as if he could get a little growth down the back of his neck if he wanted it. Ok

You have no balls really!

 You are more afraid of Evil E than I am and he probably isn’t bothering you at all. You are not in a place to make jokes. Why are you making fun of me? This whole passive aggressive “showing me how I am treating others” and “giving me a taste of my own medicine” is just vindictive psychological emotional abuse. Maybe I did create this fantasy that you were this perfect sweet model mate. You are doing a great job of shattering the positive mental image that I had of you. Why you are doing this, I have no idea! Why are you being so mean and secretive? I am not that way. Are you still pissed off by something that happened during college days? We were basically just acquaintances and you shared nothing about yourself with me that I can remember. I filled in the blanks with inaccuracies. I also do not remember having sex with you. Was it good for you? It was good enough to leave your wife for me and forgettable for me apparently. Are you just this mean, condescending, vain Leo? I am just putting this all together now. You get a kick out of making me jealous. You are an asshole! I know you slept with my roommate Karen behind my back in college. Who’s next? You ruined everything!! Crash and burn! Since you’re down here, keep up torching any chance with me. I’m going to a bar this weekend with my “friends.” Be so jealous. Why my “friends” or “family” would speak to you, much less hang out with you, behind my back, boggles my mind. You are all penis, no balls! Have fun with whatever ho you pick up!

*** I am not giving you the out of Evil E is hexing you which is why you are mentally messing with me. This is coming from you, Trey. You are stalking me. I need a restraining order. You have already broken the ice with my female friends. Good luck with them. You are a walking or drive by red flag. You are still too immature for me. You are too slow for me. My instinct is to run from you. The fact that you married a witch shows your lack of good judgment and good vetting for someone with good morals and who isn’t vengeful. You have been vengeful to me since I got married in 2004. You have been driving down to Carlsbad since before then actually. You knew my address and phone number probably but never thought to contact me that way? Weird! This is your fault anyway. I do believe traveling down to Carlsbad was just a revenge tactic. Look at me! I surf! I’m still thin! I’m here in the flesh! But here’s my wife! I “am living my best life!” Sorry! I do think your social media poses were just that …poses. What a two faced liar, you are! You have been so secretive to your wife and to me! You have always been that way though. Say as little as you can, to keep them guessing. To keep them confused about your flaws and the things you do behind your partners back. On top of how your wife’s family is hexing me, you being an asshole, your lack of sympathy, your stalking and snooping, your laughing in my face and head games have obliterated any chance you ever had with me. I don’t even know why I am wasting my time typing this all out. You are really inspiring me to remain celibate. I do not need your b.s. You have brought nothing but trouble and tears into my life!

Blogger> Reddit

 I love posting on Blogger! If anyone is reading this, I do appreciate that you never post some negative, messed up comments here. Blogger may be filtering out all the mean trolls out of the comments. I appreciate either scenario because I just want to keep telling my story here. I posted my same story, in short form, on Reddit and every kind of judgemental troll came out of the woodwork, to call me a liar and a home wrecker etc etc etc. There are a slew of anonymous Aholes on Reddit. I already know that alot of people are just making up stories on “Am I the ahole?  Or any of the Anonymous confessional subreddits. Like I know you just made that up! The responses are lies too, I bet. This anonymous woman posted this story about the time she came home from the gym, without letting her husband know, and she found him watching cartoons while wearing an adult diaper on and with pacifier in his mouth? There is a slim chance that is a legitimate story, but I don’t think so. Anyway, on the Paranormal subreddit, it explicitly states that this is a safe space for open minded and nonjudgmental people to read and share their  paranormal experiences . I was reading through other ghost stories and stuff. People were replying, “Yes I grew up in a family of witches, and I have seen some things.”  “I’m from  Venezuela and witchcraft is a huge issue there.” No one really wants to believe my story  though. It’s not a pretty story, with a clear cut hero or victim. Everyone gets hurt in this. It’s just complicated.  I can definitely tell the people who are judging me to the point that they think that I deserved the hex. Why are all the cynical naysayers popping off on my post though? They believe in aliens, but not the possibility that magic can manifest good and bad things?  The judgmental haters yesterday, reminded me of all the people who were applauding Luigi for shooting the healthcare CEO.  “It’s the principle! He’s bringing awareness to all of the greed and corruption in healthcare, so his actions were for a good cause!”  People who take the side of the posters “villain” or “enemy “ are just trolls. The mistake I made yesterday was getting upset and commenting back to everyone who s- on my post yesterday. They may have just been bored and doing that weird role play thing people doo online.  Reddit sucks!

God Isn’t My Co-Pilot

 At least God wasn’t in the drivers seat today. He may have been watching from a distance though. It felt more like the devil was my pilot there for a second. Evil E took the wheel away from me today for a minute. It’s one of those sneaky things that he does against my will, if he sees an opportunity and thinks he can get away with it.  I was driving with my daughters out to Oceanside. We were going to drive out to Kohls in San Marcos. The freeway was jam packed so we got off at the next exit. (Poinsettia Ln) I realized I was in the wrong lane and I wanted to take Paseo Del Norte. I said that out loud so it was clear that would have been better. Then I figured, I can just drive up to Aviara parkway and take it to Palomar Airport to get to El Camino Real. I knew the alternate way to go to get to the 78. I think I left my body for a second when the light turned green. Evil E grabbed the wheel and yanked me into the turn lane to turn left when there were other cars there. I didn’t even realize what was happening until it happened. I almost hit other cars in the turn lane.  I feel like Evil E did that though. It wasn’t me. It was so weird!  But again because I said out loud that I wanted to go that way, It looked like I was going to break the law and do something reckless to get my way. I was going to do whatever the hell I wanted to do. He does like to blame his impatience, temper, and selfishness on me. That’s Evil E in a nutshell. I definitely feel and experience all of those emotions naturally too. He is trying still to paint me as this ruthless careless home wrecker. This all began because Trey was thinking about me and wanting to see me. He was distracted from his wife from nothing I did to trigger that. It was just memories and experiences from college days. When he would come down here with Maeve to visit her crazy cousins, he was obviously tempted to go drive past me while he was down here. Everyone thinks that I am lying. I have not touched or talked to this man since college. I am not withholding anything  here  either. You can’t believe that a man would leave his wife without having an affair first? I should have told him years ago what they were doing. He obviously didn’t care enough to leave her and his family still doesn’t care about her being a witch. Treys sister thinks it’s “cool.” Is Maeve so cool for pulling off this hex for 10 years and no one has ever been able to stop her? Love spells obviously don’t work. I knew he was going to leave eventually. It was only a matter of time. Why go to the extreme to keep someone who didn’t want to stay? She never hexed him. She was playing Miss Perfect to him and to everyone she knew. Wow! I should have told him the deal 10 years ago! We could have gotten this show on the road sooner! I wonder if she’s hexing him now that he’s left her? Crazy!

Flashback

 I overheard a conversation where two men were discussing how things were so carefree in college. A lot of college students are being completely financially supported by their parents. Life was good. I remember. The kids from Northern California were supposedly richer than the rest of us from So. Cal. Don’t remind me how easy it could be to maybe take a girl out on a date. The attempt was never made. The guys spent all of their time every day together. No one wanted to get to know me or hang out with me during the daylight sober hours. That’s for damn sure. They didn’t want any kind of relationship or monogamy. My cousin found the only good guy in Isla Vista. He let himself get committed to one woman and consequently, they fell in love. They met in college at a “party school “ and are still happily married. Romanticizing college is a huge mistake for me! The window of opportunity for rekindling anything passed long ago. Coming around and snooping through my life isn’t romantic, it’s stalking. You could have stayed in Santa Cruz for this b.s. Go jerk around someone else! You are certainly not worth the hell you are putting me through. Why are you participating in driving me crazy? You are a complete asshole! Truly! I would never want someone I was even dating casually to hang around with female “friends.” Do you really need to be friends with random women or other female friends and family members of mine? I would never let you do that if I could control it. You keep pushing the issue. The answer is no already. If you want to date multiple women at once and have female friends, you will not be at all involved with me. That’s it. You should respect that, instead of trying to make me jealous or whatever the hell you are doing. You must be paying these women, like prostitutes, to drive around with you in order to make me jealous.. I’m done with you, before it even began. Pointless! I should be dating other people myself. Holding out hope for you has been a huge waste of a large chunk of my life! Of course I attempted to move on and get married? You needed to keep in touch with me directly, not keep in touch with my brother or with some person I am no longer in touch with or some acquaintance you pump for information about me. You are scarier and even more conniving than I have ever admitted to myself or told you. You still don’t have the balls to approach me, but you would get an earful if you did. I don’t need to engage with you though. At this point, a restraining order would be more appropriate. Evil E is definitely a huge problematic asshole of a person, but what about you? What have you brought into my life, besides irritation, stress, and psychological torment? You are definitely tormenting me too, Trey! Driving past me so many times gave me false hope that consequently ruined my life!

