Cottony clouds fill up the sky tonight

 Do you see any faces in the clouds? Do you see any eyes staring back at you? I honestly think I see Trey looking back at me.

 

Deflect the Hex!

I was watching the San Francisco 49ers play the LA Rams today when a voice tried to rattle me. I was rooting for the 49ers, home team to Trey Sanders.

Maeve: Maeve is talking to you. I am hexing the 49ers to lose. Watch my powers! Be forewarned! I hate you, so be forewarned, I am hexing your team to lose today! And why are you rooting for my man’s team? You have never spent longer than 2 minutes in San Francisco, just driving through? How dare you!

Me: and I deflect your hex right back at you! My man’s team and my team are winning! You can fly your butt back to FarmVille, New York or wherever the hell you came from! Be forewarned!

Maeve: and you’re a traitor to boot. Aren’t you from Los Angeles?  I am not going anywhere bitch! I am celebrating (your loss) with my man Trey tonight, so be forewarned!! Eat your heart out! How does it feel to lose bitch? My husband and I are making sweet love next, so be forewarned!!

Matteo pretending to be Trey: It’s unnecessary for you to cheer on the 49ers when you are born and bred in LA. I am in love with you, regardless. Be forewarned! 

Matteo: I cruelly pretend to be Trey all the time, just to mess with you. Be forewarned. You can’t speak to each other telepathically. You’re not soulmates, who can read each other’s minds. There’s no such thing as soulmates! You’re just stupid, ridiculous, and very gullible. And we are hexing you!!

You learn something new everyday

 https://www.hoover.org/research/why-shoplifting-now-de-facto-legal-california

I went to Gelsons today and two teenage shoplifters were walking out, when I was walking in. The cashiers were yelling at them.  When I asked  my cashier about it, upon my checking out, I learned about our permissive, careless, California shoplifting non-laws. I was educated by the cashier about the recent uptick in shoplifting too. What a sad state of the world we live in and boy,  do I feel “out of it” for being so behind-the-times and not knowing about this until today.

My usual haunts

 

It was a dark and stormy night

 Just kidding. This is California and there is no storm in sight. 😂 Peace!!

47 with a vengeance

 Feeling every bit of 47 today but doing my best to embrace my age and enjoy my life-wrinkles and all!

Is this for real?

Sometimes people say mean things to you and that’s the truth. People say things that hurt your feelings. Often these things are said by those people who are closest to you, like your family. Maybe I am just feeling sensitive because it’s my birthday weekend. It is just eerie how mean people are being, as if they are channeling my voices.

Instance #1 today 

Me: My friend was warning me that she is a brutally honest person and she has other friends that allow her to be her brutally honest self. Her friends are brutally honest right back at her. She loves this freedom to have no filter. They say things to each other like, “Oh you look fat in that dress.”

Stephen: Don’t allow her to be brutally honest with you. You are going to start hearing how fat you look all the time.

Me: ???

Instance #2 today 

Me: This mask is bothering me. I don’t know how you children wear them for hours at a time at school. Good for you for wearing your mask though!

Oldest daughter: It’s probably because you’re old! I mean, that is why you have a harder time wearing a mask for a long time. We are young so it’s different, easier.

Me (scoffs) Old? You’re calling me old?

Second oldest daughter: She’s not wrong. You’re almost 50! That’s old!

Great birthday weekend! Happy birthday to me! 😂 

 

Saturday morning Santeria?

Valentina: So, you assume that we are practicing Santeria because we are Venezuelan and you are hearing voices in your head? That’s completely ignorant and inaccurate! First of all, we are practicing Voodoo on you. Get it straight!!

Maeve:…and we have no plans of stopping. It’s just harmless fun, right? Be forewarned!

My daughter and her awesome cheerleading squad

 

One thing that cannot be disproven

 https://theswaddle.com/why-do-internet-witches-keep-hexing-things/

The writer of this article says that there is nothing wrong with hexing because nothing bad can come from it. I beg to differ. Unless you dabble in witchcraft or have been on the receiving end of a hex, then you really shouldn’t talk. Hexing is something that can’t be proven or disproven, so just leave it at that. There is a possibility that the more agile witch who is proficient in spell casting and hexing might be successful in their attempts at harming another person. I believe that dark magic spells can be a powerful, harm-inducing act.  Even the knowledge that someone is actively hexing you is aggravated harassment, at the very least. It is not merely a cool form of political protest. If harm comes from a hex then criminal charges should be brought upon that person. I am not a witch burner but I am a maligned individual seeking the end of my abuse who wants a light shown on this subject, so no one else suffers from this.

