Kohls Employees sheesh!

 Kohl’s employees: “I hate these white women who come in here and buy whatever they want! Fuck these bitches, really! I don’t know how to deal with them. At least I’m not a fake bitch!”

Me: “No, you are an outwardly evil and jealous bitch! That’s a double whammy! Well, actually she’s just jealous to the extreme, where she lets it overtake her, so she risks losing her job, acting hateful and unprofessional to customers.” Don’t test me though, because you don’t know what I would do if we actually did throw down! Don’t assume that you would just beat the hell out of me! Remember, I’m crazy!

That’s a lot of acting out to the random customer, who is just shopping and minding their own business, I don’t even know these women. I do not know them personally and have always been courteous while shopping at Kohl’s. You people don’t value your employment at Kohl’s very much. You even tailor-made the music to be insulting and misogynistic and weird for me the entire time I was shopping there?! You really know how to drive away customers, idiots. I could complain to management because these jackass employees are going to try and get away with as much as they can to fuck with me, they just look at us and are eaten up by their own jealousy. Just push push push me as far as you can, bitch! Crazy shit! Who hires these idiots?

Weird lesbians stalking me

 Now I am being targeted by lesbians. There are these low key closeted lesbians driving around Carlsbad, who are obsessed with me. Is acting out Mean Girls a thing for adult women, even lesbian women nowadays? I just saw the meanest random lesbian drive by. She was thin with no fat whatsoever under her chin so she lifted her chin upwards to show it off and rub it in my face. Lady, I am not checking for you or lesbians/women in general. We are obviously not in competition for the same men. The men who are attracted to me would not be attracted to you. You are obviously on the prowl for women. Stop trying to join in on the cruelty and being obsessed with me! Please leave me the hell alone, just keep it moving, and quit being such a hater! Weird!

It sucks that The Truman Show ended so abruptly.  You never get to see the lingering psychological effects that he experienced from being set up, lied to by everyone he knew, and by having his reality come crashing down around him. Not to mention the embarrassment he experienced realizing that he was being filmed and broadcasted live to the public for humor and entertainment. This sucks, because no one cares what I am feeling . It’s like I am a really tv character who people despise, like Tom Sandoval or now even Dave Grohl. Are these random strangers trying to get attention or be a part of this weird thing I am at the center of? Wouldn’t it be a hoot to humiliate Danielle and then read her blog roast as she attempts to get me back? “I hate her so much! I don’t know Danielle in real life, but I feel like I hate her. What a bitch!’

I apologize

 I apologize that your parents got divorced when you were 6 years old. I apologize that your husband or wife left you. I apologize that you lost all of the hair on your head and are now completely bald! I apologize that you can’t get a good paying job or get a nice car. I apologize that you can’t forgive your ex and that you see them in me and my story. You are unfairly blaming me and transferring all of your own issues and negativity onto me. Why is everyone staring at me, motioning to me, and making fun of me? Complete strangers think they know me and are talking about me. I can’t put my finger on who conjured all of this up? Who could it be? It’s a mystery! I absolutely do know though. Don’t come for me, so close to Halloween! It’s witch hunting season, so I must declare that I am not a witch. I am not the witch in this story, but I will sure as hell, point the way to the actual witch!

Moving…

 I do want to move out of fat phobic San Diego, but I won’t say where to, because, you know, stalkers gonna stalk. I can’t move away from my voices or my problems because I am being messed with by random people from San Diego to LA at this point. I am famous or infamous for the worst reasons possible. Being hexed and my reputation distorted and smeared by Maeve and her witch family has been a great contribution to my life and mental wellbeing! I think my ego is definitely in check. I don’t need help from strangers. I’m sorry you are heartbroken and you hate your life, oh random people driving past me. I only have to apologize to the wife of Trey really but I know you paint me as the villain in all of your lives too. Save me from you dumping all of your childhood trauma on me. This has nothing to do with you. Do you think that me, being the center of a Truman show is just hilarious? I know some of you assholes are actually rooting for the witch bitch and her family. Wouldn’t it be just fantastic for this hex to drag on forever, with no consequences to the actual witches? It’s my own little hell on Earth, struggling with my mental health, all the while, being judged and hated by all of the miserable losers of the world. Is it ok for me to feel good about myself and you know, have a healthy self esteem? You all seem hate-filled and a little jelly. Why does my story and my situation trigger you so much? You paint me as this full on home wrecker. You are the ones with zero sympathy, for poking fun and seriously messing with someone who you know has schizoaffective disorder. Who are you to judge? These people have obviously been dumped by their partners and are still trying to figure out why. It’s not my fault that you are stressing over whether your partner is unhappy and looking to move on. Whats wrong with realizing someone is “the one who got away” and your feelings for them have never changed?  So, just stay in your unhappy marriage, so as not to hurt your partners feelings? Many of you are in boring, loveless marriages, but you just want to sit back and judge. You all suck, but I guess you are going to continue to blame me for your life’s problems and continue the witch-hunt. Remember, dumped losers and insecure married couples, in my neighborhood, I am not coming for you and your old fart husband so…relax! But thanks for reading and sharing my blog, buying my book, and just devouring my story, stalkers and cheapskates!