You had a wife there for a minute. Sure, I was jealous because you finally grew up and were a picture perfect seemingly great husband to your wife. (In pictures, at least) I convinced myself  you were so perfect.  I was bitter about everything…and you said you were “still living your best life.” Good for you! But you really weren’t a great husband if you had a seriously distracting wandering eye. Quit trying to prove how imperfect you are, so I lower my expectations of you. I refuse to get involved with someone who manipulates my emotions, to see how I react. Between you and Evil E, I am an angry, mixed up mess! Thanks for that.

*** I bet this is one of Evil Es favorite movies, Friday. Evil E is very intimidating. You definitely believe that he could definitely follow through with his physical threats,.  Evil E just like Big Worm. I feel the same way though, in regards to, don’t play with my emotions, Trey and his entire social circle including his crazy in-laws. Evil E knows how much he hates being messed with, yet he messes as hard as he can and still get away with it. He is a thug and not in a cool movie star way. He should be locked up but this asshole is posting in his instagram stories looking free as a bird, riding his bike through the jungles of Venezuela or whatever. Have a nice trip, asshole! When the man I endured all of this demonic hell for, drives past me, like a vindictive confused messed up stalker, it only adds to my stress and paranoia levels. I know that getting involved with me would be a huge commitment and involve a lot more serious work than your previous carefree child free marriage has been, but you are already holding that over my head. I am interested in taking on you and your kids, aren’t I so great? You should be sooo grateful! Leave me alone…seriously!

What a year 2024 has been!

 I think this year is ending slightly better than it began, which is a relief for me.

I’m setting up a nondenominational, interfaith GoPrayMe

***This is not a money grab, as I am not asking for money. I would like people, of all religions, all over the world, to pray for me. I would appreciate your prayers, at this chaotic time in my life. I also ask for help, in the magical arena, if possible. Bring on the good witches! I would appreciate any manifestation of good and positive things into my life, to end this 10 year (and counting) dark spell. Thank you!

Stoplights…sigh

My next art piece will be a painting of a stoplight aiming to convey the increasingly high level of torment they have brought me lately. I will be cruising along, enjoying a great song on the radio, without a care in the world, and then I hit a stoplight. I do see my own privilege and entitlement in the way that stoplights bother me so much. I have not encountered many road blocks in my life. I mean, I have been coasting along, without real employment, my whole life. Yes, I have been financially taken care of my whole life. So I know that my inner spoiled brat weirdly gets the best of me in this unremarkable universal experience of stopping at a stop light. Entitlement is getting frustrating over being made to stop dead in your tracks, when it is the kind or necessary thing to do. I was born in LA and didn’t notice or mind the stress of traffic, as a child. However, when I moved to Carlsbad in 1998, I did feel like the stop light wait time here felt like an eternity compared to in LA. Then again, I didn’t know anyone in Carlsbad and I was very depressed. I was self conscious about my weight and overall appearance. I felt like I looked different from all of the blonde, beachy, skinny people down here. I thought they were staring at me and giving me dirty looks at stop lights. I felt like they were always noticing my differences and judging me for them. I was living “People Are Sttrange” in the faces of all the locals, when they looked at me.  Having started his hex in 2014,  Evil E has had enough time to study me, and figure out what embarrasses or upsets me. He knows that there is always that uncomfortable “checking each other out” that happens at stoplights, which makes me very self conscious. Whenever I am feeling good, while driving, I will ultimately come to a stoplight and Evil E can’t help messing with me. He makes me mouth along the lyrics to the songs I am listening to. He is going to force me to mouth the words, against my will, for his own amusement. That always drives me crazy, so I have to turn the music down, so he quits bugging me. 

Lately, I have finally gotten over my fear of jogging on the public streets, around my house. I was always too crippled by self consciousness to do that. At almost 50 years old and having lived in Carlsbad for close to 25 years, I said, “Hey! Who gives a rip? I’m going running!” That was huge for me, to finally get over it and feel comfortable enough to go running outside, in my neighborhood. I feel great, especially, under the circumstances. So now, Evil E has found a great way to make me feel so self conscious, that it stops me dead in my tracks. It’s very embarrassing to admit, but he may be making my boobs feel not secured in my sports bra.  He may be somehow making my boobs bounce more than they should. I blame him for messing with me and making me feel self conscious about my breasts, while I am running. He doesn’t want me to get too confident or to get too much of a runners high. He has to put me back in my place, like the evil ahole that he truly is. There is a chance that I need a different sports bra and maybe this accusation is a bit of a reach. I can’t blame him for everything. 

I still trip out that Maeve has no remorse and she just carries on with her stupid gymrat friends. Her gymrat cronies are too stupid to think through all of her doings and the evil that is in her. There is no judgement from them and they could be participating in her magic nonsense too. Who knows?  There will be always be interesting party tricks with her in attendance. She also has Treys sister still under her spell.  Her sweetheart image is “oh so fake!” She is so bitter that she is completely onboard with continuing to twist the knife in my back. You won’t apologize to me for sicking your evil Santeria practicing, attack dog cousins on me? You are so weird and so are the jackasses who support you. Screw you until the bitter end, as well, my enemies!

*I know your dumb as rocks gymrat friends don’t believe me, so I can’t wait to prove it to them! My account of events may be hard to believe but it’s not impossible. No one, historically,  has ever been able to prove that they suffered or were injured by a spell or hex, but hopefully that will all change soon. You are like that bitter ex wife, Betty Broderick, who is still sitting in jail, with no remorse whatsoever, for killing her ex husband and his new wife. She would have taken her crime to the grave, as well. She would have loved to be able to play it off, like you, and still be a free woman. I hope your ship and everyone on it, sinks soon! I think I have a few powerful people looking into this, so be forewarned! Let’s create a new law to give you the criminal punishment that you deserve! I don’t want you to continue to b.s. the world and breeze past the legal system, as if you are not hexing me. It doesn’t matter right now anyway, because there is no law against it yet, right? What you have been doing may be the outlier for what is considered a crime, in the future. I hope some good comes out of you harassing me in this creepy and most unbelievable way. I am anticipating more focus on this, if your jealousy triggers Evil E even more. I would like to think that you and your family are being watched right now, to see what other crimes you and Evil E are involved with. I actually don’t care what your dumb as rocks friends think either. You and I both know, what you are getting away with and shouldn’t be. Justice shall prevail soon! Fingers crossed! Say a prayer for me! (Not Santeria or any harmful magic, I mean.) I will accept the positive prayers and blessings from anyone else who reads this!

A funny stranger made me laugh yesterday

 I was at Marshals in Oceanside yesterday and someone made me laugh. The man noticed me. I still am not sure how people know who I am as I never have confirmation that they have read my blog and whatnot. Anyway he cracked a joke asking “Why does he only hex her? It’s not fair!” He must be sarcastic right? Evil E is great looking. Model good looks. Unfortunately he is a major Ahole who hates me. He is making it his life’s mission to torment me.. You do not want to be on this man’s bad side. I am blessed and spoiled in most ways. Evil E just loves to torment me in his free time …and his free time appears to be aplenty. He gets off on upsetting and humiliating me daily. I think he enjoys taking credit for being good at causing magical mischief.  Being a “mastermind of Santeria” is brag worthy for him. It’s not great. I don’t wish this on anyone. If someone were to be jealous of me, that can’t be why. You’re joking me right? I don’t love this man, how he lives his life, and what he is putting out into the universe. Some fool will probably fall in love him, anyway, warts and all.  Evil E loves pushing the boundaries of what he can legally get away with. He could probably kill me, if he tried, and get away with it. Even with this new notoriety I have, he can do whatever he wants to me (from Venezuela) and no one can stop him. At this point, the big question is, how could we collect any evidence and enough evidence to extradite him from Venezuela? Unfortunately, the only thing that he has been noted for, at this point, is finding new and interesting ways to be the biggest ahole imaginable. I think the general consensus is leave his ass in Venezuela and in the meantime, I will just have to live with his mental harassment, for who knows how long.