The sun is setting on my 47th birthday!!

 I had a nice day!!

My birthday cards and flowers

 These are purple rununculus, like found at the Carlsbad Flower Fields. After I dropped the kids off to school, I took a walk with my Dad. On the drive home, I thought I saw Trey in the ocean surfing, but it probably wasn’t him. As I got closer to home, a voice chimed in to rain on my parade.

Matteo: Happy birthday, bitch! Be forewarned! You’re not getting any younger! Be forewarned!

The cutest and nicest guy you ever met…

 Is being help captive by a dragon. What do you do?

IRL Given my track record, I would run like hell, in the opposite direction! I could have walked off into the sunset with him, if only I had a little courage!! It is more about a fear of falling in love, than a fear of the dragon. He had a great dragon 🐉 though!

Preach Captain!

Yes, I was too afraid to put myself out there and risk embarrassment, risk unrequited feelings. Also, I don’t know how to flirt so I basically don’t flirt. I clam up instead! So, he ended up with some hyper-aggressive, competitive, Sorority girl! She probably made the first move on him. He was as shy as me! In the marriage game, if you wait too long all the good guys your age are taken and you are stuck with the older guys that nobody wanted and other undesirable, undeserving riff raff. (Players, divorcees) Good luck with that!

Maeve: Yes, you started this, and that’s the plain truth! You started creeping around our Facebook pages, hating what you saw, and thinking hateful thoughts about me. You started making your plans to steal my man. You became delusional, thinking that he reciprocated your feelings. He never did. He barely remembers you from college. We are hexing you for obsessing and swooning over my man so much. Not to mention all the jealous, hateful things that you have thought about me. So be forewarned, you are getting what you deserve, finding yourself caught up in my firestorm. I hope you burn in hell!

I am not saying that I regret having children but…

Wow! Should I blame my progression on my having three children or on the natural aging process? I am growing old gracefully and somewhat naturally. No Botox, as of yet, at least!

Nothing better to do

Poetry is just dreams

Never to be reached

Talking to my dreamy soulmate 

Never to be answered 

On the bright side, they aren’t reaching him

I express my feelings and at the same time avoid the pain of loss

So, Why do I bother?

Because I’ve got nothing better to do

Sunset and a cool tree

Need to know (A poem)

What might have been

With the good guy that got away?

I need to know

But can never find out.

 

Esalen?

Esalen? I know that I will probably never go there. Even when I went off my meds and traveled to San Jose, while psychotic, I was called to different places. A Catholic Church, a museum, an outlet mall. lol That’s more my style to keep it real. I am surprised that the voices never instructed me to fly to Santa Cruz, then again the voices were trying like hell to keep me away from Trey, so that’s how it goes. Here are the only pictures I took while is San Jose. So random. You aren’t even supposed to take pictures in church. Oh well. I can’t believe I still have thiese pictures on my camera roll. Good times!

Another love poem?

Beautiful trees

So vibrant and green

The stars of this backyard space 

You give me more

Than I could ever give you in return 

Sometimes I just stare and wonder 

How to capture your natural beauty

And stand next to you 

Without you stealing my thunder 

Maeve: Big Sur is ablaze as we speak, so you are stuck with your lousy backyard trees, I guess. I know that you are just copying us, pretending that you are a hippie! You would love to go to Esalen with my husband! You would love to live my life, but you can’t and you won’t! Rooting for the San Francisco 49ers to win the Super Bowl will not bring you any closer to Trey! You are so cheesy and pathetic! I would hex your team to lose,  but Trey and I are 49ers fans, as you know well! Be forewarned! I am reading your blog and watching you, so any wrong move and you will pay! You will definitely be hearing from me, so be forewarned!