It’s not my fault…

 To all the people feeling brave and trying to humiliate me by pulling on their own under chin fat, while driving past me, it’s not my fault! It’s not my fault that you are ugly. It’s not my fault that you are involuntarily celibate. It’s not my fault that your wife cheated on you or left you for someone rich, good looking, nice, and just all around better than you! I mean, can you blame her? Since when did I become the scapegoat for everyone else’s failed marriages? I don’t apologize for feeling that someone else’s husband is my “one that got away” and for being upset over it. He obviously feels the same way, because he is here now, and not in Santa Cruz with Maeve. He was the one who started appearing here to tempt me and to send me some sort of message. (That no one believed was real)  He started it, by checking on me here and trying to get my attention. I never once traveled to Santa Cruz to do that. I don’t care what you think truly, but who are you to judge? I don’t know these people at all. They are complete strangers who are looking at me with hate in their eyes and mocking me. I am funnier than you, though. If it weren’t so unexpected, it wouldn’t be so frustrating. I never saw that man with the ugly, dirty, flat, mousy brown hair until he started shit with me today. It’s on though! You are ugly in my book!  You are just an ugly incel with misogynistic hate in your head and in your cold heart! I hope women continue to reject your sexual advances! I wish you a lifetime filled with sexual rejection and masturbation, as your only sexual outlet!!

My Sprouts La Costa adventure today

 I do wonder if local Latino people read my blog and despise what I am writing here. I get dirty looks all the time from Latinos, but I actually have since I moved to Carlsbad in 1999. This was before I started having issues with Maeve and before I wrote my book or started this blog. This is just the way it is. I feel racial tension here in Carlsbad that other people may not notice or care about at all. I used to shop at a Ralph’s, by my parents house, and I thought everyone who worked there hated me, well they were jealous of me, for sure. I remember when I got engaged, I went grocery shopping for the first time, wearing my engagement ring, and this Latin woman who worked there but was never friendly to me, grabbed my hand to get a closer look at my ring, and she made some comment which only came across as weird and jealous.  I went shopping there with my sister once. I told her that no employee there had ever been friendly to me. She said, “Of course they aren’t. They work at Ralph’s. They hate their job and their life.” It was shockingly rude to say that, while they were in earshot, but it’s true nevertheless. I don’t think you are required to be cordial, much less friendly, while working as a cashier or bagger at certain grocery stores. 

Today I got so much jealous energy, by basically every employee, at Sprouts La Costa. I know there are cameras everywhere. Is anyone going to check the employees on their attitude problem? Who hired them and do the employees ever get disciplined for rudeness to customers? I wonder. I also thought I heard a female employee call me a bitch as I left? Employees are going to push me as far as they can, if they think they can get away with it.  I feel like, I don’t give off Karen vibes (although they do) so I won’t blow my stack in public or even speak to the manager. Therein lies the problem. I look somewhat Latin or more Italian really and possibly I look rich/spoiled to people . That bothers people who see me as someone somewhat Latin but much more well off financially. Oh well! I can’t control their jealousy. It is what it is. It’s disappointing because I feel so much cooler than the more white, entitled folks, but instead of appreciating that I am not hassling them over anything, they take out their jealous aggression on me. It sucks, but I am used to it. It trips me out that people take jobs in La Costa when they actually despise wealthy, white people, even the ones not making waves for them or giving them bad vibes.

OK, no one wants my two cents on professionalism when, as of this year, I have not worked professionally for 20 years, but I thought it was a given that people were supposed to hide their hatred of their job, the customers there, and life, in general, to remain employed. You can’t bring your problems and bad attitude to work, but I guess if everyone else at your work is in cahoots with you, you can get away with it? There is a joke about using a fake voice for customer service jobs and I would prefer an obviously fake, friendly and professional customer service voice/attitude than what I get at certain stores. I still love Gelsons though, as I know they appreciate my business and everyone there is polite, pleasant, and just genuinely nice.