Irritation over your cultivated sweet and perfect image

You really pulled the wool over everyone in Santa Cruz! It’s so annoying! You are Miss suck up to everyone in sight there.  Yes I did hate you from the get go. I was obviously jealous that you were married to the man I wanted to marry. You are a natural show off, so you carefully illustrated how perfect your life was with him. Everyone is judging me for that. I admit that I stalked your social media. I sent one DM and made one public comment on his Facebook page, which scared the shit out of you apparently. Why didn’t Trey’s insistence on traveling down to Carlsbad prompt any action on him? Trey never got over me and traveled down to Carlsbad the whole time you knew him. We never met in person, so what’s the deal? You don’t place the blame on him? I was married with three kids. I was busy. You all ruined my life! You went crying to your crazy witch cousins down here and got them to “handle me.” Your handling of Trey was very different though. You kept your evil deeds a huge secret from your husband. Deny! Deny! Deny! Did it ever cross your mind that using magical hex spells on me could turn around on you? Why are you all putting your precious reputations and freedom in jeopardy? You were convinced that you would get away with it. You assumed that I wouldn’t tell anyone or that they simply wouldn’t believe me. You, personally, may have backed off a bit to let your cousins handle the situation. Thanks, bitch! You needed to focus on cultivating your image of being the perfect, devoted, sweet wife and woman. You were also living your best life with Trey and rubbing it in my face every second of every day! My jealousy must have given you a huge ego boost! Maeve is the big winner, right? You are annoying in many other ways too. You kiss up to the world. You have been enjoying Trey and your brag worthy life in Santa Cruz. I guess it’s sweet that you loved and appreciated your life with Trey. You were not going to let anyone steal him and your happy life together from you. It was precious to you. I get that and I would definitely feel the same way. But I wouldn’t go the extremely crazy route you did to keep my man. He obviously didn’t want to be kept by you anyway.  You couldn’t control him with Santeria, in the end. He eventually made his choice. You should have let him go, once he showed you that. Everyone has a dark side, but yours is so F’d up! This was your undoing with Trey. The witchcraft and the lies regarding that was a dealbreaker for him. You appear to still deny deny deny that you had anything to do with the hex. You asked for help from your witch cousins. You knew damn well what they could do. You asked them to do this. You agreed to take part in this. You said your piece. You were convinced that you would get away with it too.  You are just “talking s- to me, right? You were trying to scare me off, so I would stay away from your man. Fortunately, I have a relative who works in law enforcement. It’s a slow news day every day in Carlsbad, so this situation is being looked into! Your attack dog cousins may have moved back to Venezuela, but you are still here and it was all your idea, in the first place. I hope that law enforcement reaches out to you soon!  Everyone seems to know what’s happening, but we have not received closure or punishment for you yet. Your weird circle of friends in Santa Cruz seem indifferent to all of this. Are you still denying everything or are they just cold and stupid? You pulled the wool over everyone. I hope Trey’s family sees the light eventually. They are standing by your side and comforting you? You, your mother, and everyone in your weird family is full of it! I would be happy to let my witch ex daughter law go! You have put a dark mark on their entire family. I don’t think anyone expected how evil your family is and how it would cast a shadow on their good reputation.  Unfortunately, they don’t seem to get that yet. You probably put some sort of spell on them too! How cute! His last name starts with the word “Spell!” Girl, you are crazy and they are nothing like you! Don’t link  Christianity to Santeria! You are a hex casting witch, not some sweet innocent perfect person. You are a doing a great job playing that role for everyone around you though. I am, of course, glad that Trey has seen the light. I know damn well that you never admitted any wrongdoing though. Good to know that he finally escaped from your cutches! You are a huge liar and not a fit wife for him! You may be CrossFit but you are unfit, in so many ways. I hope your dumb as a bag of rocks, gym rat friends eventually see that too. I am not scared of the bitches you send down here to intimidate me either, even the ones on steroids! lol  I know the individuals, not in your family,  couldn’t cast a spell successfully anyway. I will take the evil eye from them. I just don’t understand why they would bother traveling all the way down to Carlsbad to do that for your sake? It’s very weird but you’re weird and a manipulative liar, so I get that you masterminded their opinions on the situation and influenced their willingness to do this crap for you. You cultivated this extreme level of devotion and defense from your cronies that is pretty impressive. I don’t think people would ever take time out of their lives to do weird shit like that for me?! Then again, I am not a witch or even the spoiled rotten, master manipulator that you are.

This is why I take therapy/nature walks on city streets

 https://vm.tiktok.com/ZP8NNPARB/

On second thought, I can’t deal with this much nature. Have fun on your wilderness hikes! I will not be joining you. It sure looks majestic though!

The moment I first got hexed

 It’s was unclear to me for a long time, how Evil E could get to me to initiate the hex. As far as I am aware, I never encountered him, in person. I don’t know if I told anyone this before but when I was living at my old house in San Pacifico on Halsing Ct, I started receiving visits from these individuals posing as solicitors or more so, “survey takers.” I have dealt with the census takers and maybe some other type of survey once before. But this was different. They came to my house three times total. Stephen had told me repeatedly to never open the door for strangers and for some reason, this time, I didn’t listen. On the one hand, I am not a child and I may have been rebelling to what he was instructing me to do. On the other hand, I wish I had listened to Stephen here. I didn’t see the potential danger in opening our door, as we lived in a very safe neighborhood. The individuals were acting sketchy too. I mean they looked young and unassuming, but they were looking in my windows and banging on the door, trying very aggressively to get my attention. It was weird and stupid of me to actually open the door for them. The “survey takers” were pressuring me to let them come in, so I could fill out an extensive survey. They wouldn’t take no for an answer and they said that they would keep coming back until I let them inside. I asked what the survey was about and they replied that it was about “cocaine use patterns of my household and my neighbors.” I was stunned  by what they were saying. I virtually froze there in front of them. These young adults came by themselves on three different occasions. I didn’t recognize them. They were speaking very loudly about cocaine and I was shocked every time they uttered the word. They repeated that they would not stop showing up at my house until I filled out the survey, which was extensive, and would take a long time to finish. I don’t know what happened next but they eventually left and never returned. Anyway their aggressive b.s. worked apparently. They got me in the end.

Halloween has come and gone

 In the flurry of Thanksgiving preparations, I have neglected my blog posting. I would like to update any law enforcement, who may be reading my blog, that I fear that Evil E is not only speaking through me and answering questions, that people ask me, in a misleading and offensive way. Last night, I somehow forgot to take my melatonin before bed, which I am increasingly relying on. I thought I just had restless limbs due to my antipsychotic use. But now I feel that Evil E is messing with me, even more now that Trey and Maeve have split up. I saw this coming years ago, so obviously your love spells do not work. I have no control over my body when Evil E is controlling it. I didn’t sleep a wink last night and was really thrashing around a lot. I do think it is another sneaky maneuver that Evil E has been pulling over on me, to bother me. He is truly such an asshole! Let me sleep! Does this man have a job at all or any sort of life? Keep yourself busy and out of trouble Evil E! Yikes, you and your bruja family give me the creeps! Just as you say, that you will never stop hexing me, I will never stop putting you on blast and making fun of you, whenever possible. Ha ha ha! Your ego, machismo, and toxic masculinity, are what drove your life into this mess. You may think that nothing you are doing is a big deal or prosecutable,  but I do. Good thing that you moved back to Venezuela, you sneaky little coward. Get over it! I am funnier than you and Maeve’s husband dropped her for me! Why the hell are you making such a big deal out of this? You get off on being a notorious asshole. There is nothing more to it really. You are just this bored young punk, who is desperate for attention, like Richard Ramirez. You are an asshole and an embarrassment to other Latin Americans!