My worst fear for us…

 https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mamamia.com.au/mystify-michael-hutchence/amp/

My worst fear for us is that we tear our current families apart, causing everyone to suffer that terrible trauma, only to split up anyway when the novelty of our new relationship wears off! That is what happened to Michael Hutchence and Paula Yates. Paula broke up her family to be with Michael. Her name was dragged through the mud. Because Paula had children, Michael was forced into a stressful, domestic lifestyle. It was not pure fun and freedom, like the women he dated before. He became a more angry person, a complainer, who ultimately took his own life, as his relationship with Paula ended. Yikes! Depressing!

Maeve: Yes, and I am Helena Christiansen, in this scenario. I was Michael’s  beautiful, model, soulmate who he abandons for a fat, married housewife. It’s crazy!! Be forewarned!

Maeve: I saw you today! I was driving past you and you are every bit of Paula Yates! A home wrecker and a total whore, who Trey wants to act out all of his disgusting, sexual fantasies with. I was the respectable one, who he would never dare attempt those things with. Well, you get what you deserve, so brace yourself! Be forewarned!

I’m 50! 50 years old!

Not quite.  I will be 47 on January 27th!

After I got back from T.J.MAXX

The voices chimed in about a comfy sweatshirt I bought?

Unknown voice: San Diego State? First of all, San Diego is not a state. Boy, she’s really gone downhill since she moved to San Diego. Also, she went to UC Santa Barbara, not SDSU, so she’s repping the wrong school!

Maeve: There is a lot wrong with her sweatshirt! The Aztec is the most culturally offensive of college mascots, so be  forewarned! 

Valentina: Her sweatshirt is hideous to begin with. We should know because Maeve and I are fashion mavens, unlike Danielle, so be forewarned!

Detoxifying ionic foot baths?

 https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nydailynews.com/news/national/man-turned-blue-silver-dies-article-1.1466905%3foutputType=amp

I was talked into taking a detoxifying  foot bath on Monday and my toxins apparently turned the water brown. Gross! Am I dying? What did this accomplish? I still don’t know. I don’t really believe in holistic or homeopathic stuff because there is no proof that it works. Some homeopathic doctors are quacks! Remember when people were ingesting colloidal silver and it turned this mans skin blue? Yikes! I am so sick of taking about these detox baths! I am fine…really!! Talking to homeopathic/holistic people makes me feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. I don’t believe in any of that crap and they always try to convince me that it’s real and works wonders!

This is going to start a whole tirade…

This is going to start a whole tirade from my voices because I am not an “influencer.” I know that I am not an influencer but I wanted to share a great product which surprised me! I have always been sativa skeptical because of what it did to my brain but this worked for me today. Excuse the cringey close-up picture and no, I am not high. At least I don’t think so! I applied this cream on my eyes and it helped with de-puffing and my crows feet! Kate Middleton and Michelle Obama use it too, so I am in good company!

Should I just give up?

Me: Maybe I should just stop blogging here. Maybe I should stop writing about the same old story over and over again, as this is getting me nowhere. I should become a hermit perhaps, because what’s the point anyway?

Maeve: Maybe you should give up fighting the aging process too. Sooner or later, your looks will fade, your boobs will hang to the floor,  and the men will stop haunting you! One can only hope, at least!

Trey: Don’t stop now. Don’t shy away from me. This is a pivotal moment in time. We are on the verge of something great!. Don’t make the same mistake that you made so many years ago. Don’t give up! Look where that got you! Look what became of “us!” Years ago, you were in such a hurry to get married. I felt rushed by you and I hated it! You truly should have waited for me!

Maeve: Yes, you should definitely give up your relentless pursuit of Trey. He is mine now. It’s too late for you, so be forewarned!

It’s not my birthday yet…really!

 Good night!

Love!

 https://nigelivyfilm.com/blog/the-best-elopement-guide-for-eloping-in-ireland

I would love to do this but it’s pure fantasy!!

My niece wants this type of cat!

Why do Maine Coon cats always have this look on their face like they are plotting how to kill and eat you? Or like they are perennially p-d off? lol 

Tuesday Insights from Maeve

Maeve: The reason that Trey Sanders does  not post publicly on Facebook anymore is because one particular crazy woman is completely stalking him online.  We wish to keep our love story visible only to our close family and friends, from now on. Why do you want to view our pictures and posts anyway? To torture yourself? What do you do on our anniversary every year? Drown your sorrows with alcohol…or worse? Save yourself the pain of adding Trey as a Facebook friend again. You will live to regret it! I love to make you suffer extreme envy with every post, but you are already obsessed enough with my man. I am trying to cure you of this obsession, to keep you away from my man, for good. Be forewarned!