***Also, my side is splitting from laughing so hard the last few days. My stomach aches from laughing so hard and I am not sure if this is merely a natural occurrence from my silly sense of humor. It’s hard to tell if it is the humor in the things I am watching on my iPhone or remembering certain things that make me laugh or possibly someone cast some sort of spell to make me laugh like crazy.  Lately I have been laughing so hard and so frequently it’s a little peculiar. This has been going on for months maybe longer, but I didn’t think anything of it until now. I will start laughing in public at random when I am by myself just thinking thoughts in my head. I do get embarrassed and distracted while driving because of it. I am surprised that I have not gotten in an accident because of this. I do believe this is noticeable to other drivers and makes me look crazy. It is noticeable to others, for sure. Again, I wonder if these are just random errant thoughts making me laugh or a literal “laughing spell?” This is the epiphany that I had last night. Evil E could be hexing me to laugh too!

All of your secrets… (Don’t read my blog if you can’t take the heat)

 I am an open book obviously. I have an online journal that I suspect no one close to me at all bothers to read. I assume that because they gaslight me and write off everything I think/say is happening off, as a figment of my imagination. However, the trail of lies runs long with the people that I regularly associate with.who are beyond the acquaintance level. All of you know the deal! First off, I am pissed that you claim ignorance to the severity of what I am dealing with. Secondly, you would like to direct the conversation back to you and surface stuff real quick when we exchange words. Sometimes I am ok with listening to people’s problems because it takes my mind off my own stuff, but sometimes playing the role of therapist gets to be too much for me.  I am not saying that I don’t have any good friends, but it is even worse and it boggles my mind when so called friends talk to my man behind my back, plead ignorance to all that is going on with me, and never give me a shoulder to cry on. Like whatever is your problem?  Supposedly you don’t read my blog or get on my TikTok, but you are all pissed off when I go write on my personal blog and like hilarious TikToks. Like I see you haters! I shouldn’t have hater friends but this is nothing new. The biggest haters are always right under your nose, gaslighting you by making up bs scenarios to make you jealous. It’s the concerted effort by some individuals to make me jealous, that gets me. Like bitch, you are going out of your way and making a concerted effort to make me jealous! I am sorry that you are so jealous of me, that you try to deflect it back on me, so I can see how you feel. You are doing so much just to make yourself feel better that it always intentionally comes at the expense of my feelings. Silly stupid mind games! I don’t have time for this shit! Don’t read my blog and then indirectly get back at me, because you see what I wrote! I see you very clearly! And why am I more pissed at you, right now, than I am at Evil E or Trey (my very secret admirer) I think that I have good reason to be pissed at everyone out there (besides Evil E) who is messing with my mind and trying to F me up! F U all!

I keep hoping that I will be married to the man of my dreams by 2026 so I can travel the world with him! Fingers crossed! I will then be able to kiss a few people goodbye!

A sign from the heavens

 A funny thing happened outside Rudy’sTaco Shop this evening. It was a sign from the heavens. Whoever did this needs to see a GI specialist pretty quickly because this isn’t looking good. Go get yourself a colonoscopy if you are 45 years old or older and haven’t yet. You need to run quicker if you are creating anything that looks remotely like this. It’s time for a colonoscopy. Run don’t walk! You’ll thank me later!

Why have you been so irritable lately?

 Why have you been so irritably lately? I don’t understand! I’m worried about you! You need to get over yourself, because you are too much drama and you are stressing us out!

I am irritable because I do believe everyone is talking about me behind my back and making jokes to my face and behind my back! Don’t break the 4th Wall right? Don’t ever be honest with me about what you are all thinking and saying about me behind my back! We are done with being good family members and friends! This is just too much for us to handle! The man from college who came out of the woodwork because he is in love with you is just so sweet. We want him for ourselves and are 100% cool with chatting with him behind your back.  Meanwhile, I sit helpless in a hell created by you. A newfound notoriety came as a result of this scandalous love triangle. I blame him! Everyone I know is lying to me and no one is helping to comfort me about what is really going on with me. Everyone’s jealousy and inability to feel empathy is becoming more and more apparent. Random trolls on the street chime in, even though this is none of their goddamb business! You all want to deflate my ego and put me back in my place! What the F is so goddamn funny? You are not funny, at all! You are just mean and annoying! Why do you get a kick off on annoying me? I proclaimed here, before Trey even got the nerve to leave his wife, that we already need couples therapy.  You are pissing me off already! Are you really this annoying? Great! The10 year hesitation still gets to me. How severe are your mental health issues and can I accept them as they are? What is my threshold for the level of stress that I will accept if she become a part of my life? Can I accept everything about her and everyone that comes along with her? Do I have to step it up, in order for this union to become reality? Do I have to lose weight? I am convinced that me moving back in with my family and gaining all the weight back kept Trey at bay for years! How long does he need to sit and think about this? He had everything already! His wife didn’t want kids! She never gained weight! She was there for him whenever he wanted her. I suspect he wants to make sure that I will always appreciate him and act appropriately with him and not embarrass or disrespect him. (After all he has done for me). Don’t take things so personally, right? Because it’s a drag to be called out for the things you say and do to mess with me. I do think that you are messing around a lot right now, but you want to play it off, gaslight, and make jokes, so you have to think or hear about it. I need to be “perfect” to show you that I am up to your standards and worth it, right? At the same time, I feel like you have been acting like a sneaky, immature asshole. I  am upset with you. I don’t get it. The man I wanted to marry in college, low key felt the same way (kind of), but he wanted to put me on hold for 10 years or so. He didn’t keep in touch, then he got pissed when I tried to move on and get married? How should I have known your intentions? Should I even regret moving past you? You eventually decided to check me out again and again before seriously stepping up to the plate. You have been married this whole time, but have been traveling down here from Santa Cruz, behind your wife’s back. And she is livid with me?! What? You are the perfect choice person to ruin my life! After all this time, you started making motions to set things up, so we could be together, like monitoring me from a distance, talking to everyone I know, including my female friends and family, (and my brother who I am pissed at too) instead of me. You have helped to create a Truman show effect to my life. You are already talking to my girlfriends (about me) but not me directly. You are an asshole! You want to feel me out first and mess with me, to see how jealous and angry I get. You are trying to make me jealous and see my reaction which is just straight up mental abuse. “I’m just teasing you!”  I want you to know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of my anger, narcissistic manipulation, and abuse. Good to know! I am not a lab rat, 🐀 who has no control over my circumstances and can be manipulated into different situations, to see my  reactions! I should just use my notoriety to run off with the hottest and best guy I can find. You are already trying to portray yourself as Mr. Sensitivity, sweet, and romantic, to all the women I know. You are clearly bullshitting all of them, so I can never turn to them when things get tough. Zero sympathy will emit from these women, I know. They are already jealous. Is my friend/sibling trouble, my fault?  They are all lying to me and withholding information.  I will never trust anyone I know again because of you!! Having random women drive past me with you, to make me jealous, is so F’d  up! I don’t think you have even filed for divorce, but you are already down here and (probably) dating random, local women. You want me to think that, at least. You get off on making me jealous. No man is worth ruining your life for, even it’s Mr good looking blonde surfing doctor who played drums in a band, where you went to college.

You say religion, I say heresy!

 Maeve’s sister recently left for a trip to Italy. Arrivaderci to you! What? You couldn’t take your sister with you? At first, when I saw her post, I was like “Hmm typical post from them, bragging about being world travelers, because they were born with silver spoons in their mouths.” Then  my thinking process evolved to, “They always direct some sort of negative energy back at me because I am 1/2 Italian and have never traveled to Italy myself. Good for you! They are spoiled brats and I don’t understand how other people tolerate the constant bragging about their trips, their workouts, and being “fashionistas.” Like really, did you just call yourself that? More like label whores and clothes horses. Today it crossed my mind, that knowing these two and their families, they are probably heading to Sicily to learn about Sicilian witchcraft or “La stregodera.” It’s always an education in witchcraft, for them. What an interesting hobby! Let’s go to any country that has hints of witchcraft, in their history. Let’s chat up the locals and hopefully learn from the masters, right?

I don’t think you need any more help with your witchcraft. Your Santeria is working wonders for you! Everyone is talking about all of the nasty tricks that you pull on me. They are impressed that Evil E can pull this off from so far away. He is back living in Venezuela? 

I do not understand how Santeria got legal protection, as a religion! What a joke! You say religion, I say heresy! Getting revenge on your enemy is not in the Catholic tradition. We refute your claims of being derived from our religion. Catholicism rebukes you and we really have no idea what you are talking about! In this regard, I do wonder, are we being too liberal and politically correct with this? There is harmful magic at play here. Why are we deeming this as acceptable or as a valid religion that we should respect their differences? If my experience can be proven somehow, I would love to bring awareness to the fact that Santeria hexes can inflict harm.  Hopefully, we can change how the American legal system handles Santeria hexes and bring justice to anyone who has suffered at the hands of witches. I mean, a lot of you may cast spells and things like that, but nothing happens because you don’t know what you’re doing. On the other hand, the ones who are enmeshed with that world, because that’s their families legacy, I am scared of you! I am watching you (my enemies) right back and I hope you get punished for this. I sometimes wish for you to step up your harassment to another level of crazy. Be bolder, Evil E! Using me to randomly talk smack to people is a sucker punch, a wimp move. Have the b-s to say it to their faces.

Also, it’s not outside the realm of possibility, that you have done worse things in the world, with the help of your magic. We may not know everything that you are up to and we may have no proof yet, but hopefully we soon will! Any proof of that would really help my case! Fingers crossed that we get the proof that we need to, at the very least, end this weird harassment soon!

In 2017

 I believe it was 2017 when I first met my good friend who I often go to the Leucadia/El Camino Real Starbucks with. I was sitting outside with her, discussing my situation with her, when this truck pulls up that says Psycho Surf on it. I recognized the surf sponsor because Evil E had their sticker on his surfboard in a picture.. E generated interest from sponsors and was sponsored for a while possibly. He said that he was sponsored by Keagan’ who I never even heard of but that’s ok. Anyway, not sure if he was actually sponsored by Paycho Surf ever. But when I saw the truck I impulsively yelled out to the two guys in the truck. I yelled, “Hey, do you know E. U? They were hesitant to answer but I yelled at them anyway “He’s hexing me!” They looked at eachother questioning and wondering if I was just crazy. Then I yelled. “Hex?” They just drove away without responding. Some other surfer looking guy looked at me like I was so fucked up for doing that. He said to me, “Wow! Shots fired!?” It had been three years since I felt first messed with and I still felt like shit so I really did not care. I believed that what I was saying was true and I wanted to get E back. I also wanted help for my situation. I think a police car was facing us watching everything go down. I could be wrong though. That Starbucks was great for awhile, because the Sheriffs used to sit outside in a huge pack drinking coffee. I don’t know if they noticed me or even knew who I was. Their presence was coincidental probably. As far as I know, E no longer surfs for Paycho Surf. I hope that I ensured that he never got signed in. Like everyone is letting me know, karma is a bitch. He got his just dessert. It goes both ways. I think I am the victim in this story. Other people think it is the U family whose name I smeared needlessly, preventing them from thriving in the US. They seem to be Venezuela elite anyway, like they are rich and famous. I do get the impression that they love their lives in Venezuela. They have plenty of money. Everyone there is enamored with them.They have beautiful beaches and hiking. They have a million toys. They have each other! They have it all in  Venezuela, so it does not matter one bit that they that they somehow ended up back there. They love the sympathy that they are getting though and it is probably due a lot their own spin that they put out there anyway. I am the evil one who is making too big a deal about nothing or what I deserved at least. It also shifts the focus away from the possibility that they did something wrong in the US. They hope that no one catches on that they might be avoiding questioning and  possible punishment for something.

Ghost Song

Evil E is so good at f-ing with people so it is noticeable to his target and virtually nobody else. He gets into mischief that there are no established laws for and therefore cannot be proved at all really. Since the beginning of time, when has anyone been able to prove that an enemy targeted them with a malicious spell that hurt them or even killed then. Never! He is just talking shit for the most part, whenever and as much as he wants, but that’s not even a crime…yet.

Evil E is back in Venezuela. It appears to be very wealthy part of Venezuela that I never knew about. I never knew a thing about Venezuela, since coming across this family. I have at least googled Venezuela, by now, and pay attention anytime I hear anything about Venezuela on the news. Like any country, I am sure they have very wealthy cities and very wealthy families. E- is in that world, I think. He brags on Instagram like anyone else. A lot of his posts mimic the MTv show cribs, where famous people show off their homes and rides. E told me that they were rich like that a long time ago. I believe it. I think they are possibly a little famous in Venezuela. E is like a model/celebrity who people take professional pictures of when he surfs/rides motorcycles etc. The fame and the money give him power and privilege to get away with a lot of shit unfortunately. I don’t think the police or government of Venezuela gives a damn about what he is doing to me in the US. They don’t know and don’t care. It is how E told me it was, in the US. “The police don’t have the wherewithal to handle a situation like this!” He is better off in Venezuela, as he could never get extradited for this. He didn’t kill anyone, so I am stuck with him. He just shit talks to me (whenever he wants) manipulates me and embarrasses me, for amusement.

I was watching one of E’s stories and he was bragging about his life and leisure on the sand in Venezuela. He played this Jim Morrison song which f-d with me. It said something about hearing voices. I read into everything too much. I guess it’s my fault for looking at his stupid public instagram. He tries to make himself look, likable, busy doing his thing, and loving on his family. There is nothing about  using Santeria to get where he is in life or being open to that for the sake of revenge. You could never tell that he would need to do that or be willing to do that either. He portrays this privileged guy who is just so rich. He enjoys his life. He has every toy he could ever want. He is low key famous and people want to know everything that he is doing. People want to be like him too.  I think a lot of people in the US, and around me locally, wish they had the magical powers to F- with people for fun, for protection, and for revenge. Many people are so amused by my situation. Am I getting my just dessert? I never even touched the man! Usually that happens at some point, before the rage and revenge begins. We have never chatted in person and I have never had his phone number. It’s all my fault though. Everything is my fault. I don’t think anyone ever hexed Trey.  He probably still doesn’t even believe me ,which is why he never left Maeve or tried to help me for 10 years now.

Maybe it is just a “midlife crisis,,” as Evil E has said a million times. I do have psychosis. Just yesterday I was tripping out because I thought I sw John Densmore driving past me. Then I thought, wait, no, isn’t he dead already? My mind plays tricks on me all the time, in addition to my haters and Stans all around me who intentionally mess with me. 

Good morning to you too!

 Maeve: All you ever do is complain and steal other women’s husbands! That’s the consensus from the women in your neighborhood. You have a great life. You have a life of leisure. You are getting your nails done on Veterans Day! The seasalt deluxe pedicure because your life is so stressful! You work so hard! You deserve a break today! It’s all about you on Veteran’s Day!  Thanks for nothing! People hate you, so be forewarned!

Alice’s Italian Restaurant was closed tonight

 So I ate at the crappy, downgrade restaurant next door called Forchettaboutit. My daughters always look at the menu beforehand to decide if they want to eat there, and decide what they want to eat. So we were all set. We were going to Forchettaboutit to eat. When we walked through the door, the waitress told us that all of their indoor, empty tables were unavailable. “You will have to sit outside” she said. What? I asked her, if there were heat lamps outside and she groaned and said yes, but they aren’t on. Then she shrugs her shoulders and says, “Ok, I will turn them on.”  Like it’s such a burden on her.  It’s not like she had to find  a match to light it either. She literally walked over, flipped a switch, and left. This bitch. I was pissed off, while we were there. That party of 4, in the second picture, walked in later. I don’t think it was a “we didn’t have a reservation” situation because I don’t think this dive, hole-in-the-wall, restaurant requires reservations. Business is spotty and they usually have plenty of room. Maybe their shitty employees are the reason why. On the way home, I was venting more vocally, in front of my daughters, which is always a mistake. Sophia can tune me out and she doesn’t think about it too hard. But me pointing out that I was upset and offended, by our treatment at the restaurant, made Olivia cry. Then I started crying. She said, “Does everyone hate me? Maybe we had to sit outside because they didn’t want people with Autism inside?”