Maeve: Silly girl! Why do you end every post with “Be forewarned,” never revealing what we are trying to warn you about? Your writings make zero sense and we want to keep it that way! As we told you before, we don’t want to give you a story to write about or profit from and we certainly don’t want you to incriminate us. Be forewarned! You are better off, as a struggling writer, who no one pays any attention to. Really! It’s for your own good and safety! Be forewarned!

Beautiful roses

 

Trippy poem for you

Let’s go off into the distant sea come along and Fly With Me to the places you never go our love flourishes that never shows talk not of the wine or the feelings inside for mushrooms grow upon the land and deer they jump across the lane why do fish jump in the Stream and the sounds of Mother Nature come around to call you again the end

I’m coming home honey!

 

Maeve: Stupid bitch. He’s in Carlsbad anyway, so where do you think you are going? And guess what? I am also in Carlsbad…tracking your every move. Not that you are doing much with your life! Be forewarned!

Maeve: Reality called and it reminded you that Stephen still considers himself your husband and is out picking you up some dinner for tonight, as I speak to you. Reality is about to call Trey, as well, to let him in on this inside scoop. What are you and Trey thinking? You barely know each other and this is a train wreck waiting to happen. Be forewarned!

Bewitching sunset tonight

Best wishes for you

Even though we aren’t together 

I have nothing but good thoughts about you

I hope you have no regrets in your life

Fill your space with the dreams of yours

Roam wild

Do what you want, freedom child

You own your life and only you

I wish that all of your wishes will come true

Matteo: Roam wild? With Rohmer? Trey is roaming and hiking and sailing and surfing in Santa Cruz with his wonderful wife and my sister Maeve! Be forewarned. This poem…if you can call it that, is a bit redundant. Trey Sanders is doing all these things and loving his wife and life, like he always has. He doesn’t even know you exist, so be forewarned!

Valentina: How many times do I have to tell you that Trey Sanders is not interested in a romantic relationship with you, so be forewarned? Move on with your life and give up your desperate attempts to get him to read your cheesy poems about him! You stole most of this poem from someone on your schizophrenia therapy website anyway!

The Game of Life

In the Game of Life 

To be on the safe side 

Stay on the well-beaten path of sobriety 

But there’s been an unfortunate turn of events

You’ve landed on schizophrenia

And a reliance on antipsychotics to balance your brain 

So now, there is a fork in the road 

You can either take your antipsychotic 

Triggering massive weight gain

And all of the life-shortening conditions that go along with that

Or you can go off your medication 

And possibly self-medicate 

Leading you back into the dark and dangerous forest 

Of unbridled psychosis 

Choose wisely 

And how do you earn an living for yourself 

When you feel like a lost slug and can’t function 

Government assistance doesn’t exactly pay the bills

Abandonment by every helpful individual

Can lead you to another unfortunate event: homelessness 

Which, in turn, also brings you closer to an early death 

Go figure

Take your meds or don’t

For a schizophrenic is doomed either way 

(Just feeling sorry for myself. No really, take your meds as directed always)

A love/hate relationship with my antipsychotic

As much as I hate

The number on the scale

Staring back at me 

I am forever grateful to my antipsychotic 

For keeping me away from 

The darkness and danger

Of unbridled psychosis 

Take note!

 

Deathly afraid of rattlesnakes

 How about you? I was rooting for the bobcat the whole time!

Step it up but don’t beat yourself up

The New Year and doctor visits always remind me to step it up health wise but my medication makes weight loss extra difficult. I am prone to weight gain rather and I can’t afford to do that! I need to lose serious weight! Weight loss seems impossible…unless I plan to starve myself and bounce around like a bitch!

On the bright side I got close to reaching my step goal today. I made a few key diet missteps though that surpassed my exercise gains. Who cares? Not like I am going to lose weight anytime soon.

Matteo: You are the village idiot so be forewarned! Everyone is just laughing at you and and your blog so be forewarned.