I want to start off saying that I hate the flack people get for saying reverse racism. Ok, I will say that what I experienced was racism from Mexican and Latin American folks, who probably side with Evil E and his family. What? You don’t believe me? The story that I am putting out there, into the universe, is totally racist? Ok, if it’s not true, blaming what I am hearing on an innocent family from Venezuela, is racist. Indeed, I acknowledge that. I still think it is happening, unfortunately no one is opening their mind up to that possibility or they think that I am a home wrecker, who deserves to be hexed. The family at the long table against the wall, looked possibly Venezuelan, possibly related to E, so that would explain the bad vibes directed at me. But if these people didn’t know me, this is racism, on their part. A lot of assumptions were made about me, at first glance, tonight. Many people are totally fucking with me right now. They are being cruel to me. Body shaming me. Trying every way possible to upset me. If people think the can get away with it, they go for it. They fuck with me, as much as they think they can get away with. It’s fucked up! I take everything that’s happening to me very personally. It’s a huge insult. Everyone trying to mess with my mind, shows their own cruelty. Yes, in the words of Das Efx, “Why is everybody always picking on me?” Mexican American and Latin American people are picking on me the most. I just want you to know.  You are not helping me like you. Many of you are cool and not trying to insult, offend, or mess with me. Say it in Spanish, at least, because I don’t understand what you are saying. The evil witch cackles from inside the restaurant though. They want ME to feel racism and discrimination, firsthand. This is their fully intentional motivation. Why me, though? Why is everyone targeting me? I don’t get it. I am not MAGA Republican racist. I don’t think that I am any more racist than the people who hate me are. I’m pretty cool, but to each their own. I can’t control what you think. They were even acting scared of me. If I sit inside the restaurant, with other people, will that injure or bother the other customers too much? Am I the OG Carlsbad Karen? How did I become the face of racism in Carlsbad? There really is no sympathy or compassion, for my situation. My girls suffered because people hate me. They have colds. I don’t think they coughed, that one second, that we were in the restaurant. I don’t think the decision was made as a Covid precaution. My daughters have Autism. There was no sympathy and no remorse from anyone there either. I’m not the type of bitch to complain to the owner. I’m not going to write a fucked up Yelp review, but Fuck you Forchettaboutit! I will not be back! (Or dining in, at least. Because we liked the food, you know?)

*** I know sitting outside is not the end of the world, but we usually sit inside, especially at night, when it’s cold, and my kids already have colds. We just gave the girls Covid tests this morning and the results are negative for Covid, as we thought.

Joke of the day

 They say that the economy is going to be so much better once Donald Trump is back in office.

Yeah, I hear oven makers are going to make a killing.

Between every demonized race and ethnic group, people with disabilities and mental handicaps, the mentally ill, people who are overweight, every Democrat (especially if they are outspoken) We are really going to need a lot more ovens and big ones. I have mental illness and I am obese. I’m sure there are other qualifiers, according to MAGA. I am not currently having sex with my any heterosexual white man, so what good am I? I am a goner! Make room in the oven for me!

Ultimately, if America became an all white society, people would start to see ethnic differences, among all the white European Americans here. The remaining inhabitants of America would then turn on each other . That sounds fun. MAGA is moving America towards extinction, not greatness. Let’s kill ourselves off, why don’t we? Hopefully,  Donald Trump and his cronies are just bluffing and trying to get a rise out of us. Hopefully, someone stops Donald Trump and RFK Jr. etc. Hopefully, they never have the power to do all the horrible things they promised to do while campaigning. 

Performative Empathy

 I feel like everyone gets a kick out of getting a rise out of me. It began in childhood and adolescence, continued through college, and has always been a part of my life. It’s definitely worse than ever right now. When I realized that the drugs I grew up taking, made me feel like I was stuck in a permanent bad trip, I felt trapped and blamed myself. I wished that I knew beforehand that my family had some mental health issues and I possibly had a genetic disposition towards mental illness. The drugs ultimately pushed me over the edge. I have never unstuck myself either. Medication obviously doesn’t work. 

The man who stalked me in college, continues to stalk me. There is no foreseeably end game either. I will be 50 years old in January and he still just drives past me. Should I continue to be flattered? He never forgot me! He still has feelings for me! Things were going so well without him too! I had moved on. I got married and I had my kids, like I wanted. I had a comfortable, full life. I think my mental health took a huge downturn, after I finished having my children. I wanted children. I enjoy and love my children. I don’t regret having children. I couldn’t see doing anything differently. Mr. Wonderful from college, I believe, didn’t want kids, He wasn’t ready to settle down and he would never move to Los Angeles, my hometown, with me. After college, he took time off. He enjoyed himself and sowed his wild oats. He continued to sow his wild oats I think, when he began going to medical school and eventually became a doctor. I knew, in college, that he would not make it out of medical school single. He was too cute! It didn’t help that he met some cute sorority girl and when she set her sights on him, it was all over. She is probably plenty extroverted and outgoing. There was no need to muster the strength or courage to talk to her. She probably just came up to him and started talking. They married the year I gave birth to Peter, my son, in 2010. I was enjoying my children in 2010. I had loved being pregnant, even though my husband never pampered me at all, like some women’s husbands do. Being pregnant felt wonderful and exciting.  Being pregnant gave me something wonderful to look forward to.  I looked forward to bringing each of my three sweet souls into the world. It was a sweet time. I was happy and fulfilled. I think everything would have remained good, as it was, if I didn’t think that I kept seeing that guy from college, driving past me all the time. What could he be doing here? I thought he was from Northern California somewhere? I believed that I may have had an actual option and could leave my husband, if things went downhill.  This perceived college aquaintance presence became a total distraction and a temptation for me. My husband grew cranky, from long days at work, commuting, and the stress of children. You can’t be the baby, when you have a baby, is a joke I heard. Men definitely hate the disappearance of all their free time and the reduction of spontaneity and opportunities for sex. The fact that sex was never something that I was interested in with my husband or looked forward to is telling. Did I even want the husband or just the kids? Should I leave my husband, for a man who never asked me out in college, never kept in touch, and certainly hesitated, and certainly doubted that he wanted marriage and children with me. He may have heard through the grapevine that my mental illness was a severe one. He probably didn’t even want kids at all. The timing made a future for us impossible. 

When I became convinced it was really him. I was flattered and acknowledged that I was still very attracted to Trey. I became obsessed with him and waited for him to rescue me from my imperfect life. He’s no Prince Charming, though really. He’s more like Duckie from Pretty In Pink. Is a man a sweet, potential romantic interest, if he keeps his feelings a secret, never cuts to the chase, and asks her out? That’s not sweet. That’s just a stalker! That movie weirdly romanticized stalking. I am a little messed up from it too.

Anyway, I am so tormented by my hallucinations and my delusion, that he is down here. I assume that he intends to carry me off into the sunset, but not quite sure. 

I feel like complete strangers are judging me now. Are people reading my blog? Am I home wrecker? Is that how others perceive me? I never even touched the guy! Do people think that this is my fault? Why do I think that I see celebrities driving past me all the time? I see celebrities everywhere around Carlsbad! This can’t be real! Why is everyone making fun of my double chin?

 I feel like the fat shaming has been bubbling up and now that Trump had been elected, we will be seeing fat shaming in epic proportions, along with every other form of discrimination and physical attribute that is demonized. Scary. Today I was driving my son home from school and we were near Home Depot. Some blue collar looking guy at a stop light, drove past me, and turned to go into the Home Depot parking lot. He was so cruelly motioning to his double chin. I have been getting so much of that from so many random hateful haters, but this guy did too much. He looked super mean. He looked like some asshole MAGA guy. I looked back at the hateful expression on his face and that did me in. I was thinking that this guy is just pissed because he’s broke! He looks like some MAGA asshole, who is attracted to women, yet hates women at the same time! He can’t deal with my physical imperfections. Us women really need to step it up now! So let’s create a controlling, bullshit law for that too. It’s like, what is this world coming to? Like just, push me into an oven for being fat and having a double chin, why don’t you? MAGA is the party of Nazi’s.  Looks like a lot of us will be pushed in together, I guess!! We would be sainted and martyrs too, at least! On the other hand, the MAGA afterlife burn will be long and drawn out.