Maeve: Why do you try to make fun of me? At least I am physically fit! I am physical perfection to be exact! I live the CrossFit lifestyle and what do you do? You lay on the couch all day like a beached whale. I have no clue what is attracting Trey to you. Is it some sexual memory from the past? That was a million years ago and boy will he be disappointed when he sees you now! Your libido and naked aesthetic are extremely lackluster. He doesn’t know what he is getting into! If only he could see you through my eyes! Your sexual chemistry is nonexistent and everyone will see it. Your coupledom pales in comparison to ours. Trey has lost his mind and the ideal woman for him! Be forewarned!

Prayer of the day

 My sister just sent me this. I agree with this wholeheartedly but if only it were that simple. I can’t seem to shake these thoughts and visions.

Tuesday January 4, 2022

Maeve: I am just sitting here and waiting. Waiting for your attempts to forage a relationship, out of the rubble you left at college, to crash and burn! Isn’t that what you did at the end of the year in Isla Vista? Set your couches and belongings on fire! I can only begin to wonder why you did that, but I can assume it is for some disgusting reason. Only the cockroaches and infestation survived Isla Vista. Your chances of marrying Trey Sanders dwindled upon graduation and where are you now? A million miles away from him. What was it your friend told you today? “This man that you never had a relationship with and who you haven’t spoken to since college is “the one?” You don’t even know his personality or interests or intentions.” You are reaching here. I am hoping that you will come to senses and surrender your pursuit of Trey. I am also waiting for you to ultimately write something here that pisses Trey off so badly that he returns home to me. Be forewarned. 

I realize that no one understands my obsession with this man and my past with him. I don’t even understand it. I don’t think his friends or roommates really knew or liked me very much so that’s an odd place to begin. Yes, we went to college together but we weren’t friends. I actually believe that I was probably the butt of their jokes because I was coming into my schizoaffective disorder then and would act peculiarly. They pretend to sing homages to the mentally ill but more so Syd Barrett because they love Pink Floyd and make a living covering their songs in concert.  Treys musician friends used this concert poster for a Santa Barbara show in 2017 that really offended me and I thought was a joke about me. Keep laughing because I will probably never speak to you again anyway. 

Let’s see if I can find the poster. I think she looks a bit like me here. 

***yes that is my doppelgänger I guess 

Sea of Heartbreak

 Why do I associate California beaches with loneliness and heartbreak?  Apparently I am not the only one that feels this way. Had I married a surfer, I would be out there everyday smiling and posing and watching my man surf too. But since things turned out a different way I am sharing with you a song that my neighbor was playing today and is one of the most depressing songs that I have ever heard in my life. Basically the beach means different things to different people.

Actually this song is not that depressing. Maybe I was thinking of the song titled “Shannon” which is about one of The Beach Boys’ dead dog. lol 

https://flashbak.com/the-15-most-depressing-songs-of-the-1960s-and-70s-7267/

Thinking about PETA

I often wonder about animal rights advocates such as PETA. Maybe they are right? I am not a vegetarian but I do often enjoy vegetarian dishes. I did so just tonight. I ate a brussel sprout pizza (hold the bacon) from Oggis tonight. It was very good. I think I could be a vegetarian if I was motivated to do so. Vegan would be harder for me. So anyway,  I am wondering about the impact of the meat industry on coronavirus. Are dead animal carcasses really a problem? 

Maeve: Are you copying me? She just gets a kitten and all of a sudden she is an animal rights activist and a Vegan! Puh-leaze stop trying to be me! You are too old to be me. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, so be forewarned! Also, Carlsbad is not Santa Cruz so you don’t have to fake being a hippie either! Be yourself because everyone else is already taken! You can’t be me and you can’t have Trey Sanders! These are two lessons you need to learn this year…or before you die! I doubt that you will learn your lesson this year, given your track record here. Be forewarned!

A New Years resolution idea from Maeve

Maeve: Quit googling my husband! We are not putting anything else up on the internet or on social media! We may not be having a baby yet, but we certainly are not getting a divorce. We are happily married with a fur baby. That’s it! You are beating a dead horse! You are barking up the wrong tree! Trey Sanders is in a committed, romantic relationship with me! He is married, taken, off the market! I don’t know what you are thinking, but he is not in love with you. He is not coming down there to court you. He is not even in Carlsbad, so be forewarned! In 2022, you should forget about Trey and I. Instead, you should focus on your own relationship and life! Be forewarned!

 

Peaceful mind, peaceful life