After I got home, I started guilt tripping myself over what happened with the mean guy driving by. I thought, you know he’s probably a vet or something and Monday is Veterans Day. I should just chill.  He may be a police man who is helping to look into my situation too. He’s definitely not the first person to try and give me a hard dirty look and make fun of me, at the same time. I never wanted people to be jealous of me. It’s one of the hardest things for me. It’s triggering. I shouldn’t put that out there, because if I tell all of my haters, they will do just that to bug me. People love to get a rise out of me. I feel attacked by many people, at the same time, right now. Like, WTH is going on here? 

A lot of people in my circle aren’t even going to fake any compassion or sympathy for me either. You know my situation. Do you think this is all my fault? I brought this on myself? Burn me at the stake, why don’t you? Mental illness, shmillness! No one thinks schizoaffective disorder makes my life harder, in any way? My life is just a piece of cake? What part of my life, amuses you the most? The hallucinations? The delusions? The paranoia? The anxiety spikes? The hypersensitivity? The overthinking? The conclusion that I am being hexed? The possibility that I really am being hexed? I would take performative empathy, at this point. But sympathy is hard for people around me to even fake right now.

I was imagining what Syd went through, after he was tricked and kicked out of Pink Floyd. Roger tried to reach out to Syd a few times to apologize apparently, but he never reached him. People really enjoyed the music, but didn’t seem to realize or care just how fucked up what happened to Syd was. He probably disconnected his phone and tv. He didn’t want to hear about Pink Floyd or listen to their music, I am sure. He didn’t want to talk about or answer questions about them with random people. How humiliating must that have been? I would have become a hermit too. I imagine all the annoying and ignorant questions he must have been asked when he was out in public, like “Hey, aren’t you Syd Barrett? Weren’t you in Pink Floyd? What happened there? That must have sucked! To be kicked out of the band and watch then achieve huge worldwide success? That must drive you up the wall! So, how’s your mental illness doing? 

Why did Pink Floyd make all of their song subject matter about Syds mental illness? They were imagining and romanticizing schizophrenia, like it’s so cool. Who are they kidding anyway. Syd, I am sure, hated them. He is turning over in his grave every time Roger mentions him. If Syd could say anything from the after life to Pink Floyd it would be, “Oh you wrote a few songs about me? That’s so flattering? How can I ever repay you?” He’s haunting them now, for sure! Why were they never hexed? When you are the subject and inspiration, for a bands whole song catalog, can you sue for royalties?

Sorry for the long ramble.

Warding off any malevolent spirits

 I am warding off any malevolent spirits that might possibly haunt me tonight  with the help of my new friend.  I have a few loved ones who have passed on that I am thinking of tonight They are all at peace in heaven  t am certain. This snake was very comfortable with me, for some reason. He must be comfortable with my pure sweetness and innocence. He fell right asleep in my arms!

I am the funniest person I know

 I crack myself up all the time and I am shocked when people around me aren’t laughing at my jokes. I don’t get it! At one point, I wanted to be a comedy writer for sitcoms, late night talk shows, and movies. When I get this feedback that I am not funny, to other people, it’s very shocking and disappointing. It just feels like jealousy, to me. I just got a wall of text back from 2 of my female friends for this joke I shared with them.  I blame it on the fact that my humor was crafted in the politically incorrect, and wildly inappropriate 1980’s. I do have a lot of internalized misogyny that may come out in my jokes. I don’t know why I would write jokes for men or try to humor a male audience anyway. That’s so pick me, right? I blame the male dominated comedy world, that I grew up being entertained by. I have been fed a lot of jokes, from a male standpoint, that were awful, but I ended up laughing at these jokes and being entertained by men exclusively. Male humor has always made me laugh. I never got the female comedic standpoint, as there were not many female comedians who were allowed to be funny, shine, and even be given the opportunity for success. My sense of humor also grew out of a defense for bullies and I realized how good it felt to make people laugh, I guess the story of my life remains,  I have to keep laughing at my own jokes and humor myself, because I can’t rely on anyone else to do that for me since I am the funniest person I know!  I also not bother caring what people think about me. Its pointless and problematic.

Sp, in my joke, I said that I am going to make a color coded diagram for men, so they don’t upset their girlfriends or wives, when interacting with other women. (Both in front of their partners and definitely when they are not with them.) The first stage of note is simply being cordial to another woman,  on occasion, one may move up to engaging in some friendly, light banter, This should be acceptable to most reasonable persons, right? I am not saying that I am one of those persons. The progression of this interesting situation is, when a male partner gets into a longer conversation with a random woman. The trouble starts here and then when this conversation starts to run long, the concern may increase. If this male partner loses track of time, the situation moves closer into a murky, grey area that may your partner (me) extremely uncomfortable. At that point, depending on the tone, laughter, and physical proximity between you and that woman, (who is not your partner) you could be accused of flirting. This dilemma could bring about undesired consequences in your romantic relationship. So be considerate of your partners feelings and don’t get carried away.  To steer clear of any possible romantic upheaval, you should end these tempting yet ridiculous conversations, as quickly as possible.

 Ok maybe that wasnt funny and more serious than funny, but I don’t think anyone should be shocked or offended or concerned by my little vignette here. 

I personally have never been that jealous or in a situation where I seriously cared all that much about my partner, If I am recalling correctly. Honestly that was so long ago that, who knows? As everyone in my family remembers, at least, I was basically not too serious with any guys, until I met my husband. No one ever got to the point, where they came over to the house and seriously engaged my crazy family. I feel like I could potentially get paranoid and possessive with someone I was crazy about though .If he was super cute and many women around him, including my female family members, or friends were attracted to my man, I could definitely get in that headspace. It hasn’t happened yet, but I am not ruling out that it ever will. Does anyone seriously have that kind of lust, passion, and emotions running wild, in romantic relationships in the 50+ age group? I may have missed the window of opportunity for this, so I guess we’re good!

Best costume

 This is great! If I were skinny and living in New York, I would totally rock this! New York is calling you back, Maeve!

I want to add that the attempt of certain individuals to fake their innocence, in person and on the internet, is totally annoying! If your life is so perfect, money is in abundance, everyone around you worships you,, and you basically live  a life of leisure, why would you risk it all to verbally abuse me and Lord knows whatever  else mischief you are up to? Just because you have the haircut of a five year old and have an innocent persona, does not make you innocent. This carefully crafted disguise just makes you seem like a very calculated, cunning actress. Posing with animals and declaring your love for them, doesn’t mean all animals apparently. How do you distinguish between the animals that you love and pamper vs. the ones that you use for animal sacrifice? 

I honestly have no idea how you are doing what you are doing, because I am not a witch, but I hope we can all get a better understanding of your crimes and potential to commit crimes with the help of your witchcraft. You may have fooled many people, including those around you in Santa Cruz, but I know the truth. You are a stubborn, competitive, and malicious witch, posing as sweet Mrs.Perfect doctors wife, I am sorry (not sorry) that your world is crumbling around you, but you saw this coming ages ago. This has been dragged out for 10 years now because your version of the perfect man, didn’t feel the same way about you. He was afraid of your wrath and losing the comfortable life he had. He had been living in Santa Cruz with his family, his childhood friends, his well known good reputation, and the career he has established. Now, you are there, refusing to leave and trying to bring on his downfall. You are so jealous and spiteful! It’s ridiculous! You ruined my life many years ago, so I saw this coming , that is, his life going downhill, because of you. You and your cousins have been harassing me for 10 years. When are you actually going to get over this and move on?  It’s about time for you to get over it and move on, as well ,as your equally evil cousins I’m so confused, because I don’t think my cousins would really give a rip, if I got divorced or not. I mean, they would not make it their problem. So again, you are making my family look like saints, compared to yours, Maeve, saints!

The Season of the Witch

 

Here is my version of a Stevie Nicks-esque witch. I need a too hat too, but I hate how hats look on me. I am cooking up a reverse hex right now.You can see the evil in my eyes too, E! Here is me attempting to look scary or at least give you a dirty look. I hope the consequences of the evil hex you sent my way, will catch up to you.soon. Payback is a bitch, so be forewarned! If you want to push the boundaries of what is legal, so be it. You don’t care about tempting fate. You are cocky and assume that you will get away with this. Taunting me is one thing. Tainting the police is another.  You want to risk losing the warmth and ease of your life.? Well, to each his own. YouMaybe we can create a new law with my name on it, in order to help others who have been hurt and harassed by harmful hexes. Anyway, Happy Halloween Eve to the rest of the world!

Monday Night Blessing

 

Having too much fun today!

 

Coincidence?

https://www.tmz.com/2024/10/21/surfer-giulia-manfrini-dead-speared-swordfish/

Coincidence? I think not. This spoke to me, as I was just saying that I hope Evil E gets eaten by sharks. This isn’t helping my fear of swimming in the ocean or my paranoia about the intentions/capabilities of E and his family. Santeria is no joke. The deceased surfer has an Italian last name and was pierced through the heart. Again, this is nothing that could ever be proven, but it seems like a message from the devil (E) not to cross him or wish him ill. Noted, Evil E. Temper temper! Some people can’t take a joke! I believe this was your doing, but who knows? I am just a superstitious woman with psychosis, so don’t take my word for it!

Let’s not do this!

 Let’s not fight over a man! The man may enjoy this a lot and may be inclined to drag this out as long as possible.  He is probably sitting back laughing and enjoying the whole thing! He probably loves this and it may feed his ego too much, which would be dangerous for the woman who comes along next. Not sure it will be me, in this scenario. This fighting is a waste of energy for us. Is he really worth the chaos involved in fighting over him? In my opinion , the verdict is still out!

Watch this!

 Watch this movie, if you want to be scared silly! It’s slightly campy, so not sure if I will be laughing or unable to sleep tonight! A movie like this should be made about Santeria! Let’s drag them, too! It’s long overdue, I would say!  This shit is real though! know who could play the Santeria high priest and priestesses!

## I just watched the beginning of this movie and I am offended and opposed to using any racial epithets  as used in this movie.

## I noticed that Mr. Slick (Evil E) deleted a comment referring to his friends as the N-word! He’s overstepping his boundaries trying to use that word. He’s totally f-d up if you didn’t catch his sneakiness. I see you, E! Withholding the truth like to do is definitely sus!

Well well well!

 If it isn’t my arch rival’s kid sister! Hey, I see you have the same haircut from when you were three years old. Are you trying to look young and innocent, with that baby haircut? It’s not working. Neither is your weird disguise. Are you supposed to look 90 years old today, with your same haircut that you have had your entire life? Weird! You were wearing all that crazy makeup, but I still see the real hater that is sitting before me. Wow. The R-rs do not age well, at all! You are that ugly, inside and out! I have to tell the R-r sisters that your dark side is so very dark! I mean everyone has a dark side, to some degree,, but yours is crazy dark! Underneath that innocent looking exterior, are two witch bitches! You and Maeve and her friend group are weirdly all childless at 40+. I respect that, I guess, because it’s definitely for the best.  The Lord works in mysterious ways and you all should not bring children into the world. I am not even sure that you are 100% human. Maybe that’s why you don’t have any children. We don’t need anymore demons, like you, in the world!  It was great to meet your witch kid sister, Maeve! I have to say, that you are making my family look so completely sane! We look like saints ,compared to you and your family! 

You are 100% correct. Maeve! You did do more than me, for Trey! You moved across the country for him! You did your CrossFit workouts every damn day! You played Betty Homemaker. You won over his family and kept in their good graces. What could have been the problem? Maybe it was your family  Santeria spells and hexes? Do you think that could have been the problem? I don’t think he liked that very much! He finally saw an opening and he ran for his life! Good for him! He finally escaped!

I know that there is no guarantee that Trey and I will get together and stay together. I know that you will continue to do whatever you can, to sabotage our chances of moving on together. You have a group jinx going, at the very least! I really hope that my turn to make you pay, for the turmoil and abuse, you have caused me, comes around very soon!

Top jokes about my situation lately

 I took my daughters to El Coyote restaurant in Old Town a few weekends ago and as we were walking in and sitting down, another restaurant patron yelled “Check please!” I thought I heard some people laughing. It is freaking other people out, especially if you are superstitious. No one needs this kind of additional stress in their lives. Many people think that I am a home wrecker who deserves every bit of this revenge mental abuse. This judgemental mindset and mockery is making my situation even worse. Nothing has gotten any better in 10 years. No one is communicating with me about any sort of help I may receive, People are just making jokes, acting like they could care less, or looking at me with hate filled eyes. Part of the problem is that Santeria isn’t a huge problem in Carlsbad. Very little is known about this and there is no specific law to prevent, end, or prosecute this. How much time, can one person serve for general criminal mischief? Another cause of ignorance to my situation is that no one can relate or have knowledge about what I am experiencing mentally, unless they have heard voices before. At the very least, this a 10 year psychotic break, that continues endlessly dragging me through this same story every day. It is Groundhog Day for me every day. I have been trying to get help and get through to people this whole time, but their reactions are not what I expected or hoped for.  Because of my schizoaffective disorder diagnosis, no one believes the story I am telling. The voices in my head are just a byproduct of my mental illness. My mental illness is not a mild one either, it’s the most debilitating mental illness someone could be diagnosed with. I am just a medication-resistant schizoaffective woman, right? Apparently, the medication is not working for me!  The abusive voices and the delusion of being targeted and hexed are classic textbook experiences resulting.from stubborn, treatment-resistant psychosis. On the other hand, if hexing is possible and powerful, it is the perfect form of attack, spying, and mental abuse that may never be fully realized, proven, or punished. Evil E has been getting away with this for 10 years now and I am so sick of this!

On the flip side, I sometimes sense that people have read my story and they identify me, as the person at the center of this. Yes, I am involved in some crazy shit because I was tempted to do something with someone that would cause harm to their romantic relationship and family. Mate poaching is a prosecutable offense in other states but thankfully not in California. Everyone is clinging to their partner more tightly, when they see me. The potential of being hexed or being the victim of a crime of passion is scaring people into staying with their original partners. I think the consensus now, is having an affair or dumping someone for someone out there, that you think is better, is dangerous!  Just stick with your original partner, it’s not worth the headache!

The joke that I heard while I was at the Pancake House this morning (don’t food or fat shame me for that) is referring to my situation as “The Latin Mission Impossible.” Take note, if this hex was investigated, it could possibly help the U.S. foresee potential attacks and get into the minds of opposing political leaders around the world. It’s easy espionage, without having to leave the United States! Let’s just go with that idea for the sake of our country’s safety! Just kidding for my sake! That’s all! Help me!

Evil E and his crew in SD (2014)

 I was scrolling through E’s Instagram and I came across this god awful picture of Evil E and his crew of asshole friends from when he was living here in 2014. 2014 is the year, I believe, that E started hexing me. I apologize for the most horrible offensive part of this picture (the guy dressed as a Klan member or  maybe he’s a joint but he looks too similar to me. Could be both) ) E really was like The Proud Boys, when he was living in San Diego. He did not give a rip about racism towards other minority groups or the white supremacy of the douchebags he was rolling with. Just stand there and pose next to your Klan like a chump, E! He gives zero fucks. Idiot, he is and they are. But, look at these assholes! I know that people have the impression that I am racist because I looked at this Venezuelan guy E, thought he was evil looking, and created this whole bs story about it. But here we are, and these are all of his equally evil-looking,  intimidating white cronies. I hope they don’t see this blog or this doesn’t get back to them.  I see all sorts of evil this picture, a definite crime element, racism, misogyny, even rape. I do peg them for being rapists too. You are the company that you keep, so I am not surprised that Evil E was surrounding himself with the biggest assholes possible in 2014. I am sure they egged E on and were down to assist or have his back in his evil deeds. I am truly scared of all of the dudes pictured here.

And Happy Anniversary to me! It’s been 10 whole years since Evil E started hexing me ,still no one believes me, is helping me, or could stop him even if they did believe me.